Losing all hope is freedom...
I can't believe it's been six months...oh how the time flies when you're...whatever I've been the last six months. I've felt like a different person every morning when I woke up. You'd think after six months it would be easy not to think, not to care, but you'd be surprised at how difficult it actually is. I feel hollow, like something is missing from my life. I don't know what it is, and I don't know how to fill the void. Dating numerous girls and having "fun" hasn't helped, getting into a serious relationship didn't help, alcohol sure as hell hasn't helped (as anyone who saw my face after Justin and I went out to celebrate his graduation can attest to). What am I missing? Why can't I be happy with the way my life is? I have tons of great friends who love me. There are more than a few girls who want to date me, so any insecurities about me never finding someone are gone. There's even one I like quite a bit. So what's wrong with me? I can't help but wonder what things would be like if I had just given in months ago, but when I think about it I know that it would have prevented me from growing into the person I've become, which is I must say, a much stronger man (and apparently better looking too with the facial hair). So I've got a lot going for me apparently. I'm not going to say my life sucks because it doensn't, not by a longshot. I'm still as lucky as ever, charming, funny, charismatic (stop me before I sound too conceited). I've got so much, and yet I'm not happy. Despite my family, my friends, my lady friends, my adorable puppy :-P I've never felt as lonely as I do right now. I don't feel at home. I want to feel at home so bad, but I don't know how to find it. I want to fly again, but my wings are gone. I want what everyone wants, to be happy...that's all I want for Christmas...but I don't think I'll find it in my stocking...