turning me black and blue [active/closed]

[atleasticansee]

Characters: Tara Markov (Terra), Beast Boy
Content: The only person Terra feels comfortable meeting in person is coming to make sure she's okay.
Location: The Strand 2.0
Time of Day: After this thread.
Warnings: So the drama.

Comments

[greentofu]

Beast Boy had been worried about Terra ever since she'd said she'd tripped. Though he trusted her with a lot of things, it was harder to tell if she was actually lying or not without the use of the microphone. It was the microphone that had started all this. If she'd just told him about it... In any case, he was glad she agreed to letting him come see her and had left the bad movie at home, for a rainy day. This would take more than space alien zombies to cure, that much he was sure of.

He'd not run all the way there, just a fair amount of it, since he couldn't fly for long periods of time as he got tired really easily, but by the time he got to her place he was panting heavily. He really needed to find some other way to get around this city. Maybe he could find some rundown garage or something that had bikes and stuff in them... but without Cyborg around, even if he found something it probably would be totaled.

Catching his breath outside of the Strand, Beast Boy looked up at it, before glancing around him, making sure there weren't any crabs following him or anything. That was the last thing he would've needed. Deeming the coast to be clear, Beast Boy let himself in and headed up the stairs to Terra's room, and once he'd successfully made sure he looked okay (running a hand through his hair, straightening his belt, making sure he wasn't all gross from running here...) he knocked.

"Hey, uh, Terra? It's me. Beast Boy. Is it okay for me to come in?"

[atleasticansee]

Terra heard him knock from the bathroom and ran a washcloth over her face one last time. For whatever good that would do. He would know from the moment he saw her that something was wrong. But if it made her feel better, she'd lie to herself.

"I'm coming," she yelled, hoping he could hear her from back there. She wearily made her way to the door, trying to stay off her bad ankle as much as possible. That was to say nothing about the rest of her body, which (just like she knew would happen) was already starting to kill her.

Before she opened the door, she ran a hand through her hair to make sure the bandage was still in place and everything was properly hidden. When she was satisfied, she finally opened up. "Come on in," she said, looking down. Deliberately avoiding his eyes.

[greentofu]

Beast Boy waited patiently outside of the door, looking as his feet as he scuffing the floor whilst he waited. He only glanced up when he heard the door open, and immediately gave her a wide, goofy smile.

"Hey, Ter-," he cut himself off when he actually registered that she did not look okay. Not at all. His smile vanished as a frown and worry washed all over his face.

"Dude, are you okay?" he asked, reaching up for one of her arms instinctively, and looking her over, noting several things that were definitely off. Now he was convinced she'd been lying to him. Not a very good start to their relationship (..he still wasn't over that yet) but she obviously trusted him enough to let him come over. That had to count for something.

[atleasticansee]

She knew it wouldn't take him long. Terra could barely find the strength of mind, much less of body, to pull away from him. That didn't mean she had to look at him; in fact, she was paying more attention on shutting the door. If they could get any kind of privacy, they would need it. There was a reason she'd only let him come over.

Was the constant lying really much of a surprise?

"Do I look okay?" she shot back once the door slammed. Her exposed eye, sharp and suffering, finally met his. So much for keeping it together. A breath. "Sit down." And an aimless motion towards the couch. "Anything I can get you?" Before this whole thing really went downhill.

[greentofu]

Beast Boy frowned more when she snapped back at him, drawing his hand back when she slammed the door, and then glanced back at it, almost as if he was unsure. If that were the case, it was short lived, and he looked back at Terra, biting the bottom lip a little. "Uh, I guess... not," he frowned, watching her carefully.

"What happened to your-," he was cut off when she told him to sit, and though he wanted to continue the sentence, he obediently shuffled over to the couch, the worry from his expression far from gone. He wanted to know the truth. Somehow he didn't think that she'd tripped, and the fact that she felt the need to keep it from him was kind of hurting him.

At the next question, he simply shook his head, shuffling along the couch so there'd be room if she wanted to sit next to him.

"What happened, Terra?" he asked, frowning at her some more. "What really happened?"

