three. sir hubert says hello. sort of.
[HEY BARGE. IT'S SIR HUBERT DE VILERS, PETRONILLA'S LOVING FATHER-IN-LAW. He's managed to turn on the camera, but he doesn't really know how to use it, and so for a good minute or two he's staring into it like it's a mirror.]
Damned thing. [He pats down his wild greying hair and beard, still peering into the screen.] Gilbert would know how to use it, but if I asked - [A snort] He'd never let me live it down. Learning. BAH. He reads one book and suddenly he's better than his FATHER who RAISED HIM - he needed more beatings as a child, but no, his mother coddled him instead. It's her fault he's a weakling, not like his brother Hugo. Next time I see him I'll heave a bench at his head --
[And it continues like that for a while, until Sir Hubert eventually throws the communicator against the wall and goes to stomp around the Barge for a little bit.
Not long after there's a glorious return! Sir Hubert has the camera pointed at his beard and then at his tunic, but at least he's figured out it's not a mirror. He laughs - a really, REALLY loud laugh, one that shakes his shoulders and round belly.]
So she's here now, eh? YOU CAN KEEP HER - HA HA! That demon bitch belongs in Hell, but if YOU want her, YOU can have her! We're all better off without her. HER HUSBAND is better off without her. He's still an insufferable fop, but at least he can find himself a wife who's not BARREN AS A DRIED-UP RIVERBED.
[More laughing. Oh, Sir Hubert finds himself SO funny. Suddenly his face falls though, and he brings the communicator up to his eyes so you can how Serious he is now.]
Too much thinking here. Never did like thinking. Makes a man boastful, and a woman insufferable. Too many women reading and speaking. It's not right - it's dishonourable. You'll ruin her worse than she is, and TRUST me, she's a monster. A she-wolf. You'll make her worse. No, no, don't say I didn't warn you....
Damned thing. [He pats down his wild greying hair and beard, still peering into the screen.] Gilbert would know how to use it, but if I asked - [A snort] He'd never let me live it down. Learning. BAH. He reads one book and suddenly he's better than his FATHER who RAISED HIM - he needed more beatings as a child, but no, his mother coddled him instead. It's her fault he's a weakling, not like his brother Hugo. Next time I see him I'll heave a bench at his head --
[And it continues like that for a while, until Sir Hubert eventually throws the communicator against the wall and goes to stomp around the Barge for a little bit.
Not long after there's a glorious return! Sir Hubert has the camera pointed at his beard and then at his tunic, but at least he's figured out it's not a mirror. He laughs - a really, REALLY loud laugh, one that shakes his shoulders and round belly.]
So she's here now, eh? YOU CAN KEEP HER - HA HA! That demon bitch belongs in Hell, but if YOU want her, YOU can have her! We're all better off without her. HER HUSBAND is better off without her. He's still an insufferable fop, but at least he can find himself a wife who's not BARREN AS A DRIED-UP RIVERBED.
[More laughing. Oh, Sir Hubert finds himself SO funny. Suddenly his face falls though, and he brings the communicator up to his eyes so you can how Serious he is now.]
Too much thinking here. Never did like thinking. Makes a man boastful, and a woman insufferable. Too many women reading and speaking. It's not right - it's dishonourable. You'll ruin her worse than she is, and TRUST me, she's a monster. A she-wolf. You'll make her worse. No, no, don't say I didn't warn you....