(no subject)
so why not jump back on the lj wagon and update...if anything else, it usually always makes me tired/sleepy again!
life in general is going well enough...at least, i feel better about it than i have in the past, even if there are some parts that are definitely questionable...for once in my life, i actually feel psychologically stable. i know ive mentioned this here before in the past couple of years, since the old 'career change' and stuff. i also know ive mentioned the medication adjustments, but its so true that its worth mentioning....work, while filled with plenty of stress and general ick, really has changed my life for the better....its a whole different kind of stress, but no matter how much drama there is, i cant help but be constantly reminded of how much worse off i was in the bars..the only thing i occasionally miss is the mindless carefree aspect, it was something i was good at, and didnt doubt my abilities very often. not that i doubt my abilities as a nurse all that often, rather, theres just a ton of critical thinking involved, and a lot of times it requires asking fellow workmates their opinion on matters...in my perfect world, everyone would be a little more approachable, but i think ive mostly gotten over the fact that not everyone wants to live in my perfect world. lol! i think lots of people laugh when i say i wish others were more approachable, because sometimes i get feedback that people think i am one of the unapproachables...i so wish this werent the case! that is so not the person i want to be, and so not the person i feel like i am when i look at myself, at least not at work...i think a lot of that comes from people who dont know me well, but arent they sometimes the most important? im a firm believer that perception is everything, or at least a good 85%. the other 15% ill chalk up to people, including myself, being overly sensitive..especially at work, it really needs to be taken into consideration that the stress of the environment doesnt always leave people living in sunshine and roses land with all the time in the world to help...i always try to be mindful, and usually can sense when ive given off this impression...i dont have a problem apologizing, because i know its something that im always trying to work on..i also am really good at sticking my foot in my mouth! one thing im trying to do lately is smile when i talk.. it feels really unnatural, but i know it changes the way the voice sounds, especially on the phone. anyway, weve had some changes at work when it comes to our work model, and the lpn's have been thrust into a different role which includes that of being a pseudo charge nurse..we monitor the telemetry, answer phones and call bells and place calls to dr's. most 'fun' of all is making out the pt assignments for oncoming shifts and assigning new admits..in this aspect, you are almost never right, and i totally appreciate the role a whole lot more, now that ive had the opportunity to sit in the hot seat....i try to be thoughtful of what im doing, but it never fails...im really open to suggestion, but getting a 'fair' suggestion isnt the most common..omg, i cant believe how long i can go on about work, and its exhausting me just writing about it...moving on...
pharmaceuticals, i love em! i totally hate the weight gain, but ya know what, people think im way younger now that i have a little more face fat...people used to think i was older when i was thinner. now people are routinely shocked when i tell them im in my 30's. i can defintely appreciate that compliment, even if it means people dont call me a skinny bitch (sarcasm) anymore. im still healthy, and thats important to me at this point....i eat more consistently instead of drinking/smoking pot. as an addict, that was way more important than food...though i totally lost control in weak moment of pms last night, and ate an entire pint of icecream last night. omg, it was so good though! i digress. im totally less moody and emotional than previously..and i dont hate life quite as often as i used to! the depression isnt quite as prevalent, and ive totally made it through this winter without getting SAD! i still think theres some lingering low grade depression, but from what my doc says, that may never go away..im gonna keep trying non medication things till i find something that works though! which leads me to the dietary changes!
going vegan: i cant say that by definition im vegan at this point, but lets just say im doing pretty well avoiding *most* milk products...ive had real cheese once, and had a couple of things with milk protien inadvertently...oh yeah, and milk chocolate. :P white flour has certainly not been a big part of my diet for a while, except for in cakes and stuff, but i have cheated a handful of times while at the break table at work. i dont know that ill ever be able to be so strict that i wont consume anything without a vegan stamp...so many things come from a facilities that produce milk products, its amazing! it makes me sad to think about the animals, and the more and more i read, i get sadder, but im not really fanatical (yet) so yall can go about your meat eating and i wont preach....i do think that all the hormones, antibiotics, chemicals and crappy feed is enough to make anyone want to eat organic products, but hey, our economic climate doesnt make that easy either...so lets just say im definitely vegetarian leaning more towards the vegan end of things...this has been in the making for a few months, but meat has been cut for a little over a month...pms had me craving a burger, but really i think it was just a junkfood craving...ah well, i feel a lot better about things so far, so i dont think ill go back to the meat thing any time soon....not only would my body revolt at this time, i just cant even bear to think about chewing meat..the thought makes me cringe...i was swallowing my meat practically whole before cause i would get so squicked out by chewing...ok, enough of that...ill also happily take a home made peanut butter cup as a fat source, and skip the piece of cheese...less saturated fat too!
dogs are awesome...dont let anyone tell you any different.
i got a motorola droid to replace my enV2 that took a poo..
