of embarrassment and embarrassing embarrassments
So earlier, one of my uncles asked us to buy a condom for him. I know your eyebrows are probably raised by this point, but it's really because--apparently--his doctor used a condom as a makeshift bag for the air in his lungs to drip into. (He got confined a week ago because of it, and now while he's out of the hospital, he still has a tube up his lung while he's resting at home.)
So we (me, my mom and brother) went to the drugstore, and once there, my brother and I skillfully made ourselves scarce to get the other stuff my uncle had also asked us to buy. Personally, I've never bought a condom before so I didn't want to be the one to do it, and my brother is a forever awkward young man who would be the type to ask his girlfriend to buy it instead of him.
So that leaves my mom. What she does is step up to the counter, smile stiffly, and go, "Excuse me..." --insert shrill laugh here-- "Where can we find the condoms?"
And then hurriedly adds, "I'm pro-life, but this is for a medical reason--"
SOOOOOOOOO AWKWARRRRRRRRRD.
But okay, I was secretly snickering while pretending to busy myself looking at hair products.
(Also I kind of wanted to say, "Ma, if you were really pro-life you'd be buying those condoms anyway" but I refrained from doing so, because I didn't want her to know that I'm secretly pro-RH Bill. Just like that time when, when they were staunch supporters of Manny Villar for the 2010 elections, I was secretly a Gibo supporter. I had to hide the Gibo stickers I had until after the elections.)
And then, as if that wasn't enough, while my mom clearly didn't want to call attention to herself, she nevertheless called out to my brother--who was clear on the other side of the store, "Oh, the condoms are there, go get some, John."
AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, SHE ADDS SOON AFTER, "Oh and get the Sensation ones, your uncle said those were the ones he uses."
So my mom was floundering and making an embarrassment of herself over those confounded condoms, I decided to step up to the health meter thingy machine to get my weight/height/BP etc etc. Said results are as follows:
WEIGHT: 136lb 5oz / 61.9 kg
HEIGHT: 5ft 3.4 in / 161 cm
(iuewrw this is a lie lie lie cries I know I'm 5'4.something!!!1)
BLOOD PRESSURE:
Maximum systolic: 99mmHg
Minimum diastolic: 58mmHg
Pulse/minute: 69
BODY FAT ESTIMATION:
Fat index: 28.3%
Fat mass: 38lb 8oz / 17.5kg
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH YOU GUYS I honestly thought all this time I just weighed around 125lbs or something (the scale at home is broken weoiruiowesd) CRYING FOREVER I'M GETTING--well, fat D: Fatter than before, at least. No wonder my jeans seem to be shrinking 8(
The good news is, I'm right within the normal weight for my height (between 48-64.5 kg) and my BMI is normal too.
BUT the bad news is, my fat index is way beyond the normal scale (17-24%) and so is my fat mass (9.1-14 kg). It's just a bit ironic that before I went on this health meter thing, I was actually thinking I ought to do some real exercise to be in shape for the summer.
WIWEUUIWE. Diet and exercise suggestions, anyone? Let's all be fit and healthy ♥
But anyway, we managed to buy the condoms. Also right now while I'm typing this post, I keep breaking into shrieks of amused evil laughter while my cousin's dog constantly chases after my brother and humps his leg when it can.
So we (me, my mom and brother) went to the drugstore, and once there, my brother and I skillfully made ourselves scarce to get the other stuff my uncle had also asked us to buy. Personally, I've never bought a condom before so I didn't want to be the one to do it, and my brother is a forever awkward young man who would be the type to ask his girlfriend to buy it instead of him.
So that leaves my mom. What she does is step up to the counter, smile stiffly, and go, "Excuse me..." --insert shrill laugh here-- "Where can we find the condoms?"
And then hurriedly adds, "I'm pro-life, but this is for a medical reason--"
SOOOOOOOOO AWKWARRRRRRRRRD.
But okay, I was secretly snickering while pretending to busy myself looking at hair products.
(Also I kind of wanted to say, "Ma, if you were really pro-life you'd be buying those condoms anyway" but I refrained from doing so, because I didn't want her to know that I'm secretly pro-RH Bill. Just like that time when, when they were staunch supporters of Manny Villar for the 2010 elections, I was secretly a Gibo supporter. I had to hide the Gibo stickers I had until after the elections.)
And then, as if that wasn't enough, while my mom clearly didn't want to call attention to herself, she nevertheless called out to my brother--who was clear on the other side of the store, "Oh, the condoms are there, go get some, John."
AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, SHE ADDS SOON AFTER, "Oh and get the Sensation ones, your uncle said those were the ones he uses."
So my mom was floundering and making an embarrassment of herself over those confounded condoms, I decided to step up to the health meter thingy machine to get my weight/height/BP etc etc. Said results are as follows:
WEIGHT: 136lb 5oz / 61.9 kg
HEIGHT: 5ft 3.4 in / 161 cm
(iuewrw this is a lie lie lie cries I know I'm 5'4.something!!!1)
BLOOD PRESSURE:
Maximum systolic: 99mmHg
Minimum diastolic: 58mmHg
Pulse/minute: 69
BODY FAT ESTIMATION:
Fat index: 28.3%
Fat mass: 38lb 8oz / 17.5kg
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH YOU GUYS I honestly thought all this time I just weighed around 125lbs or something (the scale at home is broken weoiruiowesd) CRYING FOREVER I'M GETTING--well, fat D: Fatter than before, at least. No wonder my jeans seem to be shrinking 8(
The good news is, I'm right within the normal weight for my height (between 48-64.5 kg) and my BMI is normal too.
BUT the bad news is, my fat index is way beyond the normal scale (17-24%) and so is my fat mass (9.1-14 kg). It's just a bit ironic that before I went on this health meter thing, I was actually thinking I ought to do some real exercise to be in shape for the summer.
WIWEUUIWE. Diet and exercise suggestions, anyone? Let's all be fit and healthy ♥
But anyway, we managed to buy the condoms. Also right now while I'm typing this post, I keep breaking into shrieks of amused evil laughter while my cousin's dog constantly chases after my brother and humps his leg when it can.