A Tale by the Sisters Hameron ~ Book 2 - Chapter 11, Part 1
Title: A Tale by the Sisters Hameron ~ Book 2
Chapter: 11 of 20, Part 1
Authors: jellybean728 and daisyb10
Rating: Suitable for Teens. 13 years +
Pairings: House/Cameron, Wilson/Cuddy
Summary: A Housian adaptation of Shrek 2.
Disclaimer: We do not own House, M.D., Shrek, or any of their characters, nor do we profit from this story.
Chapter 11: A Changed Man, Part 1
The violent storm that pummeled Cape Wooster had weakened as midnight approached, but it continued to rain throughout the night as the coastal Kingdom slept.
Lord John and Lady Blythe kept watch over Cameron until they retired for the evening at eleven o'clock, while miles away, Foreman fitfully dozed, consumed with worry for his new found friends.
As the clock struck twelve, Cameron, Wilson and House were bathed in a mystical flash of light. In a blink of an eye, the darkness returned, and they all rested peacefully until dawn’s first light.
“Here he is, Sis … this is the man I was telling you about.”
“He’s dreamy, Billie Jo, I could watch him forever.”
“Gatitos, gatitos … what about me? Have you forsaken me for another?”
“Oh no, Fritz, we love you!” The two buxom young girls, wearing red gingham shirts and Daisy Duke cut-offs,
giggled as they scurried back to Foreman's side.
He smiled seductively while caressing their shoulders.
“I cannot believe my good fortune. To wake up in the company of three beautiful sisters is every man’s dream come true. You’re exquisite, my gatitos. Have you ever considered modelling careers?”
“Well actually, Fritz …” the blonde began.
“Betty Jo … Bobbie Jo …“ whispered their raven-haired sister, ”he’s waking up!”
House grumbled and groaned as he began to stir. He covered his eyes, hoping to block out the nauseatingly cheerful rays of sunshine that shone into the barn through the open doorway.
“Good morning, sleepyhead …”
“Arrrgh!” House shouted with a start. He peeked through his fingers at the ravishing brunette who hovered too closely beside him.
“I’m Billie Jo and these are my sisters ... Bobbie Jo ..." A pretty platinum blonde blew House a kiss. "And Betty Jo.”
A striking redhead shyly waved. “Good morning!” they sing-songed in unison.
House's head throbbed mercilessly as if he’d been on an all-night bender, but curiously, he couldn’t remember any event which would have warranted such repercussions.
“Dash it! My head …!”
House willed himself to open his eyes, as he brushed off some straw that was glued to his face.
“Good morning, to you all.”
As he struggled to stand on his wobbly legs, House scanned the cavernous barn.
“Might I inquire as to my whereabouts?”
“You’re in my Daddy’s barn.
Billie Jo found you here when she came in to milk the cows this morning,” volunteered Bobbie Jo. “What’s your name?”
“My name? My name. Ah, yes, now I recall. My name is Doctor Gregory House.”
“I just love your accent. It’s so sexy. Are you from England?” she asked.
“Apparently so …” muttered House, incredibly confused.
“Would you be so kind as to direct me to the lavatory? I’d like to wash up.”
“Lavatory?” Bobbie Jo stared blankly at House.
“He means the bathroom, silly!” Betty Jo translated.
“Oh …” Bobbie Jo laughed. “We don’t have a bathroom in the barn, but I did fetch a pail of water for you.”
She pointed to a large wooden bucket on the floor nearby. “And I brought a fresh towel, too.”
“Thank you, Miss Bradley.”
“He’s such a gentleman!” Betty Jo whispered to her sister.
House splashed his face with the refreshingly brisk water and dried himself off with the towel.
"That was splendid. I feel like a new man!"
He shrieked as he caught sight of his reflection in the water.
“Good Lord! What happened to my face?”
It was as if time had stopped twenty years ago.
A thirty year-old House looked back at him.
There was nary a wrinkle marring his rosy complexion and his blue eyes shone with good health.
His thinning grey hair had returned to its former glory.
House's thick chestnut locks were impeccably cut and his long wavy bangs were coaxed into place with the aid of perfumed pomade.
He gingerly patted his baby-soft cheeks.
Could it be …? Did it work …?
My skin … it’s so smooth … my beard’s gone and so are my wrinkles.
It’s years since I’ve been blessed with so much hair…
Still slender and tall, his body felt fit with the firmness of youth.
Taut, round buttocks? My gluts are amazing!
And my legs … my thighs are well-defined …
“Egad!” House shouted. “My leg! It’s healed! I’m … I’m …” he stuttered.
“Gorgeous!” purred Foreman.
“Fritz? Are you all right?” House was so overcome with his transformation, he could barely manage to speak.