this post took me two days to write! its not 6.30 am anymore, but 2, the next day! :D
life in general is going well enough...at least, i feel better about it than i have in the past, even if there are some parts that are definitely questionable...for once in my life, i actually feel psychologically stable. i know ive mentioned this here before in the past couple of years, since the old 'career change' and stuff. i also know ive mentioned the medication adjustments, but its so true that its worth mentioning....work, while filled with plenty of stress and general ick, really has changed my life for the better....its a whole different kind of stress, but no matter how much drama there is, i cant help but be constantly reminded of how much worse off i was in the bars..the only thing i occasionally miss is the mindless carefree aspect, it was something i was good at, and didnt doubt my abilities very often. not that i doubt my abilities as a nurse all that often, rather, theres just a ton of critical thinking involved, and a lot of times it requires asking fellow workmates their opinion on matters...in my perfect world, everyone would be a little more approachable, but i think ive mostly gotten over the fact that not everyone wants to live in my perfect world. lol! i think lots of people laugh when i say i wish others were more approachable, because sometimes i get feedback that people think i am one of the unapproachables...i so wish this werent the case! that is so not the person i want to be, and so not the person i feel like i am when i look at myself, at least not at work...i think a lot of that comes from people who dont know me well, but arent they sometimes the most important? im a firm believer that perception is everything, or at least a good 85%. the other 15% ill chalk up to people, including myself, being overly sensitive..especially at work, it really needs to be taken into consideration that the stress of the environment doesnt always leave people living in sunshine and roses land with all the time in the world to help...i always try to be mindful, and usually can sense when ive given off this impression...i dont have a problem apologizing, because i know its something that im always trying to work on..i also am really good at sticking my foot in my mouth! one thing im trying to do lately is smile when i talk.. it feels really unnatural, but i know it changes the way the voice sounds, especially on the phone. anyway, weve had some changes at work when it comes to our work model, and the lpn's have been thrust into a different role which includes that of being a pseudo charge nurse..we monitor the telemetry, answer phones and call bells and place calls to dr's. most 'fun' of all is making out the pt assignments for oncoming shifts and assigning new admits..in this aspect, you are almost never right, and i totally appreciate the role a whole lot more, now that ive had the opportunity to sit in the hot seat....i try to be thoughtful of what im doing, but it never fails...im really open to suggestion, but getting a 'fair' suggestion isnt the most common..omg, i cant believe how long i can go on about work, and its exhausting me just writing about it...moving on...
pharmaceuticals, i love em! i totally hate the weight gain, but ya know what, people think im way younger now that i have a little more face fat...people used to think i was older when i was thinner. now people are routinely shocked when i tell them im in my 30's. i can defintely appreciate that compliment, even if it means people dont call me a skinny bitch (sarcasm) anymore. im still healthy, and thats important to me at this point....i eat more consistently instead of drinking/smoking pot. as an addict, that was way more important than food...though i totally lost control in weak moment of pms last night, and ate an entire pint of icecream last night. omg, it was so good though! i digress. im totally less moody and emotional than previously..and i dont hate life quite as often as i used to! the depression isnt quite as prevalent, and ive totally made it through this winter without getting SAD! i still think theres some lingering low grade depression, but from what my doc says, that may never go away..im gonna keep trying non medication things till i find something that works though! which leads me to the dietary changes!
going vegan: i cant say that by definition im vegan at this point, but lets just say im doing pretty well avoiding *most* milk products...ive had real cheese once, and had a couple of things with milk protien inadvertently...oh yeah, and milk chocolate. :P white flour has certainly not been a big part of my diet for a while, except for in cakes and stuff, but i have cheated a handful of times while at the break table at work. i dont know that ill ever be able to be so strict that i wont consume anything without a vegan stamp...so many things come from a facilities that produce milk products, its amazing! it makes me sad to think about the animals, and the more and more i read, i get sadder, but im not really fanatical (yet) so yall can go about your meat eating and i wont preach....i do think that all the hormones, antibiotics, chemicals and crappy feed is enough to make anyone want to eat organic products, but hey, our economic climate doesnt make that easy either...so lets just say im definitely vegetarian leaning more towards the vegan end of things...this has been in the making for a few months, but meat has been cut for a little over a month...pms had me craving a burger, but really i think it was just a junkfood craving...ah well, i feel a lot better about things so far, so i dont think ill go back to the meat thing any time soon....not only would my body revolt at this time, i just cant even bear to think about chewing meat..the thought makes me cringe...i was swallowing my meat practically whole before cause i would get so squicked out by chewing...ok, enough of that...ill also happily take a home made peanut butter cup as a fat source, and skip the piece of cheese...less saturated fat too!
dogs are awesome...dont let anyone tell you any different.
i got a motorola droid to replace my enV2 that took a poo..
this post took me two days to write! its not 6.30 am anymore, but 2, the next day! :D