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[daisydaisy]

I should be looking for jobs, but fuck it. Im sick of looking for jobs. Its finally cloudy today...first day I saw a cloud in over 7. the clouds seem to go perfect with the mood Im in. Edgar is gone again for the week, he was gone last week too...but next week he has off and Im really happy, because i really need him to be home. I'm in one of my moods again, I know it will only last a week or so, but I just hate it...even though its only a week or so it absolutely ruins me. I should see a doctor soon, because i know someday its going to get a lot worse, and edgar isnt going to understand. I'm glad im not in buffalo anymore, although i miss some things. Im really glad that I actually went through with leaving. I talked to nick last week and he reminded me again of why i cant stand a lot of people there; I mean Im sure there are alot of drama causing people in every city, but at least now i'll have the chance to avoid them. I only have 38 minutes left of internet time for the day. I kind of never want to get internet in the apartment, but sometimes its really necessary for important things and of course myspace. We are getting cable tomorrow finally, yay. Last night at like 1 a man screamed "you broke my window bitch, what now? yeah run bitch" and I was scared, and I couldnt sleep for a while...and then it started sinking in that I was all alone, and who would i call if i needed someone to come over. That scared me. I can't wait for edgar to get a new job. I talk to my mom everyday for almost hours. I miss her. My grandma kicked out my cousin erica, and I feel as though the whole family is in shambles and no one cares. There is nothing I can do now...sometimes I feel as though there is no hope for erica that she is destined to fail because that is all she knows. So sad, it makes me sad and worried. I feel as though there is so much I could have done to help her. Edgar's truck is on its last leg. we found the most amazing couch at a church thrift store (did i mention that there are hunddddreds of thrift stores everywhere) anyway its black and 9 feet long! its so perfect for our apartment which is looking amazing already. i cant wait for people to visit.
ok i should use my last half hour productively.