Lazy days
Friday was our last day of school. Will have to go back to teach summer school but that's okay. If I am kept busy and distracted then I don't have time to focus too much on my troubles. I went to my doctor on Friday. He diagnosed me with a mild case of depression along with generalized anxiety disorder. He prescribed some pills for me to take. Hopefully I will be able to sleep through the night.
Anyways I 'm getting over quick the disappointment from Friday with my ex-boyfriend. We met a year ago at my brother's party in Austin. That's where he lives. I knew it would be a challenge to carry on a long distance relationship and after five months it took its toll and I broke up with him. We kept in touch and he kept saying maybe things would change, blah, blah.......
Well we began talking again two weeks ago. Just like old times. Like we were a couple again. I've been to Austin three times in the last three months but I didn't call him or see him because I was afraid of what that would do to him and me. Besides I'd heard from my brother that he had a new girlfirend. Well in the past two weeks he certainly didn't act like he had a girlfriend. He'd told me that they broke up. Well the truth came out. Turns out he still does talk to that girl, he says he has feelings for us both, and that he needs a girlfriend that lives in the same city as he does. I need a boyfriend that lives in the same city as me. I asked him to move here with me. Then he goes on to say he's afraid, what if it doesn't work out, what if I don't want him or he doesn't want me? Blah, Blah, Blah.......Whine, whine, whine. I told him he shouldn't have led me on these last two weeks and make me think there was a chance for us again. I mean the guy admitted he's kept all my e-mails from when we were dating, all my pictures that I sent him, he looks at my picture everyday, he said he still loved me, so what gives? He has another girlfriend and he says he loves us both.
Well I've got news for you buddy. You can't love us both. It's either me or her. With me it's either all or nothing. I will not play around with my love or my heart. Now you see why I've barricaded it against those who won't value it.
The hell with him. Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I being too harsh? Life is too short to be kept on a leash and left dangling to see whether or not it works out with someone else. There is a saying in Spainsh that goes "Yo no soy plato de segunda mesa" Which translated loosely means I will not be a second serving on the next table. It chaps my hide when I have to deal with people who don't know what the hell they want. I know exactly what I want.
Fear and doubt will destroy you. Don't let it into your heart. That is a lesson I've learned the hard way.
Anyways I 'm getting over quick the disappointment from Friday with my ex-boyfriend. We met a year ago at my brother's party in Austin. That's where he lives. I knew it would be a challenge to carry on a long distance relationship and after five months it took its toll and I broke up with him. We kept in touch and he kept saying maybe things would change, blah, blah.......
Well we began talking again two weeks ago. Just like old times. Like we were a couple again. I've been to Austin three times in the last three months but I didn't call him or see him because I was afraid of what that would do to him and me. Besides I'd heard from my brother that he had a new girlfirend. Well in the past two weeks he certainly didn't act like he had a girlfriend. He'd told me that they broke up. Well the truth came out. Turns out he still does talk to that girl, he says he has feelings for us both, and that he needs a girlfriend that lives in the same city as he does. I need a boyfriend that lives in the same city as me. I asked him to move here with me. Then he goes on to say he's afraid, what if it doesn't work out, what if I don't want him or he doesn't want me? Blah, Blah, Blah.......Whine, whine, whine. I told him he shouldn't have led me on these last two weeks and make me think there was a chance for us again. I mean the guy admitted he's kept all my e-mails from when we were dating, all my pictures that I sent him, he looks at my picture everyday, he said he still loved me, so what gives? He has another girlfriend and he says he loves us both.
Well I've got news for you buddy. You can't love us both. It's either me or her. With me it's either all or nothing. I will not play around with my love or my heart. Now you see why I've barricaded it against those who won't value it.
The hell with him. Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I being too harsh? Life is too short to be kept on a leash and left dangling to see whether or not it works out with someone else. There is a saying in Spainsh that goes "Yo no soy plato de segunda mesa" Which translated loosely means I will not be a second serving on the next table. It chaps my hide when I have to deal with people who don't know what the hell they want. I know exactly what I want.
Fear and doubt will destroy you. Don't let it into your heart. That is a lesson I've learned the hard way.