[atleasticansee]

It was a distraction, anyway. A way to buy her some time to figure out what to say. Or if nothing else, to try to wrap her head around the emotional landslide she was going through. At any rate, she wasn't planning on sitting down anytime soon.

It wasn't just him she needed to keep it from. Rosette would say something about it. Spin would try to do something about it, and he didn't need this happening to him, too. (She'd at least managed to stop him from that.) Nice word, "this". Vague enough where she didn't have to specify everything, but everyone knew what it meant anyway.

She started off in an awkward pace, moving from the door to the couch and back again twice, before she stopped with her back to him and her head hanging. She reached her arm up. Dropped it. Back to her face again and finally brushing the hair away. Hooking it behind her ear. A temporary fix.

Her head turned to the left a little, but her body didn't follow. From this angle, she'd look downright normal. A frumpier version of the girl that, in some other world, in some other time, could maybe have gotten someone to fall in love with her.

But her eyes were going red again.

Who could ever fall in love with a freak like you?

You got what you deserved.

You're not my daughter.

A hard-fought tear ran down her cheek. She looked Beast Boy in the eyes. And she turned.

"The same thing that always happens."

[greentofu]

Beast Boy watched in silences as she paced, wanting to get up, wanting to go over and just hug her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but he didn't. He stayed on the couched and watched helplessly as she appeared to get more and more distraught. He was about to say something when she turned, crying, and he frowned again, getting up and going over to her, his expression awash with a fresh wave of concern.

What she had said had not alleviated his worry - nor brought light on the situation, and now, with a bemused expression, he lifted his hands and reached up for her arms again. "The same thing?" he asked her, obviously confused, and resisting the urge to draw her into a hug but feeling almost awkward about it at the same time. "What do you mean, Terra? What happened?"

[atleasticansee]

Beast Boy had been lucky enough never to see her break down like this before. And so far, Terra was keeping things surprisingly together. The memories flared constantly, though; echoes of curses and shouts, of screams and cries. The same thing that always happened. But aside from the single tear (she was managing to barely hold the others back), she was keeping things together.

If he wanted to draw her into a hug, she'd probably break down.

She didn't shy away at his touch, though every part of her was screaming at her to run. The same thing that always happened. But she needed to be strong for him. And for herself. Mostly for him. She had to keep it together long enough to come clean. He deserved to know it.

"You know about my powers."

That was a start. That much, she knew he already knew. Whatever was going on with the timelines or... whatever, that much was clear. And she didn't have to spend time explaining it. She did need to take the time to gather her thoughts again, and this time (since she couldn't very well pace), she spent her time looking down, around, anywhere but Beast Boy's face. Her hair fell down again.

"You saw the people on the network. Talking about outsiders." She really hoped he could have figured it out from there, if only because she didn't trust herself to get through the rest. ...But this time, she had to say it for herself. She had to.

"One of them found me." She swallowed hard, forcing back more tears before looking at Beast Boy directly. "It wasn't a microphone they threw down the stairs."

[greentofu]

If she had run, there and then, Beast Boy would've chased after her. This was important, something had made her cry and Beast Boy wanted to find out what it was so that she would be okay - so that he could go find whatever made her cry and end it, be it a evil rouge toaster or a supervillian. She didn't need this, this wasn't fair.

When she started to speak again, his grip on her arms tightened a little, and he nodded. If this was to do with her powers -- had she lost control again? Oh, but Starfire had said something about Terra not having her powers at all. So it couldn't be that.. so why would anyone...

Beast Boy's expression widened when she finished. For a second, his brain refused to process anything other than 'Oh my god Terra was thrown down some stairs. Oh my god.' but he managed to compose himself, at least a little. "They wha-.. are you oka-.. oh my god, Terra," he stuttered, before pulling her into a careful hug, his brain now moved onto a fresh set of emotions and ideas.

"Who did this to you? Do you remember what they look like?" he growled, scowling into her shoulder and holding her a little tighter, his anger bubbling over into his voice.

[atleasticansee]

It wasn't a supervillain. It wasn't even a regular villain. For all she knew, it was someone just like her. Or just like Beast Boy. That was the scariest part. Whoever it was, Terra had no idea. "No," she whispered, a dry sound. Her mouth couldn't form any more words.

