(no subject)
So.
I rejected the marriage proposal from the sexy Irish guy.
Oh ... sure. I'm a little perturbed by the insistance of him ._.; But come - Irish. Irish are sexy. So is the scenary. Not to mention the various other good arguements he made. And they were good. Anyone in their right mind would take a piece of that action >.<;
So why oh why would I say no ? And why oh why do I feel this warrants any sort of mention at all ?
Well it's a weird sort of thing. A long time ago, I had a nice little fling-ish type deal with a close friend of mine. Who, in turn, then decided to come out of the closet. But ! The point of this is not to tell Markeh's confession, but to point out a random comment he made during that time.
He put his arms around my waist, and declared I was his.
Now, like I said, it was a long time ago. He wasn't the first to make that declaration, and there's been a few afterwards. The point is, that I've been claimed by plenty of guys and it really doesn't matter after a while, because they lose interest and I lose interest, and being claimed loses it's appeal.
And then, very abruptly, I wasn't. Which was well and fuckin' dandy. I had no desire to be, and noone had any desire to have me. So all was well and right with the world.
Life went on, and I grew apart from most of my friends, and a lot closer to a select few. Most of the friends I had way back when, I barely talk to, or even acknowledge. The most obvious indication of this is when Kento pissed off a guy I hadn't been talking to long. Only a few months, so there wasn't a reason why I shouldn't back Kento who I'd known for years, but I didn't. I took the other guys side, whether it was logical or not, that was who mattered more to me.
It was a rather disconcerting moment to realise that.
But getting back to the point. Again.
It's come to my attention - albiet, very slowly - that my entire outlook on my life, and the people in it, has changed. Friends have become a lot more important than they ever have been before. They've been there for me through all my issues, and they haven't turned their backs. They don't try to convince me getting laid is a smart thing to do - instead, they simply corrupt me beyond repair. They've accepted that my entire personality changed overnight, and they still wanted to know me. They've sat there and cared more about my problems than their own, even after how I hurt them.
And I can never really ever explain how I feel about that.
So how does this relate to the marriage proposal from the sexy Irish guy ?
I didn't even have to think about it before I knew that - even in joking - I wouldn't, I couldn't, say yes.
Just because I'm claimed, even if the person doesn't realise.
In Stardust there's a part where the star tells the uncicorn she's bound by something stronger than any rope - her word. I don't make a lot of promises anymore, but I've made a few, and most of them will never be said aloud.
It's not the sort of claimed that Mark did, or Brent, or Fred, or any of them did. It's the sort of claiming that comes without strings - there's nothing like that there, and that makes it so much stronger.
So does that make sense ? Does it make sense that I would care about someone so strongly that it literally hurts when they're mad at me; that I would want to take away their pain; that I would cry for their loss, even if it doesn't affect me in any real way ?
Does it make sense that that friendship is one of the most important things in the world to me ?
Does it make sense that accepting some random guys proposal was completely out of the question, just .. because ?
Heh. Thinking about it, I think I'm missing a few steps in that logic process after all.