Like a raindeer
Taking life with a grain of salt.
"Let the flame of my heart
Burn away
Your complacence tonight
I command you to rise"
Hellfire sanctifies my words tonight.
Chanted from the words of Disturbed - Rise.
I am going through a lot of things, trying to grow up, head-bang myself into life before they bang my head into the wall with the general tenderness of a standard issue RPG rocket. The prospect of life on my own is growing close and the choice of what to do with this life is a tough one.
This is the ending of a really poor year, in the general account of good things and bad things. I'm growing out of many of the fantasies nesting in me and realize just how much there is to take upon when I get out of the cradle which is the army.
I am a spoiled brat or so it would seem some people think I am. My own father gives me something to think about, when hearing the motions gearing in his head when he looks at me. I am more my mother's child then his, while my sister is his true pupil.
This is hard for me, since this is a sticky situation - I adore my father and his achievements and that sets very high standards for me too.
Standards I’m not quite sure I want to live up too, at least not by doing things like him. This is going to be harder that way, since, like all new things; it would be to invent the way on the fly and not going through a well built railroad. The challenge that scares me is to go my own way and do my own things. He gives me his full blessing to do whatever I want as long as I DO it.
So the new challenge is to find out what is it I want to do.
Tough nut to crack.
I still have things to check out, but it’s going to be some kind of art and it’s going to be something highly competitive. Hate to admit it to myself, but one of my purest pleasure is, as told in the song “Eye of the Tiger” - to rise up to the challenge of my rivals. No rival, no outside challenge.
Being mostly mild mannered, this is quite the surprise to many of my foes over time. I am overly zealous at doing things just right and to the end when caring about them. Not quite the team-worker too. Too independent and perfectionist, I only trust selected few to do things better then me in my own selected fields. And even then.
I like the contest.
And I like to win.
Considering all, luck is my greatest asset so far, with little to do with me along the way - almost everything I did was a success, at least at my own eyes. Leading easy life is easy when you can, but it spared me the lessons that would be needed later.
I don’t want to depend on my parents all that long, and would go great lengths to make sure to repay my debt to them with more then just my eternal gratitude and love.
Above that, I want to achieve things on my own, with as little help as I can.
Decisions are made, not hesitated into.
Getting out of the shadow of my family is going to be a real mission and the seeds and first moves of coming to my own are going to be done in the next year.
Time to go, time to work, time to learn.
I wish you all happy times, and to myself I wish to finally find my direction.
Hopefully before I’m 40.
Take it slow friends, just not ALL that slowly ok?
"Let the flame of my heart
Burn away
Your complacence tonight
I command you to rise"
Hellfire sanctifies my words tonight.
Chanted from the words of Disturbed - Rise.
I am going through a lot of things, trying to grow up, head-bang myself into life before they bang my head into the wall with the general tenderness of a standard issue RPG rocket. The prospect of life on my own is growing close and the choice of what to do with this life is a tough one.
This is the ending of a really poor year, in the general account of good things and bad things. I'm growing out of many of the fantasies nesting in me and realize just how much there is to take upon when I get out of the cradle which is the army.
I am a spoiled brat or so it would seem some people think I am. My own father gives me something to think about, when hearing the motions gearing in his head when he looks at me. I am more my mother's child then his, while my sister is his true pupil.
This is hard for me, since this is a sticky situation - I adore my father and his achievements and that sets very high standards for me too.
Standards I’m not quite sure I want to live up too, at least not by doing things like him. This is going to be harder that way, since, like all new things; it would be to invent the way on the fly and not going through a well built railroad. The challenge that scares me is to go my own way and do my own things. He gives me his full blessing to do whatever I want as long as I DO it.
So the new challenge is to find out what is it I want to do.
Tough nut to crack.
I still have things to check out, but it’s going to be some kind of art and it’s going to be something highly competitive. Hate to admit it to myself, but one of my purest pleasure is, as told in the song “Eye of the Tiger” - to rise up to the challenge of my rivals. No rival, no outside challenge.
Being mostly mild mannered, this is quite the surprise to many of my foes over time. I am overly zealous at doing things just right and to the end when caring about them. Not quite the team-worker too. Too independent and perfectionist, I only trust selected few to do things better then me in my own selected fields. And even then.
I like the contest.
And I like to win.
Considering all, luck is my greatest asset so far, with little to do with me along the way - almost everything I did was a success, at least at my own eyes. Leading easy life is easy when you can, but it spared me the lessons that would be needed later.
I don’t want to depend on my parents all that long, and would go great lengths to make sure to repay my debt to them with more then just my eternal gratitude and love.
Above that, I want to achieve things on my own, with as little help as I can.
Decisions are made, not hesitated into.
Getting out of the shadow of my family is going to be a real mission and the seeds and first moves of coming to my own are going to be done in the next year.
Time to go, time to work, time to learn.
I wish you all happy times, and to myself I wish to finally find my direction.
Hopefully before I’m 40.
Take it slow friends, just not ALL that slowly ok?