(no subject)
Please disregard this entry because it's going to be pretty depressing.
I have been feeling like shit for the last couple of days, and I don't know why. Ok, well I know exactly why, and I want to tell the world (or maybe just him), but I can't. I'm afraid it'll ruin things even though I'm sure I heard him whisper to me that it wouldn't ruin anything. Ya, it was creepy and I was high (just don't ask), but whatever. I'm sort of glad he told me what he told me, but I wish we could just sit down and talk about it. But, I can't bring myself to ask him to talk about it with me. I'm afraid I'll just start balling my eyes out because that's how the situation makes me feel. I'm afraid he likes somebody else (well, I KNOW he likes somebody else) and it'll just be an awkward love triangle. This feels like it was doomed from the beginning, but then again it could work out perfectly. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm good enough for people, and I think that's where my problems begin. If I felt I was good enough, I wouldn't be as ashamed of my feelings as I am. Why can't I just tell him? I know for a fact that he knows, and it seems like we could still be friends if we talked about it. I think I'm afraid to hear the truth: maybe he doesn't like me back. Unrequited love is the absolute worst, and that's what this might be. I know in my head that communication is essential here to making everything right again, but until then I'm going to be in a slump. I remind myself of my mother right now, and we all now how shitty I feel when I unwittingly act like my mother. Why does he have to be so god damned smart? I shouldn't have told him about the dream (which wasn't really a dream so much as a fantasy), but it's too late for that now. Give me a sign one way or another: do you feel the same way? I don't know how to act around you anymore, but I just want to kiss you. I have NEVER felt this way over a guy, so I know it's genuine. Brad, Stephen, Tim... none of them made me feel the way I feel about you. If I'm coming off desperate, it's because I'm desperate to finally have something real with another person. I'm sick of childish relationships with childish people. I feel that I get you. I feel that we can get each other and work. I'm right here.
Update:
My horoscope for today: The intuitive bond between you and your current love interest could well appear stronger than ever today. You might even come up more than once with the exact same words at the exact same time. You might find this a bit disconcerting, but don't let it bother you. The day's planetary alignment can and often does cause this kind of phenomenon, especially with people who are close to each other. Relax!
Remember Michelle Branch? Pumpkin Head?
I have been feeling like shit for the last couple of days, and I don't know why. Ok, well I know exactly why, and I want to tell the world (or maybe just him), but I can't. I'm afraid it'll ruin things even though I'm sure I heard him whisper to me that it wouldn't ruin anything. Ya, it was creepy and I was high (just don't ask), but whatever. I'm sort of glad he told me what he told me, but I wish we could just sit down and talk about it. But, I can't bring myself to ask him to talk about it with me. I'm afraid I'll just start balling my eyes out because that's how the situation makes me feel. I'm afraid he likes somebody else (well, I KNOW he likes somebody else) and it'll just be an awkward love triangle. This feels like it was doomed from the beginning, but then again it could work out perfectly. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm good enough for people, and I think that's where my problems begin. If I felt I was good enough, I wouldn't be as ashamed of my feelings as I am. Why can't I just tell him? I know for a fact that he knows, and it seems like we could still be friends if we talked about it. I think I'm afraid to hear the truth: maybe he doesn't like me back. Unrequited love is the absolute worst, and that's what this might be. I know in my head that communication is essential here to making everything right again, but until then I'm going to be in a slump. I remind myself of my mother right now, and we all now how shitty I feel when I unwittingly act like my mother. Why does he have to be so god damned smart? I shouldn't have told him about the dream (which wasn't really a dream so much as a fantasy), but it's too late for that now. Give me a sign one way or another: do you feel the same way? I don't know how to act around you anymore, but I just want to kiss you. I have NEVER felt this way over a guy, so I know it's genuine. Brad, Stephen, Tim... none of them made me feel the way I feel about you. If I'm coming off desperate, it's because I'm desperate to finally have something real with another person. I'm sick of childish relationships with childish people. I feel that I get you. I feel that we can get each other and work. I'm right here.
Update:
My horoscope for today: The intuitive bond between you and your current love interest could well appear stronger than ever today. You might even come up more than once with the exact same words at the exact same time. You might find this a bit disconcerting, but don't let it bother you. The day's planetary alignment can and often does cause this kind of phenomenon, especially with people who are close to each other. Relax!
Remember Michelle Branch? Pumpkin Head?