how im feeling today....
im going to stray to today a little cuz im feeling extremely depressed....... i came to school to do a project with my leadership group. it's me, crystal, eugenia, shauna, and stivaly. We are going to an australian university called victoria university and we have to find out all the prices as if were going to live there for 2 years. well in the morning my mom woke up bitching at my brother...leaving him a message.... it really bothered me and it began to irritate me.....i talked to her about it and she was still screaming.....i started screaming and w.e. i got really hyped up and i started shaking......im really scared.... i started crying....but i obviously didnt show it to my mom cuz all she would say is are u gnna cry now.... huh? come on cry cry like u always do....... its hard for me....im trying to control my anger..... i get soo scared.....my heart was beating fast.....and i got really depressed....... i dont show it and it just sux that im living with her right now cuz i cant let my feelings out like im used to..... i have to hide everything.......theres no one to talk to.....there are just some things i cant tell my cousin....... i guess i was letting it all out on my mom....... its overwhelming for me........ i am so sad..... i feel im not good enough..... i cant do anything right......... i can never achieve anything..... it sux....... but i will get better..... im getting a little better...sort of....its not as bad as before....... i just want to get better already......i love lazaro with all my heart..... i miss him..... he was what made my day better..... i would do anything to be able to see him..... i would always get there....even if it meant being and waiting for the bus for 1 hour and a half..... i didnt care....i love him soo much.... and i wish i had that sunshine in my life to brighten up my day....... to just sleep next to him is so relaxing.... to see him so relaxed makes me feel good..... i havent slept well either ....... my back hurts and i get headaches more often now..... i go to sleep with tears in my eyes...... i hug my pillow and pretend hes next to me..... i kiss the pillow hoping and dreaming that its his cute freckle on his cheek..... ok im going to stop now cuz im in the lounge and my eyes are getting really teary eyed.... im gonna drink water and calm down a little..... theres a few people here that i dont exactly care about so yeah i feel weird if they see me crying.... ill post again in a few min. to finish the liana bullshit.... well i love lazaro and i know well get back together..... i need him.....i love him
♥ Why is the most wonderful feeling the one that can make you feel the worst....