(no subject)
From Evan: hey...sorry i just kinda signed off before without warning...i just wanted to tell you that i had a really good time with you last night...and now im really jealous of whoever you wrote about in your live journal today haha....but um, id really like to go out again sometime soon...maybe this time without the dozen friends.
Thank you Evan. That is by far the most perfect response possible. That comment about the dozen friends: I get that exactly. Whenever I was around them, I got this strange vibe and I completely shut down. Whenever we were alone, I felt we hit it off rather well. Next date, I say we do it alone. Oh, and there will def. be a "next date".
As for that last livejournal entry: I told Eric that I "have/had/I don't know cause I'm so flighty" feelings for him. Basically I don't know how to read him. I know he likes this other guy, but I don't see what he sees in him. Actually, for about a second, I had a crush on the other guy, but I think it was purely physical. And that's not to say that the other guy isn't stimulating mentally, it's just he's not what I'm looking for right now. Anyway, back to Eric. I think I should concentrate on being his friend because we are really good friends. If we were anything more, it would feel awkward for him (only him, though). I bet Eric knows how Troy feels now. :-\
Personally, I'm relieved I told Eric that I like him. Whenever I have a secret, it causes me physical pain until I blurt it out. So, when I told Laura, I was quite shocked that it didn't help me feel better. Then that feeling built up inside and exploded: I think I told Eric too much. I think I should've played it down instead of playing it up (which is what I did, I think). Eric seems convinced that I was crying over him, but I would even be weirded out by that. I didn't cry over him. Instead, I cried over everything that has been building since my last "big cry." Let me explain. Whenever things don't go my way, I get a lil sad. That sadness builds up, and I need to let it out. Every 6 months or so, I pretty much force myself to cry so that I'll feel better. I think the whole Eric situation just came at a bad time, and that's why I felt the need to cry. So, I put on the Joy Luck Club and sobbed every... 10 minutes. And I SOBBED sobbed. I cried so hard my eyes hurt for hours. I wasted half the pack of travel-sized puffs. I probably scared the shit out of Laura and Adam who were watching the movie with me from Adam's bed. I actually scared myself, at one point. But, despite it all, I'm so glad I went through that. I needed an outlet for all of my emotion, and I recommend renting a good cry-movie like The Joy Luck Club to anybody who feels the need to let off some steam. Anyway, I hope Eric knows that I feel so much better having told him, and things don't need to change just because I let him know how I feel. In fact, I feel so less awkward around him now then when he didn't know how I felt. However he reacts, I still want him to be my friend.
Well, that's all for today. I won't be online much because I have a huge paper to write today. If you do see me online, tell me to sign the fuck off so I can get my work done. Tootles!
Thank you Evan. That is by far the most perfect response possible. That comment about the dozen friends: I get that exactly. Whenever I was around them, I got this strange vibe and I completely shut down. Whenever we were alone, I felt we hit it off rather well. Next date, I say we do it alone. Oh, and there will def. be a "next date".
As for that last livejournal entry: I told Eric that I "have/had/I don't know cause I'm so flighty" feelings for him. Basically I don't know how to read him. I know he likes this other guy, but I don't see what he sees in him. Actually, for about a second, I had a crush on the other guy, but I think it was purely physical. And that's not to say that the other guy isn't stimulating mentally, it's just he's not what I'm looking for right now. Anyway, back to Eric. I think I should concentrate on being his friend because we are really good friends. If we were anything more, it would feel awkward for him (only him, though). I bet Eric knows how Troy feels now. :-\
Personally, I'm relieved I told Eric that I like him. Whenever I have a secret, it causes me physical pain until I blurt it out. So, when I told Laura, I was quite shocked that it didn't help me feel better. Then that feeling built up inside and exploded: I think I told Eric too much. I think I should've played it down instead of playing it up (which is what I did, I think). Eric seems convinced that I was crying over him, but I would even be weirded out by that. I didn't cry over him. Instead, I cried over everything that has been building since my last "big cry." Let me explain. Whenever things don't go my way, I get a lil sad. That sadness builds up, and I need to let it out. Every 6 months or so, I pretty much force myself to cry so that I'll feel better. I think the whole Eric situation just came at a bad time, and that's why I felt the need to cry. So, I put on the Joy Luck Club and sobbed every... 10 minutes. And I SOBBED sobbed. I cried so hard my eyes hurt for hours. I wasted half the pack of travel-sized puffs. I probably scared the shit out of Laura and Adam who were watching the movie with me from Adam's bed. I actually scared myself, at one point. But, despite it all, I'm so glad I went through that. I needed an outlet for all of my emotion, and I recommend renting a good cry-movie like The Joy Luck Club to anybody who feels the need to let off some steam. Anyway, I hope Eric knows that I feel so much better having told him, and things don't need to change just because I let him know how I feel. In fact, I feel so less awkward around him now then when he didn't know how I felt. However he reacts, I still want him to be my friend.
Well, that's all for today. I won't be online much because I have a huge paper to write today. If you do see me online, tell me to sign the fuck off so I can get my work done. Tootles!