.00014-FanFic : Over the Grief
♥ Over the Grief- Chapter 1 ♥
Title: Over the Grief
Author: daisay
Rating: T
Pairing: Danny/Lindsay
Content Warning: Drama/Romance
Summary: Set in season 4 - Danny and Lindsay are trying to figure out their relationship. Can they get over the past hurt and move on?
A/N: This is my first fanfiction. I was so disappointed after watching 'Right Next Door', so I decided to write a story about this season. So this story takes place somewhere around 'Personal Foul' and it's probably going to be a little dark. This story is supposed to be made up of nine chapters. I hope you enjoy this even only a little.
Special thanks to stuffy34 for checking out this chapter before posting.
＜THE PRESENT ＞
It was a piercing cold rainy night of late autumn. She was lost deeply in her thoughts, staring at the night view of New York City from the window of their apartment. The city was shrouded in misty rain, puddles here and there on the streets that reflected many colorful city lights and illuminations and added more beauty to this. Thunders were heard rolling in the distance from time to time. The sound of incessantly falling rain forced her to be reminded of the night she was taking a rain walk around a year ago.
＜A YEAR AGO＞
She herself wasn't sure why she was walking soaking wet with the rain, but strangely she found it comforting. Feeling as if this rain could wash away all the heart-wrenching things that had happened over the past few weeks, she wandered aimlessly with nowhere to go.
After having a little talk with him on the phone, her legs were heading for his place without knowing it.
"How about coming over here and telling me in person? Please." his voice had pleaded with her.
She had no intention of visiting him, nor was she going to talk to him. Of course, she knew deep down inside she wished to see him. Her inner voice whispered her to be true to herself, talk to him, and she couldn't simply deny it. She couldn't possibly wipe it all away, and no matter how hard she tried she was unable to deny it or avoid him. Feverishly trying not to listen to her internal voice, she turned around and quickened her pace to her apartment after hanging up on him.
There were a thousand questions rolling her head she wanted to ask him: "Why did you push me away while you were going through the pains? Wasn't I good enough for you? Why did you do what you had done to me? Do you have feelings for that woman?"
Sure he said he just wanted to hang out with her, but nonetheless she didn't take his word for it because she sensed more in his words and behavior toward her.
He had never told her he wanted to be together with her nor had he said he loved her. But she didn't care, after all she loved him heart and soul. Though she was unsure if the feelings were mutual, she had believed that he had at least cared about her. She had no doubt that he wanted to take their time to develop a relationship with her - one step at a time.
"I love you."
She couldn't have been happier to hear these three words from him at some point when he wanted to and was ready for it. She had believed there was something more than a word 'love' between them.
But now that things have come to this pass, she might have just wanted to believed that. She alone might have thought that they were connected deep within the heart. He might have only wanted to hang out with her. If she had mattered to him, he wouldn't have done what he had did.
He had never loved her. Or even if he had loved her, his love might have been transferred to that woman. That's why he might have turned to another woman for sharing his grief when he had needed comfort. If so, why hadn't he said goodbye to her before breaking down her completely?
"I have fallen in love with someone else."
It wouldn't have changed the fact that she would be hurt deeply. Still, it would have been a lot better than to be cheated on like this.
Since when had she been falling in love with him? He had been teasing her, called her 'Montana' since the first day they met. At first she didn't have a good impression on him, but she felt herself irresistible to his attraction as she came to realize he had an entirely different interior from his tough-guy appearance; he was compassionate, gentle and sensitive. Before she realized it her heart had already been filled with him, and with each passing day - heck, with each passing hour - the feeling grew larger. Danny, who had cared about her, had always tried to be there for her more than anyone else. Sure, she had had some boyfriends in the past, yet none of them had cared about her in a way Danny did. Ever since her friends had been murdered she had lived telling herself she wouldn't deserve to be happy, would never dream of the future. It was Danny who had changed such her way of thinking. At the sight of him appearing through the door of the courtroom, she felt like time itself had stopped and only they existed in this world. It was then that her insure feeling for him changed into the conscious awareness that she loved him. Feeling his warmth through their entwined hands, she felt the looming wall built up around her break down, felt herself trust him and open up fully to him. That's because she hadn't expected his betrayal in that way. She had known a sensitive and vulnerable side of Danny, including which she loved him. That's why she understood his feelings of hurt, guilty of Ruben's death, and respected his wish of leaving him alone. But...she had never thought he was capable of infidelity. Him cheating on her was the last thing she had expected from him.
Even if there was nothing she could do to help him out of the pain, she couldn't simply pass him by. She couldn't pretend not to see him tortured. She couldn't bear to watch him go through his pain all on his own. She desperately wanted to be there for him, so she tried every imaginable way to help him out of his pain. Yet he shut her out and pushed her away, never to open up to her and let her in. If he had, she would have done everything she could do. Anything for him. She wouldn't have minded making any sacrifice for him, would have been willing to share his pain by taking his hands in hers, holding him in a tight embrace or shedding tears together. She wouldn't have hesitated to give him everything she had, her heart, body and soul. Even though she had never told him, she loved him with all her might.
But he didn't need her comfort, nor did he want her to be there for him. Instead, he had turned to another woman for comfort, which cut her deeply. He didn't say anything about it, but she knew. She knew it the moment she talked with him on the phone the next morning after Stella's apartment caught fire. His tone of voice told her everything that he had done. And it shuttered her heart brutally.
To be continued...