Crazy Bitches: Hospital Edition
Choose Your Own Adventure: Emergency Room!
It is a busy Saturday morning at The Hospital. You're exhausted because last night, you:
A) went on a bar crawl until three in the morning, like the rest of the town.
B) ignored a patient's dirty diaper for nearly two hours.
C) spent hours wandering aimlessly in Target.
You've finished your morning rounds and finally have a moment to sit at the desk when the emergency room nurse calls to tell you they need blood cultures drawn immediately, as in ten minutes ago.
You grab your tray and walk down the hall to find that when you arrive, they do not need blood cultures drawn immediately, as in ten minutes ago, because the nurse is dallying about in the patient's room, completely unprepared for you.
You:
A) sit outside and wait until they're finished.
B) walk in anyway and interrupt. You've got a job to do immediately, as in ten minutes ago, and they should have been ready.
C) sit at the door and be obviously passive-aggressive.
"Oh no!" The patient laughs. "Dracula's here!"
It's the seventh time you've been called Dracula today, despite being really obviously not a man, so you respond:
A) by humoring the patient and giving him a half-hearted laugh.
B) "Oh, that's one I haven't heard ten times this week!"
C) by rolling your eyes and getting on with it.
You explain the procedure as you rifle through your supply tray, telling the patient that you're drawing blood cultures to see if he's got an infection. When you turn to the patient to identify him, you see he has a fresh IV in his right arm. You dash out of the room when you see the nurse walk by. You ask her whether or not she's drawn the standard blood tests.
"No, he's got good veins. You can do it."
You politely inform her that you need to draw two sets of blood cultures from two different sites as well as, apparently, the regular bloodwork, which would require poking him in the arm and/or hand three times.
"He's got really great veins." She insists. "I don't see why you can't get it. It's not like you have a hard job or anything."
You respond:
A) "Well, it's just that the other nurses have already pulled the rainbow and wait for the lab to come down before they put in an IV and order blood cultures, so we're able to draw at least something from the IV and save him a poke."
B) "Aren't you supposed do draw initial work from the IV if you put one in? It's not like it's a hard job or anything."
C) "How about you tell the patient that you don't feel like drawing from his IV, so I have to poke him three more times for no good reason?"
The nurse rolls her eyes and says, "He's got good veins, I don't know why you think I should have to pull from his IV. Are you new or something?"
You turn back into the room and inform the patient that you will have to poke him at least twice to get the blood cultures and possibly once more for the regular lab work.
The patient shrugs and turns his arm over.
One of his visiting daughters groans in pain as if she's the one being stuck. "Not in the hand!" She says. "The hand hurts!"
The patient's eyes widen in fear.
"I'm sorry," you say to the patient. "But your nurse doesn't want to pull blood from your IV, so I will have to go in your hand since one of your arms has an empty IV in it."
"Listen," the daughter says. "If you have a problem with the nurse, you should take it outside with her. Don't say things like that in front of my father. Just do your job."
You respond:
A) "When you're finished with your tirade, I'd like to finish my job, thanks."
B) "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that you were my patient. Of course I'll do your bidding."
C) "I you have a problem with me explaining how and why I'm doing my job, you need to leave the room."
The daughter crosses her arms and glares at you before leaving the room.
You successfully pull all the blood you need without further interference. As you transfer the blood to the bottles, the doctor breezes in and announces, "You've got an infection! It's pneumonia!"
You:
A) go back to the lab and request to pick up hours in the morgue, where there are no interfering families and no one can complain if they're getting poked four times.
B) resolve to never run tests for him again, out of spite.
C) look up to see it's the same doctor who always orders tests after blood is drawn despite being in the room with the phlebotomists, and decide that it's not worth the energy to punch him in the face.
As you're walking out of the emergency room, the daughter shouts at you: "Sorry it was so inconvenient for you!"
You respond:
A) by saying nothing.
B) by telling her that it's all her fault.
C) by being just as passive-aggressive as her and saying, "Oh, you didn't make it so inconvenient!"
If you chose mostly As
You could have a career in laboratory work!
If you chose mostly Bs
You could have a career as a nurse!
If you chose mostly Cs
You are Delia Logan; you should go to library school and live in a house full of cats.
Seriously. Second person point of view? Not easy to use sentence variety.
You turn to something on your left.
As you turn to something on your left, there is something on your left.
There is something on your left, and you look to see it.
PS, Torchwood is my new favorite show. I don't like it better than Who, but I think it's better put together. So much love. Wow. Oh, Captain Jack. Love love love.
