The Chronciles of Disaffection and Heartbreak part 8: Through Confusion, I long for this true answer
Now, lately, I've done my very best not to be overly depressed. This is the 2nd entry in a row. However, although it isn't depressing, Im confused as fuck and I don't know what to do. As quick as a snap of the fingers, A situation has arised. Now, although it's just one and I should set my sights on that, it's hard in this aspect. The girl I have feelings for, She has an infatuation over this other guy. No love, but a serious obsessive infatuation over this guy. She's told me hundreds of times how she wants to molest him. Now, here's the reason this situation doesn't bother me as much as the rest do; simply put, she's in Cali, he lives by her, and I'm in NY. Ive known this girl for going on 19 months April 12th. She's been there for me in times that well, I needed it badly. She's so fuckin awesome. She always will be. She's just another amazing friend that I have that is better and does more then I ever could. You see, if this dude becomes serious with the girl I like, then Ill be cool. Obvivously for a little time Ill be hurt, but who isn't when the one you love chooses someone over you? It's perfectly normal to feel that way IF you understand that she is very happy cause that's true love. Going leaps and bounds for someone's happiness. Now everyone knows how I want my closest friends happy. She's definitely one of them. Always will be as well. Me and her though, did get in a small arguement about it last week. She says she doesn't wanna hurt me, which I totally believe, but I don't ever wanna hold her back. Especially if it means this dude loving her and him being there..actually being there. Now, if I was there, and this happened, yea definitely Id be extremely hurt if this happens. In the end I just want her to be happy. She's going to read this cause she either has the link or ill just send to her. I hope she understand that in the end, no matter what, I want her to be happy.
Obvivously, I didn't name names cause it's not right. I'll digress now
This point im going to make is a broaden (sp?) point from the above statement. When I say I want my closest friends to be happy, I mean it damnit. No matter what, no matter what even happens to me, if it means true and total happiness then if I have to break my back, I'll do it. I just hope I've been a good friend for everyone. Here's a list of people I want to see and make happy any way I can, seeing as they helped me beyond belief at times they'll never know.
Christina
Danielle
Deedee
Maria
Kirsten
Amanda
Brendan
Krystal
Daniel
Esther
Eddie
Sora
Cathy
That's the list. I may have forgot a few. It's just, thinking about it now, I do have amazing friends and Im sorry for being a total prick the last few weeks-few months. Just alot of shit went down and it upset me greatly. Things will get better, I just need to find the answers im looking for I guess. I don't know what more I can possibly say. Just thank you for being there. I hope I can or have returned the favor of being that good friend that you have been to me. Just thank you.
Obvivously, I didn't name names cause it's not right. I'll digress now
This point im going to make is a broaden (sp?) point from the above statement. When I say I want my closest friends to be happy, I mean it damnit. No matter what, no matter what even happens to me, if it means true and total happiness then if I have to break my back, I'll do it. I just hope I've been a good friend for everyone. Here's a list of people I want to see and make happy any way I can, seeing as they helped me beyond belief at times they'll never know.
Christina
Danielle
Deedee
Maria
Kirsten
Amanda
Brendan
Krystal
Daniel
Esther
Eddie
Sora
Cathy
That's the list. I may have forgot a few. It's just, thinking about it now, I do have amazing friends and Im sorry for being a total prick the last few weeks-few months. Just alot of shit went down and it upset me greatly. Things will get better, I just need to find the answers im looking for I guess. I don't know what more I can possibly say. Just thank you for being there. I hope I can or have returned the favor of being that good friend that you have been to me. Just thank you.