Three drabbles and a ficlet
For gehayi
"Sparkles in sunlight?" Aziraphale said. "Vampires don't sparkle."
"It depends how much gunpowder you use," Crowley said. He cast a disparaging eye on Aziraphale's reading matter. "I do wish you'd give up trying to understand the young people of today."
"I mean, that Romanian chap, Vlad, he didn't sparkle," Aziraphale said.
"You never met Vlad the Impaler," Crowley said. "He wasn't a vampire anyway."
"Well, not then. But I see him all the time in that eastern European grocery. He works nights."
Crowley briefly let himself think Why me, O Lord?. He wasn't so stupid as to say it aloud.
For eponis
"The irony is, I really thought it was good to suggest they stayed the night in Gibeah," Crowley said.
"You don't know how to do good," Aziraphale muttered, looking around the battlefields. "Couldn't you have made the crowd blind, so they couldn't find the door?"
"That's your trick," Crowley said. "Anyway, the locals have paid for their night of atrocities."
"A whole tribe, wiped out."
Crowley beamed. It was good to have cheerful news. "Well, no," he said. "I told them how to get wives despite the ban."
He explained. And was utterly flummoxed as to why Aziraphale punched him.
(Based on the unpleasant events of Judges 19-21)
For puddingcat
"I don't see why we couldn't have met at the tea house," Michitaka said. He fumbled with his briefcase, producing the files on the current case. "The criminal -"
"Mister," Kiyoi said. He smiled and corrected himself, "Michitaka-san, I thought being at an onsen would allow us time to consider your cases in new ways. Shouldn't you change?"
"Change?"
"You can't go round in a suit and tie. Put on a yukata. Relax. We can bathe later."
In the hot water, Michitaka thought, Kiyoi's hand would be warm. If they accidentally touched.
"Well," he admitted. "Maybe a suit is too formal."
for rysmiel
"Hey, baby," Zaphod said, "Did the Improbability Drive pick you up? Trillian! I thought you set the drive to filter out hitchhikers?"
"We don't seem to have a setting for demons," she said.
"Nice spaceship," Crowley said. "I bet you're famous for stealing it."
"Oh, yeah. I mean, what?" Zaphod said in carefully-practiced sincerity. Trillian had a thing for avoiding unnecessary notice (which he assumed was an Earth concept).
"How'd you like to be famous on every planet for stealing it? Even planets that are in the stone age, have no TV and think there's nothing beyond their crystal spheres? Er, atmospheres? Right now? At no cost to you - not of anything you're using, anyhow."
Zaphod's eyes lit up. "My fame gets even more mega? And I don't actually have to do anything? Do you have some hold over backwater media? The ones that use that stuff to put news on - what's that stuff, Trillian? With the words?"
"Paper," she sighed.
"Trust me, all the tabloid editors owe me one," Crowley said. "But before you get your name in the papers, maybe I could have your signature on some parchment?"
Luckily for Zaphod, Trillian's degrees in astrophysics had included a historical module covering rather more mediaeval cosmology than she'd previously had use for. At the first whiff of brimstone she hit the Improbability Drive again.
"Well, bugger," Crowley said, appearing outside the ship and watching it vanish in an improbable way. "Evening," he added, as the approaching angel stopped pushing its planet round its crystal sphere and looked at him in surprise.
"Are you here to do the next millennium's shift?" the angel said. "It's not that I mind doing overtime, but I'm dying for a fag and a sitdown."
"Sorry, I've got a long way to go," Crowley said, and set off at a fast pace for Earth.
It was a long walk.
"Sparkles in sunlight?" Aziraphale said. "Vampires don't sparkle."
"It depends how much gunpowder you use," Crowley said. He cast a disparaging eye on Aziraphale's reading matter. "I do wish you'd give up trying to understand the young people of today."
"I mean, that Romanian chap, Vlad, he didn't sparkle," Aziraphale said.
"You never met Vlad the Impaler," Crowley said. "He wasn't a vampire anyway."
"Well, not then. But I see him all the time in that eastern European grocery. He works nights."
Crowley briefly let himself think Why me, O Lord?. He wasn't so stupid as to say it aloud.
For eponis
"The irony is, I really thought it was good to suggest they stayed the night in Gibeah," Crowley said.
"You don't know how to do good," Aziraphale muttered, looking around the battlefields. "Couldn't you have made the crowd blind, so they couldn't find the door?"
"That's your trick," Crowley said. "Anyway, the locals have paid for their night of atrocities."
"A whole tribe, wiped out."
Crowley beamed. It was good to have cheerful news. "Well, no," he said. "I told them how to get wives despite the ban."
He explained. And was utterly flummoxed as to why Aziraphale punched him.
(Based on the unpleasant events of Judges 19-21)
For puddingcat
"I don't see why we couldn't have met at the tea house," Michitaka said. He fumbled with his briefcase, producing the files on the current case. "The criminal -"
"Mister," Kiyoi said. He smiled and corrected himself, "Michitaka-san, I thought being at an onsen would allow us time to consider your cases in new ways. Shouldn't you change?"
"Change?"
"You can't go round in a suit and tie. Put on a yukata. Relax. We can bathe later."
In the hot water, Michitaka thought, Kiyoi's hand would be warm. If they accidentally touched.
"Well," he admitted. "Maybe a suit is too formal."
for rysmiel
"Hey, baby," Zaphod said, "Did the Improbability Drive pick you up? Trillian! I thought you set the drive to filter out hitchhikers?"
"We don't seem to have a setting for demons," she said.
"Nice spaceship," Crowley said. "I bet you're famous for stealing it."
"Oh, yeah. I mean, what?" Zaphod said in carefully-practiced sincerity. Trillian had a thing for avoiding unnecessary notice (which he assumed was an Earth concept).
"How'd you like to be famous on every planet for stealing it? Even planets that are in the stone age, have no TV and think there's nothing beyond their crystal spheres? Er, atmospheres? Right now? At no cost to you - not of anything you're using, anyhow."
Zaphod's eyes lit up. "My fame gets even more mega? And I don't actually have to do anything? Do you have some hold over backwater media? The ones that use that stuff to put news on - what's that stuff, Trillian? With the words?"
"Paper," she sighed.
"Trust me, all the tabloid editors owe me one," Crowley said. "But before you get your name in the papers, maybe I could have your signature on some parchment?"
Luckily for Zaphod, Trillian's degrees in astrophysics had included a historical module covering rather more mediaeval cosmology than she'd previously had use for. At the first whiff of brimstone she hit the Improbability Drive again.
"Well, bugger," Crowley said, appearing outside the ship and watching it vanish in an improbable way. "Evening," he added, as the approaching angel stopped pushing its planet round its crystal sphere and looked at him in surprise.
"Are you here to do the next millennium's shift?" the angel said. "It's not that I mind doing overtime, but I'm dying for a fag and a sitdown."
"Sorry, I've got a long way to go," Crowley said, and set off at a fast pace for Earth.
It was a long walk.