Girl Scouts
I had a dream the other night that I quit leading my Girl Scout troop. It felt great! It was rather disappointing after I had been up for a few minutes and realized that it didn't actually happen.
Leading the troop has really confirmed for me what I thought I've always known about myself: I don't mind being in charge of something or having a big role, but I have no business being in charge of everything. Not something this big and nebulous, anyway. I usually pull it out and everyone has a good time, but I feel so frazzled and fuzzy-headed getting to that point. The fibro certainly hasn't helped, either.
I asked my co-leader to take January's meeting, (although, she asked me what she was supposed to do when she agreed, so I doubt I'm getting out of it completely) and my money manager asked if she could lead February. So I will only have four meetings to lead after that. Plus any activity coordination outside of the meetings. Hopefully I'll make it out without another massive anxiety attack like I had before my last meeting.
Hopefully someone will take over as leader for next year, otherwise there won't be a troop. I just can't do it for another year. It's frustrating, because I feel like it shouldn't be this hard. Nor should it cause so much anxiety. Honestly, it would help if the moms dropped the girls off and left. If feels like I'm under their watchful eyes, putting on a show.