An Open Letter to the Ultra Conservative
My car doesn’t have any bumper stickers on it. Our yard never has any political signs in it. For the most part, I just don’t think it’s any of your business what my political and philosophical views are. And honestly, I haven’t found anything that created enough fire inside me to broadcast it to strangers on the streets. However, it’s time to insert myself into the marriage argument our community has been fighting. In fact, it is way past time that I do so, and that only fuels my outrage.
If you identify yourself as “Very Conservative” or “Ultra Conservative,” you might want to close this and move on. But you CAN’T; it’s too important that you read this. And if this upsets you to the point you no longer want to be my friend, I am fine with that. I was fired from a job I loved because someone recognized a logo on my hat. I was evicted from my home when the landlord’s son heard that I had been seen with gay people. My roommate, a deacon and longtime friend, moved out suddenly and the choir director’s son lied to cover what they were doing - all in the name of being “Christian.” So if accepting me for who I am is beyond your ability, and if allowing a differing thought into your head is something you’ve been brainwashed into thinking you can’t do, well then, I’ve suffered greater losses.
Why have I been silent? I wasn’t as educated about the origins of what we know as “marriage” as I felt was necessary to justify a firm stance. Is marriage a church-sanctioned institution or a state-sanctioned one? After much studying and evaluation, I have come to realize that we, as a nation, have absorbed the religious rite of marriage into a legally recognized contract with 1,138 identifiable benefits. Using an establishment of religion (translation: church leaders) to determine who is and is not eligible to participate in this contract is, unequivocally, making a law respecting an establishment of religion - which is in direct violation of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution.
Why am I joining the fight now? Because I’m tired.
I’m tired of not being able to focus on critical situations because I’m too busy making sure my human rights are protected.
I’m tired of hearing tragic stories of human beings whose lives have been trampled in the name of my God.
I’m tired, quite frankly, of your ignorance, bigotry and insecurity in your own relationship.
Over the last few months I dealt with a little health scare. Thankfully I live in Atlanta where people are more likely to think for themselves, but I still had to transfer a lot of the focus I needed for my health concerns onto guarding my basic rights. For example, I had to determine whether Dennis would be allowed in the hospital room with me, and if the hospital would recognize him if an immediate medical decision had to be made during my procedure. During this situation, we celebrated 8 years of being a couple, but non-gay couples who have been together for an hour can enjoy more legal protection than we have. Say some words in front of a judge, sign a piece of paper, and you, too, can decide the fate of another human being, be entitled to sue a third party if they are injured, and have the peace of mind that everything you own won’t be stolen if they pass away suddenly - as long as they have different genitalia than you do. Be with someone of the same gender for 30 years, making equal contributions to your estate, and the blood relatives of your lifemate may leave you destitute out of spite if you miss a single appointment with your attorney to sign and execute a large stack of legal papers. Even if one crosses all the T’s and dots all the I’s on all the right documents, the blood relatives who haven’t called in 40 years may have more legal standing than a same-sex partner.
Recently I learned of a friend whose partner of 23 years dropped dead on the way to have his chest pains evaluated in the ER. Rather than being concerned with what solace my friend may need at this time of suffering, the first thing I said was “God, I hope they had their legal affairs in order.” After 23 years of life commitment, that SHOULD BE the furthest thing from my mind, but because they were both male I knew that some long lost relative coming in and running roughshod over my friend was a very real possibility. All too often I’ve seen innocent people lose everything they spent their life building with the partner they stood by in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better and for worse. It happens every day because someone who grew up in the same house and had the same last name as the partner contested the will, challenged the estate, and won on a technicality. Greed is an ugly monster, especially when it rears up while another human being is grieving the greatest loss possible.
Because Dennis and I are a same-sex couple, we have to hire attorneys with specific skill sets, spend hours meeting with them to discuss all the possibilities in life and death, and pay an exorbitant amount in hopes that we can create an estate as strong as the one given to opposite-sex couples with the stroke of a pen. Yet nothing we can put together is guaranteed to be as iron-clad as the one Anna Nicole Smith had with an elderly man flush with cash and looking for a good time. It’s not even as sacred as the one Brittany Spears and Jason Alexander had for barely 55 hours. During those 55 hours Jason & Brittany had more legal sovereignty than Dennis and I, even though she admittedly “lacked understanding of her actions to the extent that she was incapable of agreeing to marriage because before entering into the marriage the Plaintiff and Defendant did not know each others' likes and dislikes, each others' desires to have or not have children, and each other's desires as to State of residency.” If this is the test for marriage in this country, then Dennis and I were qualified well over 7 years ago.
The argument against letting me have these basic rights is that I am the greatest threat to the sanctity of marriage; a delusion oft proclaimed by someone who treats marriage with such flippancy that they have multiple divorces in their own past. Even if they have never been married themselves, they can only parrot sound bites from a religious leader they have blindly put on an undeserved pedestal and now view as indisputable and undeniable. Look at it objectively my friend, and tell me how your priest, minister, or other spiritual leader has convinced you to advocate the concept that a person in a relationship with someone of a different sex is intrinsically more qualified to determine the value of relationships than someone who has formed a family with someone of the same gender.
You who proclaim that “every life is sacred” to support your view on abortion, stop forcing me to mark the “Single” box on legal and healthcare documents, which serves to completely invalidate the life I share with my partner of 8 years so far. If you believe in the “sanctity of marriage,” preach it to those who have been married 10 times - not against the loving couple who have stood by each other for 50 years. Oh you who purport to love the Judeo-Christian God, but refuse to allow me to be with the one person who calms my anxiety when I need it most, that God has a message for you: you are a liar. I didn’t say it, God did. Read I John 4 and be reminded: “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.”
