Anime...
I looked up this on youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSA7huxs1PI You have no idea how much I miss stuff like this. It reminds me of a simpler time when my brother and I would put some anime VHS tapes in the VCR and just watch the beginning advertisements which consisted of anime shows put to techno beats in an effort to make you want to purchase them. Some of the ads were really cool. Then we'd watch the intro, and Slayers Next just has this intro that I love. When I saw it again, it brought back alot of memories. Then, I think of anime night and how, in some ways, it's ruined bits of anime for me. Anime Night isn't about anime so much as the atmosphere. There are reasons that going is a little stressful for me at times... John probably knows why. Still, I go. I can't complain too much about anime night. It's given me a couple very special people in my life. Odd enough to say, even if I hate the person that still hasn't graduated out of my life yet, he was the person that made me start coming to anime night. He got be interested in things on campus. I'll never know for sure if I would have ever been a part of some of the groups I've been in had it not been for that person. It's one of those things when someone can't necessarily leave your mind because they're too linked with your memories. Of course, this is why I strive for new memories, isn't it? My first year of college is gone, but my life is not over. I miss being a kid. I'm not completely ready for the world and I'm scared out of my mind alot of the times because I don't think I can survive in this world very well... hopes are that this is only a worry. I have some very good friends to lean on when I'm weak and it is my hope that they know I am there for them if they so wish it. For me though, trusting people is always a problem. I want to believe people are innately good. The best way to become a pessimist is the be an optimist. Some people are worthy of being trusted and some should never be put in confidence. It is one of the trials of adulthood to try and see the difference. Whenever I think on mistakes or personal relationships, once again, I go back to what my grandmother made a point of saying to me on her death bed. "Take care of yourself... ain't no one else going to do it for you." It sounded like a warning... and I still don't know what drove her to tell me those words. I'm sure I can over-analyse the daylights out of it if I try, but I won't. No matter the reason, I believe it to be a very true thing. That phrase got me through a good portion of my first year of college. When my relationships were suffering... with my boyfriend... with my roommate... with my parents... I tried my hardest to take care of myself. My parents can't shield me forever... this is more obvious than ever. No friend or significant other can protect you, no matter how much they may wish to. Many people are out to use you. At these times, take care of yourself... no one else can do that for you. I think about taking the easy way out of this complicated mess we call life alot of the time, but when it's the end of the day, I'm still here. I still have the same problems. I've still made the same mistakes. Still, I'm existing. I'd love to find a meaning to life somewhere along the line, but I don't think I'll find it. I think the goal is just to see how long you can stand life, until it wears you down. I have a hectic weekend ahead of me, but I'd very much like to take some time out and watch some anime. Really watch some anime... without the nerf guns... without the constant reminders of the past and just watch the shows and enjoy the simplistic storyline and stereotypical characters for whatever value they bring. I think I might harrass Pat if we can do that...