“Of course, Señor Greg,” Foreman replied in a sulking tone. ”As you surely recall, I was not permitted to take the potion.”
“Wilson …” House murmured, looking for his friend.
“You need to relax Doctor House,” warned a worried Billie Jo.
“Let me rub your shoulders!” Bobbie Jo volunteered.
“I want to do it!” Betty Jo cried, jostling her sister aside. “Let me!”
“But now I don’t have anything to rub, “ Billie Jo pouted.
“How about his chest?’ suggested Bobbie Jo.
“Sounds yummy!” Billie Jo gushed, as she licked her lips.
“Get in line, sis!” warned Betty Jo, un-buttoning House’s shirt.
“Ladies, ladies …please.” House gently pushed Betty Jo’s hands aside.
“While I’m sure I’d enjoy your kind ministrations, I really must decline. I’m terribly worried about my friend.
Have you seen him? He’s a rather handsome young doctor named James …”
"James? Who are you calling James?" I'm Elvis, baby and I'm all shook up!"
“Wilson, where are you?”
Wilson leapt into view, wearing his new jet black hair in a fashionable ducktail.
"Look at me, House! I'm a dancing machine! Listen to this! I can sing!
When we get back to CRIPPLED, I'm auditioning for Princeton's Got Talent!"
A well … I bless my soul
What’s a wrong with me?
No longer a tuneless caterwauler, Wilson’s rich baritone voice and pouty good looks were the stuff legends were made of.
I’m itching like a man on a fuzzy tree.
My friends say I’m actin’ like a wild bug.
He was dressed all in white, in a gold studded jumpsuit with a matching cape.
An intricately beaded American bald eagle, embellished with ruby and sapphire-toned crystals, was emblazoned across his chest.
I’m in love …
I’m all shook up!
As Wilson sang and strummed his Gibson guitar, his swiveling hips ignited the Bradley sisters into a torrid frenzy.
Mmm, mmm ... Oh, oh ... Yeah, yeah ... I'm all shook up!
Everyone burst into applause.
Except Foreman, that is, who collapsed on the floor in gales of laughter.
“That was smashing, Wilson!” House said enthusiastically.
“House, are you all right? You look amazing! Just like you, only better!”
Wilson stared in awe at his handsome friend. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve got to hand it to Stacy.
That witch sure can cook!”
“Indeed, she can! And that’s not all, my good man. It appears my leg is completely healed!”
House cast his cane aside for dramatic effect.
“Incredible!” Wilson watched as House hopped from foot to foot, perfectly balanced and free from pain.
“You look twenty years younger and your new voice is quite attractive is a refined sort of way. Girls dig British accents!”
"So I've heard, but there's only one girl for me," House grinned. "I wish I knew what was in that potion."
"Me, too!" agreed Wilson.
Foreman sighed with exasperation as he listened to his bubble-headed friends.
“Thank goodness I’m still in possession of my faculties …”
He removed the empty bottle of potion from House’s suit jacket pocket.
“Ingredients include Ketamine, Jimmy Snacks, Marmite, amphetamines, caffeine, collagen, Vitamin D,
Ascorbic Acid, artificial flavours and colouring and proprietary tonics and stimulants.”
“Jimmy Snacks? No wonder I’m so happy!” Wilson cried, shaking his booty for his adoring fans.
House smiled at his friend's antics. "And the Marmite explains this extremely cool accent."
“Señor Greg? Listen to this …
‘To make the effects of this potion permanent, the drinker must obtain his true love’s kiss by midnight’.”
“Midnight?” House questioned. “Why does everything always happen at midnight?”
“Pick me! I’ll be your true love!” begged Billie Jo.
“No, I’ll be your true love! I love you the most!” Bobbie Jo pleaded.
“I’ll be true …” Betty Jo said unconvincingly. “At least as true as I can …”
"Thank you for your very kind offers of help, dear ladies, but I've already found my one true love."
"Ohhhh ..." The girls sighed with disappointment.
Foreman twirled his moustache slyly.
“Your Princess will be most satisfied with you now, if the reactions of my gatitos are any indication.”
"He's right!" Wilson agreed. "You're handsome, debonair, British and a doctor! You're every girl's dream!"
Even though inside, you're the same old gruff, mean-spirited ..."
“Am I, Wilson?” House asked glumly. “Am I still the same ogre I’ve always been?”
“I don’t know …” Wilson answered softly.
House nodded his acceptance.
“We’ve come too far to back out now. At least you’re still as annoying as ever,” he smirked.
“That I am!” Wilson smiled.
“Indeed! Look out, my darling Princess … here comes the new me!
But first things first. I need to get out of these filthy clothes."
“Oooo!” squealed the Bradley sisters, in utter delight.
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