In the meantime, I’d like my human rights back if you don’t mind. Even if you do mind I want them back; they weren’t yours to take in the first place.
Your Fellow Human Being,
-Kale Wright
If you identify yourself as “Very Conservative” or “Ultra Conservative,” you might want to close this and move on. But you CAN’T; it’s too important that you read this. And if this upsets you to the point you no longer want to be my friend, I am fine with that. I was fired from a job I loved because someone recognized a logo on my hat. I was evicted from my home when the landlord’s son heard that I had been seen with gay people. My roommate, a deacon and longtime friend, moved out suddenly and the choir director’s son lied to cover what they were doing - all in the name of being “Christian.” So if accepting me for who I am is beyond your ability, and if allowing a differing thought into your head is something you’ve been brainwashed into thinking you can’t do, well then, I’ve suffered greater losses.
Why have I been silent? I wasn’t as educated about the origins of what we know as “marriage” as I felt was necessary to justify a firm stance. Is marriage a church-sanctioned institution or a state-sanctioned one? After much studying and evaluation, I have come to realize that we, as a nation, have absorbed the religious rite of marriage into a legally recognized contract with 1,138 identifiable benefits. Using an establishment of religion (translation: church leaders) to determine who is and is not eligible to participate in this contract is, unequivocally, making a law respecting an establishment of religion - which is in direct violation of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution.
Why am I joining the fight now? Because I’m tired.
I’m tired of not being able to focus on critical situations because I’m too busy making sure my human rights are protected.
I’m tired of hearing tragic stories of human beings whose lives have been trampled in the name of my God.
I’m tired, quite frankly, of your ignorance, bigotry and insecurity in your own relationship.
Over the last few months I dealt with a little health scare. Thankfully I live in Atlanta where people are more likely to think for themselves, but I still had to transfer a lot of the focus I needed for my health concerns onto guarding my basic rights. For example, I had to determine whether Dennis would be allowed in the hospital room with me, and if the hospital would recognize him if an immediate medical decision had to be made during my procedure. During this situation, we celebrated 8 years of being a couple, but non-gay couples who have been together for an hour can enjoy more legal protection than we have. Say some words in front of a judge, sign a piece of paper, and you, too, can decide the fate of another human being, be entitled to sue a third party if they are injured, and have the peace of mind that everything you own won’t be stolen if they pass away suddenly - as long as they have different genitalia than you do. Be with someone of the same gender for 30 years, making equal contributions to your estate, and the blood relatives of your lifemate may leave you destitute out of spite if you miss a single appointment with your attorney to sign and execute a large stack of legal papers. Even if one crosses all the T’s and dots all the I’s on all the right documents, the blood relatives who haven’t called in 40 years may have more legal standing than a same-sex partner.
Recently I learned of a friend whose partner of 23 years dropped dead on the way to have his chest pains evaluated in the ER. Rather than being concerned with what solace my friend may need at this time of suffering, the first thing I said was “God, I hope they had their legal affairs in order.” After 23 years of life commitment, that SHOULD BE the furthest thing from my mind, but because they were both male I knew that some long lost relative coming in and running roughshod over my friend was a very real possibility. All too often I’ve seen innocent people lose everything they spent their life building with the partner they stood by in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better and for worse. It happens every day because someone who grew up in the same house and had the same last name as the partner contested the will, challenged the estate, and won on a technicality. Greed is an ugly monster, especially when it rears up while another human being is grieving the greatest loss possible.
Because Dennis and I are a same-sex couple, we have to hire attorneys with specific skill sets, spend hours meeting with them to discuss all the possibilities in life and death, and pay an exorbitant amount in hopes that we can create an estate as strong as the one given to opposite-sex couples with the stroke of a pen. Yet nothing we can put together is guaranteed to be as iron-clad as the one Anna Nicole Smith had with an elderly man flush with cash and looking for a good time. It’s not even as sacred as the one Brittany Spears and Jason Alexander had for barely 55 hours. During those 55 hours Jason & Brittany had more legal sovereignty than Dennis and I, even though she admittedly “lacked understanding of her actions to the extent that she was incapable of agreeing to marriage because before entering into the marriage the Plaintiff and Defendant did not know each others' likes and dislikes, each others' desires to have or not have children, and each other's desires as to State of residency.” If this is the test for marriage in this country, then Dennis and I were qualified well over 7 years ago.
The argument against letting me have these basic rights is that I am the greatest threat to the sanctity of marriage; a delusion oft proclaimed by someone who treats marriage with such flippancy that they have multiple divorces in their own past. Even if they have never been married themselves, they can only parrot sound bites from a religious leader they have blindly put on an undeserved pedestal and now view as indisputable and undeniable. Look at it objectively my friend, and tell me how your priest, minister, or other spiritual leader has convinced you to advocate the concept that a person in a relationship with someone of a different sex is intrinsically more qualified to determine the value of relationships than someone who has formed a family with someone of the same gender.
You who proclaim that “every life is sacred” to support your view on abortion, stop forcing me to mark the “Single” box on legal and healthcare documents, which serves to completely invalidate the life I share with my partner of 8 years so far. If you believe in the “sanctity of marriage,” preach it to those who have been married 10 times - not against the loving couple who have stood by each other for 50 years. Oh you who purport to love the Judeo-Christian God, but refuse to allow me to be with the one person who calms my anxiety when I need it most, that God has a message for you: you are a liar. I didn’t say it, God did. Read I John 4 and be reminded: “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.”
In the meantime, I’d like my human rights back if you don’t mind. Even if you do mind I want them back; they weren’t yours to take in the first place.
Your Fellow Human Being,
-Kale Wright