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Unholy Alliance Threatens World Order!
Claremont, CA- In a move that stunned anyone remotely aware of recent politics, superpowers Andrew Campbell and Nick Herman have joined forces to take on most of the known world. Military analysts believe that at their current rate of progress, victory is only a matter of time. "Within minutes of the formation of the alliance they had already gathered a band of armed compatriots," Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld stated in a press conference today. "I give it about 3 months before we are all crying out 'meh!' to statues of the pope(s)."
Many people wonder how the two, who until recently were engaged in a rather hot Cold War, could possibly have managed such an alliance. "It really isn't so strange," Campbell explained when asked by a reporter. "My vicious campaign against Nick was begun in more stressful times out of a combination of fear and jealousy. Combining our skills makes much more sense, and leaves us capable of handling any situation." Campbell seemed strangely certain that the alliance was not only logical but also stable. When questioned about the possibility of a resurgence of enmity between himself and his long-term rival, Campbell merely laughed. "Those times are behind me, and they're behind Nick too," he stated confidently. "I did some pretty hurtful things back in the day, but it would take a stronger man than me to break Nick Herman. I have full confidence in his support."
Unfortunately Campbell was vaguer regarding the subject of long-term goals of the alliance. "Times are changing," he announced cryptically. "I'm looking forward to a brighter future." When pressed further about current plans, Campbell refused to budge. "Of course we have a project underway at the moment, but the details are not your business. When we're finished you can read about it in the paper like everyone else."
Claremont, CA- In a move that stunned anyone remotely aware of recent politics, superpowers Andrew Campbell and Nick Herman have joined forces to take on most of the known world. Military analysts believe that at their current rate of progress, victory is only a matter of time. "Within minutes of the formation of the alliance they had already gathered a band of armed compatriots," Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld stated in a press conference today. "I give it about 3 months before we are all crying out 'meh!' to statues of the pope(s)."
Many people wonder how the two, who until recently were engaged in a rather hot Cold War, could possibly have managed such an alliance. "It really isn't so strange," Campbell explained when asked by a reporter. "My vicious campaign against Nick was begun in more stressful times out of a combination of fear and jealousy. Combining our skills makes much more sense, and leaves us capable of handling any situation." Campbell seemed strangely certain that the alliance was not only logical but also stable. When questioned about the possibility of a resurgence of enmity between himself and his long-term rival, Campbell merely laughed. "Those times are behind me, and they're behind Nick too," he stated confidently. "I did some pretty hurtful things back in the day, but it would take a stronger man than me to break Nick Herman. I have full confidence in his support."
Unfortunately Campbell was vaguer regarding the subject of long-term goals of the alliance. "Times are changing," he announced cryptically. "I'm looking forward to a brighter future." When pressed further about current plans, Campbell refused to budge. "Of course we have a project underway at the moment, but the details are not your business. When we're finished you can read about it in the paper like everyone else."