Just as well. There wasn't anything else she needed to say. One word answered all his questions. Without that to worry about, she practically collapsed on top of him, letting his body stop her fall. Her arms reached out for him, wrapped around, brought herself close to the only person who could understand her. The only person who even stood a chance, and the only person she could come close to trusting. The only person who could defend her. If and when it happened again. The same thing that always happened.

Those hard-fought tears finally showed up.

[greentofu]

When she answered, Beast Boy almost flinched, gritting his teeth slightly and then realized that he was gripping her arms probably a little too much and loosened his hands, looking up at her with his scowl. There was nothing he could do. He couldn't go out and track down whoever did this, and make them pay for what they did. And that was the worst part of this all. It could've been anyone and Beast Boy wasn't going to search the entire city. It would be a waste of time; there were just too many people.

When she collapsed against him, Beat Boy bit his bottom lip before wrapping his arms around her. "If I ever find out who did this to you..." he started, scowling at the opposite wall, before looking down at her and squeezing her a little. "I'm gonna make them pay, Terra. Nobody should get away with something like this."

He was silent after that, nuzzling into her shoulder a little, and letting her cry as much as she wanted. Sometimes, letting it all out was the best medicine for these kinds of things -- or so he'd heard. He knew this probably wouldn't just up and go away, but at least she didn't have to bottle it up anymore. He was always here for her.

[atleasticansee]

Normally, the fact that anyone even wanted to talk to her when she was like this would have been enough to make her feel better. A little self-delusion never hurt anybody. Well, anybody that mattered. But she heard his reply and felt her fingers digging into his arms. Clutching him tight as she mouthed wordlessly, unable to even make the most basic of protests in this state.

Her words should have been obvious. If they did something like this to her and she looked normal, what would they do to Beast Boy? She wouldn't let herself be a burden to him. She already couldn't live with herself like this. If she were responsible for even more people getting hurt just because she couldn't keep her mouth shut, or because she couldn't be trusted to stay out of trouble, then...

"Don't!" she finally spat out, almost yelling into his shoulder. Clinging even more tightly, shrinking smaller and pressing against him with what strength she had left. Don't go, don't fight. Don't leave. Don't do what everyone always did.

[greentofu]

Beast Boy glanced at her when she yelled, frowning again. He didn’t understand. These people couldn’t just get away with hurting Terra! If Robin were here, or Cyborg or even Raven they’d all go out looking for the guy who had done this. If it had been Slade, or some other super-villian, they wouldn’t have stopped till they were in jail. That’s how it had always been. Beast Boy wanted to protect Terra. He wanted to make sure this didn’t happen to her again. And that, to him, meant finding whoever did this, and making them pay.

“But…” he started, frowning down at her, but finding it hard to argue with her state right now. So he said nothing for the time being, and just held her as he thought. Now that he did think about it, if he went out to find these people - that was even assuming that he could - there’d be no jail to throw them in here, there was no… Justice, Robin would call it. If Beast Boy went out and tracked someone down and hurt them for hurting someone that meant the world to him, didn’t that just make him as low as them? …Still, he really wanted to. Terra had gone through so much already, at least the one he’d known. She really didn’t deserve all this too.

“…Okay. I won’t,” he manages, finally, hugging her a little tighter, and thinking a little more. “But they really should pay y’know… I mean, what if it happens again? I can’t… I can’t protect you all the time,” he said, almost as if this had come as a realization to himself. “And I totally want too! It’s just really hard when like, you’re all the way over here, and I’m all the way over where I live, and…” There was a pause, his brain suddenly suggesting something that he should’ve thought of months ago.

Pushing away from her a little, so he could see her at least a little bit, he gave her a crooked smile that was mixed with worry, and then asked, “Why don’t you move in with me and Starfire? I mean, that way something like this… well, it won’t happen again, I’ll make sure,” There was another short pause, before his voice got a little sheepish. “And plus, you’ll be able to beat me at video games whenever you want, and I could make you tofu waffles, and…” Okay Beast Boy, this was not a good time for you to be fantasizing about your boyfriend status, at all. Even if the images he was projecting were kind of cute. Focus on the task at hand, idiot.

