Grandparenthood
Our family life is interesting to say the least.
Three of the grandchildren live upstairs with their Mom and Dad (my son.) Soon there will be four.
D is a very strong mother figure with her own way of doing things. She should be. I should let her be. That has been the hardest adjustment.
Of course I also have stuck to my beliefs about motherhood pretty strongly. I was never dictatorial, but more of a mediator mother.
As far as nutrition, I believe I have had a clear idea of what foods I should be feeding growing bodies and minds. Creating interesting, nutritious meals was something I learned from my Mom. (Thanks Mom!) And in fact was a big learning curve for Dunk whose mother was less likely to worry about green things in his diet. I can't say Dunk eats well, because of all the junk he consumes, but I will say he has developed a wonderful love of interesting great food and it's preparation.
Along with nutrition I was on a very limited budget at the grocery store. B said just the other day how she remembered going through the grocery store with one of those clicking counters to make sure we didn't go over our $32 budget for that week. I was able to create meals that were within the budget I had to work with. Plus when it was meal time, I would go through the refrigerator and cupboards to put something together economically. Anyway, I was good at working within the budget and saying "no" to things that were convenience and therefore more expensive.
Fast food was coming into being in the early 70's and I could only afford to take the kids very occasionally. Their accurate memories are of my buying one burger and one order of fries at McDonald's and splitting it among them.
So it is difficult to watch the money spent on fast food and convenience meals when I know there is a cheaper way to feed your family. Especially when I load the house up with the makings for meals. Last night was escalloped chicken and noodles from Stouffers. That thinking and buying, is just too far beyond me.
For me, these are some of the nit picky things that have set me off about my grand-kids.
Like I mentioned, I took a much softer line with my kids, because that is just me. These kids get put in time-out or sent to there rooms very, very often. Even a look can get them punished. I have no idea what got N sent to his room last night from the dinner table. I was sitting right next to him and his mother across the table.... and all of a sudden he was heading for the stairs with his shoulders all slumped.
I am really trying to stay out of things. The kids will come to me and ask for things Mom has said "no" about. L even asked me about the computer last Wednesday when apparently his Dad had already told him "no". So I have to be careful.
Often their punishment is not giving Dunk & I hugs and kisses good night. It is hard and I may never adjust.
Part of the whole dynamic is that kids soon understand who they should go to for what. A problem for me because I am vulnerable to their sweet little faces. But D is ready to pounce whenever I have responded "inappropriately" and is quick to punish them and to put me back in my place.
I do think it doesn't take long in families for kids to come to an understanding about who to approach for what. I am sure I and my siblings did the same. Go to Mom for this and Dad for that. I had definite opinions about who was the most fair and who wasn't. Who understood me the best and who didn't understand me at all. Who was less selfish. Who had time for me.
As my friend said after her first grandchild was born, "We are grandparents and they are not our kids!" So true. And despite our differences as mothers, we are both very loving mothers with our strong ideas of what is right for the kids. And that includes our own personalities and what we are comfortable with and what we are not.
OMG. If I had to deal with my mother-in-law the way D has to with me, I would have strangled Phyllis.
Three of the grandchildren live upstairs with their Mom and Dad (my son.) Soon there will be four.
D is a very strong mother figure with her own way of doing things. She should be. I should let her be. That has been the hardest adjustment.
Of course I also have stuck to my beliefs about motherhood pretty strongly. I was never dictatorial, but more of a mediator mother.
As far as nutrition, I believe I have had a clear idea of what foods I should be feeding growing bodies and minds. Creating interesting, nutritious meals was something I learned from my Mom. (Thanks Mom!) And in fact was a big learning curve for Dunk whose mother was less likely to worry about green things in his diet. I can't say Dunk eats well, because of all the junk he consumes, but I will say he has developed a wonderful love of interesting great food and it's preparation.
Along with nutrition I was on a very limited budget at the grocery store. B said just the other day how she remembered going through the grocery store with one of those clicking counters to make sure we didn't go over our $32 budget for that week. I was able to create meals that were within the budget I had to work with. Plus when it was meal time, I would go through the refrigerator and cupboards to put something together economically. Anyway, I was good at working within the budget and saying "no" to things that were convenience and therefore more expensive.
Fast food was coming into being in the early 70's and I could only afford to take the kids very occasionally. Their accurate memories are of my buying one burger and one order of fries at McDonald's and splitting it among them.
So it is difficult to watch the money spent on fast food and convenience meals when I know there is a cheaper way to feed your family. Especially when I load the house up with the makings for meals. Last night was escalloped chicken and noodles from Stouffers. That thinking and buying, is just too far beyond me.
For me, these are some of the nit picky things that have set me off about my grand-kids.
Like I mentioned, I took a much softer line with my kids, because that is just me. These kids get put in time-out or sent to there rooms very, very often. Even a look can get them punished. I have no idea what got N sent to his room last night from the dinner table. I was sitting right next to him and his mother across the table.... and all of a sudden he was heading for the stairs with his shoulders all slumped.
I am really trying to stay out of things. The kids will come to me and ask for things Mom has said "no" about. L even asked me about the computer last Wednesday when apparently his Dad had already told him "no". So I have to be careful.
Often their punishment is not giving Dunk & I hugs and kisses good night. It is hard and I may never adjust.
Part of the whole dynamic is that kids soon understand who they should go to for what. A problem for me because I am vulnerable to their sweet little faces. But D is ready to pounce whenever I have responded "inappropriately" and is quick to punish them and to put me back in my place.
I do think it doesn't take long in families for kids to come to an understanding about who to approach for what. I am sure I and my siblings did the same. Go to Mom for this and Dad for that. I had definite opinions about who was the most fair and who wasn't. Who understood me the best and who didn't understand me at all. Who was less selfish. Who had time for me.
As my friend said after her first grandchild was born, "We are grandparents and they are not our kids!" So true. And despite our differences as mothers, we are both very loving mothers with our strong ideas of what is right for the kids. And that includes our own personalities and what we are comfortable with and what we are not.
OMG. If I had to deal with my mother-in-law the way D has to with me, I would have strangled Phyllis.