Love... and evaluations there of.
I miss Patrick during the week, then when I see him on the weekend... I'm somehow, not satisfied at points. Some people have pointed out that Pat isn't overly attractive... yeah, I'd noticed. It's odd though, because there are times when I look at him and think he's the most handsome man on the planet then other times when I look at him and think... "he's funny lookin'" I'm not very complimentary either... he tells me, "I love everything about you... your mind, your soul, your heart, your eyes..." and the list continues. I say things like, "You're silly... you're funny... your eyes are pretty cool and you have a big nose." I'm not very good at the compliment giving thing... I tend to be a bit judgemental, especially of myself. Flaws I accept in others I won't accept in myself. Something I notice when Pat looks in a mirror is that his face isn't quite symmetrical. It's very odd because I don't notice it unless he's looking in a mirror. My brother points out that he has a blow pop shaped head and my mom points out he has small feet... ~starts laughing~ I feel like I'm dating a jester. He's capable of being serious, but more thing he says are half jokes. Sometimes, I can't read him and neither can most of the other people readers I know. Things that are interesting though is that Pat doesn't look anything like what I'd think a person I was dating would look like. He doesn't sound like what I'd think I'd date. He's not anything like what I'd expect, yet he embodies most everything that I'd want in a person. He makes me laugh, I enjoy spending time with him, he has a good heart (even if he is a technologically obsessed boy). Before I ever started dating, I told myself (I don't care what someone looks like, as long as they have a good heart and care about me)... that was somewhat false consider the people I didn't even consider dating just because I didn't find them attractive. I can say how appearances don't matter, but they do a little bit. With the ex, I could never get used to his face after long breaks apart. People considered him attractive... I considered him attractive... but, it just never felt right. He had the wrong kind of face and but it was the one that I had thought looked intellectual. I was way wrong. Pat I didn't even consider to be intelligent when I first met him. I also considered him rude and weird/ungroomed. The last three are probably correct, but I was wrong about the intelligence part. He's very start, but capable of being dumb. He's alot like my dad, scary enough. But, something thats a draw in that is that my parents have been married for 35 years and my dad has never stopped loving my mom. I want that. I want the ability to have a life partner who cares more about me that physical appearances because, well, I'm a pale, inactive nerd and as I grow older there is almost no way I'm gonna turn into a skinny little rail of a woman, so I need someone who's not forcing me to be something I'm not. Pat's got some rather annoying traits, but, oddly enough, most of them don't actually bother me. I don't run to his aid to try and make him friends with my friends. If he becomes friends with my friends, good for him. I'm not forcing anything this time around. I'd rather not have everything be a hassle and a struggle. I want a comfy place to fall. I'm scared of being abandoned again, but I'm trying to learn how to accept such a fact if it occurs and enjoy the time with the people I love when I have this time. If I get hit my a van tomorrow, there isn't necessarily anything I could have done differently. Life happens and yeah, sometimes decisions haunt us for a bit, but adulthood is all about learning how to deal with these things. Slowly, I'm comparing this relationship less and less to the last one. As my dad said, "It's not fair to judge Pat by what Eric did. Judge Pat by what Pat did. He's a pretty nice guy and he really cares about you." My dad giving relationship advice it kinda funny, but sometimes, he can come off as being pretty wise. Pat's my funny little jester, but in all honestly, I'd like to find a way to get thru life smiling and laughing. That's the way I want to live. Besides, I've tried and I can't honestly think of anyway not to date Pat. He hasn't done anything horribly wrong. He cares about me. I enjoy spending time with him... this makes it unjustified for me to be single again. As my mom says, "Damn... I'm stuck with him." I guess there's something to be said for persistant men. They do tend to put up with quite a bit from bossy/emotional women like me and my mom. Poor guys.