Retrieval of my soul

Aug 12, 2007 00:05

Wow, alot has been happening around here. May go into specifics, may not. Not playing Amtgard anymore. Abandoning some "friends" who cant look past the game at their frienships or allegiances. Looking at myself closely to make sure that I am no longer one of those people. I have lost alot for this game, friends, money, and almost my marriage. My daughter has been put on the back burner for events, and phone conversations, and some of my "friends". I have put my friends in situations where they very well should doubt my intentions. My integrity has been put on the line, and I failed. I have made mistakes and have been misled and I will no longer do that.

With my life now in shambles I need to take a new approach. I am staying friends with those who were true to me and those that will still have me as their friends that I have wronged, either knowingly or unknowingly for the "sake of the game". I have always considered myself a fair person and thought that I was doing the right thing in alot of situations, only to find out that I had not. amtgard is behind me now. If I go, it will be to say hello and to leave. There is a new Larp, but I am not sure if I will be setting myself up for the same round of drama that I had in Amtgard. I am thinking of going into the SCA with Dale, though i am sure that the drama is there also. It all makes me want to retreat and just stay in the house. Ill make garb and model it for myself, lol.

My health is a huge issue for me. I have a cyst now that is so large my ovaries cant be found with ultrasound, and cysts on my cervix, and just got over the worst kidney stone of my life and have still got a kidney infection that is pretty bad. I want to take care of myself and get my family back on track. I have lost parts of myself over the last couple of years and have become a less than honorable person. I will not tolerate that out of my friends and do not expect them to tolerate it from me either.

I plan to update this journal more often so I can keep track of my new journey, wherever it should lead me and to track my progress into being a better mother, a better friend, a better wife, and better to myself.
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