I'd like to turn inside out
Ah a weekend alone. My dad went to Mexico to pick up my mom so here I am with the house all to myself. And what do I do with my time? Sit in front of the tube all day. I never expected to move back in with my parents as an adult and bring my child with me but that's the turn life took for me. I will be moving out soon though. I've been with them for a year now and it's actually been great. When I was a teenager I couldn't wait to leave my house and just go anywhere as long as it wasn't with them and my four brothers. I suppose that is a typical teenage thing to do. Now I can't imagine being without my parents or my four brothers. We are a very close nit family. Speaking of my brother Gilbert was here for about two days this past week. He lives in Austin with my other two brothers. He is slowly but surely covering himself in tattoos. He is already sleeved on both arms. He has some on his chest and on his back and one on his leg. But he says that even when he's 80 he'll still be getting tattoos.
We spent some time together on Wednesday and talked. Gilbert and I share a common occurance: we both suffer from night-terrors. We wake up screaming, choking, and trembling so violently that we think our hearts will explode. We've each witnessed it in the other. Why us two? Our other brothers don't have these things happen to them. Of course I've been taking meds now for the past month and the nightmares seem to have subsided. Gilbert keeps a journal too like I do. He was telling me about how he writes in it over and over again about the other worlds he believes exist. He doesn't believe in God but believes instead that humans made a conscience choice to become flesh in order to experience life's ultimate pleasures and pain. The price for becoming flesh is death after about a 100 years. Sounds interesting. I asked him to show me some of his journals. Maybe he will.
I still have all of mine from when I began my journal at 15. Obviously there are things I write about that I can not possibly put in LJ. But one thing is certain, one day they will come out. Many people are mentioned. Some may even be hurt by the things I write. That is not my intention but my private journals are the brutal truth of all that I experience, all that I perceive, and all the people who have come through my life whether good or bad. Recently a friend of mine asked me not to write in my journals about some things that were said and done by us. I smiled and said of course not, but deep inside I was raging at my friend for even having the gall to ask me to do that. NOBODY has the right to tell me what I can and can not write about. I was furious. In a way I still am over the whole thing. I haven't seen my friend in about a month. Well that sucks but life goes on. My journal will go on.
We spent some time together on Wednesday and talked. Gilbert and I share a common occurance: we both suffer from night-terrors. We wake up screaming, choking, and trembling so violently that we think our hearts will explode. We've each witnessed it in the other. Why us two? Our other brothers don't have these things happen to them. Of course I've been taking meds now for the past month and the nightmares seem to have subsided. Gilbert keeps a journal too like I do. He was telling me about how he writes in it over and over again about the other worlds he believes exist. He doesn't believe in God but believes instead that humans made a conscience choice to become flesh in order to experience life's ultimate pleasures and pain. The price for becoming flesh is death after about a 100 years. Sounds interesting. I asked him to show me some of his journals. Maybe he will.
I still have all of mine from when I began my journal at 15. Obviously there are things I write about that I can not possibly put in LJ. But one thing is certain, one day they will come out. Many people are mentioned. Some may even be hurt by the things I write. That is not my intention but my private journals are the brutal truth of all that I experience, all that I perceive, and all the people who have come through my life whether good or bad. Recently a friend of mine asked me not to write in my journals about some things that were said and done by us. I smiled and said of course not, but deep inside I was raging at my friend for even having the gall to ask me to do that. NOBODY has the right to tell me what I can and can not write about. I was furious. In a way I still am over the whole thing. I haven't seen my friend in about a month. Well that sucks but life goes on. My journal will go on.