[atleasticansee]

Justice died the minute she got shoved down those stairs. A defenseless girl -- a girl who didn't even have any powers for them to be afraid of -- attacked out of hatred just because she was different, and being different was wrong. Justice was dead in this city. It would take more than a couple of superheroes to bring it back. And it wasn't worth what it would cost.

"Thank you," she whispered against him, but remained quiet after that, hearing his words, his decisions, his fantasies. And a part of her liked it. A part of her that had been doing so well. That had nearly gotten all the way to the top landing before being pushed back down. Fate had a funny sense of humor, didn't it. Because now that part was still battered and bruised at the bottom of the stairs, and everything else was stomping all over it in a frantic rush to come back to the surface.

She'd called Beast Boy over because she knew that he understood her. He knew the most about her out of anyone in the city... didn't he? He knew things that hadn't even happened to her yet, so he had to know. Had to know who she was, what parts of her she'd kept hidden and why. And she was okay with that. She wanted him to know. She trusted him. She didn't really have a choice, did she? If he knew all that. If he did. But he had to. But there was always that if. Never certain. Never bold enough to ask.

The point was that Starfire didn't know those things. Probably. And Terra had grown used to living alone. It was easier this way. A bigger risk, yeah, but when you didn't have to worry about what home you were leaving, it was easier to find a new one when everything inevitably hit the fan. Too much to worry about made things worse. Living with other people, always concerned if they were going to be attacked by crabs or have their building stomped on. Too much of a burden.

But then there was Beast Boy. The way he asked her. The way he wanted to take care of her, to treat her right (even if her mind wouldn't let her see that), to be a good person to her. She needed to be close to someone, and he was there. And he was offering a safe home. Where something like this would never happen again. Unless it did. Unless they got everybody. Unless Terra simply existing would put Beast Boy and Starfire in danger.

All the stress was probably imagined. Probably. Maybe not. There was never any certainty in her life. Being sure about things was a luxury that could only go to people who had their lives in order. So Beast Boy shouldn't have been surprised when Terra told him her standard answer after an eternity of quiet thinking and silent holding.

"I need to think about it."

[greentofu]

As she answered, Beast Boy frowned a little, before nodding, and giving her a small smile. “As long as you do, I mean,” he paused, looking at her carefully before continuing, “You’re always welcome with the Titans, Terra. Always have been and always will be,” he smiled, nodding a little. He’d known that she would probably have to think about it. To be honest, it was probably a bit much for her to be thinking about right now - ‘specially with what had just happened to her. It was just… Moving in with him and Starfire just seemed like the best plan of action to Beast Boy. That way if she was ever in trouble, he’d be able to protect her. And he knew that Starfire missed her a lot, and Beast Boy wasn’t exactly a fan of her bizarre cooking which always seemed to disappoint her (even though he did try everything she plonked in front of him, he was surprised he hadn’t gotten food poisoning yet). Everything would be better with Terra around that much he was sure of.

“But live in the knowledge that if you say no, I’m gonna have to use the face on you, and once that happens you’ll never be able to resist it,” he laughed weakly, trying to cheer the situation up a little, and probably failing abysmally.

[atleasticansee]

Even though she'd tried so hard to convince herself that she wasn't in the mood for shenanigans (and to some degree, that was still definitely true), something about the way Beast Boy kept trying, against all odds and hope, to cheer her up struck a chord with Terra. She found herself pulling back from her shelter in his shoulder to look at him directly.

"I don't want to put you in danger," she finally confessed through red eyes and a strangled voice. That face of his; those adorable pointy ears that he always said chicks dug; his skin that she guessed he'd dealt with his fair share of abuse for (and maybe he was better at hiding it); his eyes that let her know all he wanted was the best for her. His eyes that told her he wanted to keep her safe.

Windows to the soul, she'd heard. The only part of you that couldn't lie. Whether that was true was up for debate, but what mattered was that she knew he wasn't going to betray her. There weren't many things she could trust so completely in this world. But that was one of them.

"I don't want anyone else to get hurt." She meant her friends, but the same thing extended to anyone else in the city. Including CARP. She probably deserved to be pushed down the stairs anyway. They weren't bad people. They were just treating her the way she should be treated.