It is a busy Saturday morning at The Hospital. You're exhausted because last night, you:
A) went on a bar crawl until three in the morning, like the rest of the town.
B) ignored a patient's dirty diaper for nearly two hours.
C) spent hours wandering aimlessly in Target.
You've finished your morning rounds and finally have a moment to sit at the desk when the emergency room nurse calls to tell you they need blood cultures drawn immediately, as in ten minutes ago.
You grab your tray and walk down the hall to find that when you arrive, they do not need blood cultures drawn immediately, as in ten minutes ago, because the nurse is dallying about in the patient's room, completely unprepared for you.
You:
A) sit outside and wait until they're finished.
B) walk in anyway and interrupt. You've got a job to do immediately, as in ten minutes ago, and they should have been ready.
C) sit at the door and be obviously passive-aggressive.
"Oh no!" The patient laughs. "Dracula's here!"
It's the seventh time you've been called Dracula today, despite being really obviously not a man, so you respond:
A) by humoring the patient and giving him a half-hearted laugh.
B) "Oh, that's one I haven't heard ten times this week!"
C) by rolling your eyes and getting on with it.
You explain the procedure as you rifle through your supply tray, telling the patient that you're drawing blood cultures to see if he's got an infection. When you turn to the patient to identify him, you see he has a fresh IV in his right arm. You dash out of the room when you see the nurse walk by. You ask her whether or not she's drawn the standard blood tests.
"No, he's got good veins. You can do it."
You politely inform her that you need to draw two sets of blood cultures from two different sites as well as, apparently, the regular bloodwork, which would require poking him in the arm and/or hand three times.
"He's got really great veins." She insists. "I don't see why you can't get it. It's not like you have a hard job or anything."
You respond:
A) "Well, it's just that the other nurses have already pulled the rainbow and wait for the lab to come down before they put in an IV and order blood cultures, so we're able to draw at least something from the IV and save him a poke."
B) "Aren't you supposed do draw initial work from the IV if you put one in? It's not like it's a hard job or anything."
C) "How about you tell the patient that you don't feel like drawing from his IV, so I have to poke him three more times for no good reason?"
The nurse rolls her eyes and says, "He's got good veins, I don't know why you think I should have to pull from his IV. Are you new or something?"
You turn back into the room and inform the patient that you will have to poke him at least twice to get the blood cultures and possibly once more for the regular lab work.
The patient shrugs and turns his arm over.
One of his visiting daughters groans in pain as if she's the one being stuck. "Not in the hand!" She says. "The hand hurts!"
The patient's eyes widen in fear.
"I'm sorry," you say to the patient. "But your nurse doesn't want to pull blood from your IV, so I will have to go in your hand since one of your arms has an empty IV in it."
"Listen," the daughter says. "If you have a problem with the nurse, you should take it outside with her. Don't say things like that in front of my father. Just do your job."
You respond:
A) "When you're finished with your tirade, I'd like to finish my job, thanks."
B) "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that you were my patient. Of course I'll do your bidding."
C) "I you have a problem with me explaining how and why I'm doing my job, you need to leave the room."
The daughter crosses her arms and glares at you before leaving the room.
You successfully pull all the blood you need without further interference. As you transfer the blood to the bottles, the doctor breezes in and announces, "You've got an infection! It's pneumonia!"
You:
A) go back to the lab and request to pick up hours in the morgue, where there are no interfering families and no one can complain if they're getting poked four times.
B) resolve to never run tests for him again, out of spite.
C) look up to see it's the same doctor who always orders tests after blood is drawn despite being in the room with the phlebotomists, and decide that it's not worth the energy to punch him in the face.
As you're walking out of the emergency room, the daughter shouts at you: "Sorry it was so inconvenient for you!"
You respond:
A) by saying nothing.
B) by telling her that it's all her fault.
C) by being just as passive-aggressive as her and saying, "Oh, you didn't make it so inconvenient!"
If you chose mostly As
You could have a career in laboratory work!
If you chose mostly Bs
You could have a career as a nurse!
If you chose mostly Cs
You are Delia Logan; you should go to library school and live in a house full of cats.
Seriously. Second person point of view? Not easy to use sentence variety.
You turn to something on your left.
As you turn to something on your left, there is something on your left.
There is something on your left, and you look to see it.
PS, Torchwood is my new favorite show. I don't like it better than Who, but I think it's better put together. So much love. Wow. Oh, Captain Jack. Love love love.