Update
So...
Today was eventful. Last night was eventful. Was foolin around with Dale when I felt something weird in my right breast. I rolled over and started feeling around on it. In times past, sometimes that areola gets a little mishapen, but I have been to the doctor about it, and they told me it was my hormones. So last night I felt a lump, the size of a beebee under the nipple. I freaked out a little, didnt sleep well and called my doctor when I got up.
Doctor said to come in today, they moved me right along in front of everyone in the office because the doc I see was the one on call at the hospital and he wanted to make sure he saw me before he had to go back to the hospital. Needless to say, his bedside manner sucked. He walked in, felt of my breast a bit, and then said he didnt feel anything unusual. I called him back and told him that the lump was in my nipple (and he had not even felt my nipple at this point). He sighed like he was annoyed and felt of my nipple the way I showed him how to do it in order to feel the lump. He took his hands off of me and said "Yes, you have a lump in your breast, you need to see a surgeon." Then he walked out. I didnt find out anything at the office except, yes I was right in knowing that I had the lump. So when I got to the receptionist, she was to make the appointment for me. He had written on my chart something to the effect that I had a lump in right nipple, needs to see surgeon ASAP. So surgeon wont see me until I have an ultrasound of the lump, which I get tomorrow morning at ten a.m. Then I see the surgeon next week. Apparently a whole week is equal to ASAP.
A whole week to worry about whether or not you have cancer. A whole week. So now I am trying to think normal thoughts about everything while in the back of my mind, I am hearing myself say "Dont worry about it, you wont be here to do it." I have this nagging voice that tells me that I need to get everything in line for shelby, write her letters, get her a video of me, and make sure that she goes to my mom when something happens. My entire family except my mom has had breast cancer. My grandmother when she was 29, I am 27. I know that I am over reacting. But my luck well has run dry during the past year or so.
Dale is being really good about this, really sweet. He's hugging on me, and I have seen his eyes get misty a few times. Dealing with me being sick alot this year has taken its toll on him. I just got over a severe burn down my leg, now this.
Im going to bed now, trying not to think about it. Trying to be cheerful when I want to go and just cry. Makes me realize how unimportant some things are in my life, like Amtgard, like petty drama bullshit, like worrying about shelby getting a black face at school. I should be concentrating on the important things in life, and those are not it. What would amtgard do without me? The same thing it has done for years, it would go on and someone else would take my place. So why do I worry about it? I dunno. What really happens when shelby gets a black face? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The only reason she is getting it is because she is bored. I punish a kid for being too smart. Im not ever going to do that again.
Oh well, I am going to suck it up and deal with this, its the only thing I can do. My mom is getting over surgery and she doesnt need this stress. i am moving, and I dont need this stress. So I will find out what is going on and deal.
Today was eventful. Last night was eventful. Was foolin around with Dale when I felt something weird in my right breast. I rolled over and started feeling around on it. In times past, sometimes that areola gets a little mishapen, but I have been to the doctor about it, and they told me it was my hormones. So last night I felt a lump, the size of a beebee under the nipple. I freaked out a little, didnt sleep well and called my doctor when I got up.
Doctor said to come in today, they moved me right along in front of everyone in the office because the doc I see was the one on call at the hospital and he wanted to make sure he saw me before he had to go back to the hospital. Needless to say, his bedside manner sucked. He walked in, felt of my breast a bit, and then said he didnt feel anything unusual. I called him back and told him that the lump was in my nipple (and he had not even felt my nipple at this point). He sighed like he was annoyed and felt of my nipple the way I showed him how to do it in order to feel the lump. He took his hands off of me and said "Yes, you have a lump in your breast, you need to see a surgeon." Then he walked out. I didnt find out anything at the office except, yes I was right in knowing that I had the lump. So when I got to the receptionist, she was to make the appointment for me. He had written on my chart something to the effect that I had a lump in right nipple, needs to see surgeon ASAP. So surgeon wont see me until I have an ultrasound of the lump, which I get tomorrow morning at ten a.m. Then I see the surgeon next week. Apparently a whole week is equal to ASAP.
A whole week to worry about whether or not you have cancer. A whole week. So now I am trying to think normal thoughts about everything while in the back of my mind, I am hearing myself say "Dont worry about it, you wont be here to do it." I have this nagging voice that tells me that I need to get everything in line for shelby, write her letters, get her a video of me, and make sure that she goes to my mom when something happens. My entire family except my mom has had breast cancer. My grandmother when she was 29, I am 27. I know that I am over reacting. But my luck well has run dry during the past year or so.
Dale is being really good about this, really sweet. He's hugging on me, and I have seen his eyes get misty a few times. Dealing with me being sick alot this year has taken its toll on him. I just got over a severe burn down my leg, now this.
Im going to bed now, trying not to think about it. Trying to be cheerful when I want to go and just cry. Makes me realize how unimportant some things are in my life, like Amtgard, like petty drama bullshit, like worrying about shelby getting a black face at school. I should be concentrating on the important things in life, and those are not it. What would amtgard do without me? The same thing it has done for years, it would go on and someone else would take my place. So why do I worry about it? I dunno. What really happens when shelby gets a black face? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The only reason she is getting it is because she is bored. I punish a kid for being too smart. Im not ever going to do that again.
Oh well, I am going to suck it up and deal with this, its the only thing I can do. My mom is getting over surgery and she doesnt need this stress. i am moving, and I dont need this stress. So I will find out what is going on and deal.