Why must I be the crazy one??
I am soo tired of feeling like Im the one that should apologize for everything.. Why dont you just stay the hell out of my way.. I dont care anymore!! I dont care about what you feel and I dont care about who is wrong or right.. Stop trying to make this more than it is.. I dont care ANYMORE!!!! Or you.. do you want something from me?? I know thats why my phone is ringing.. Just leave me alone..
You think I changed??? I dont care.. Maybe I did.. maybe its too late to fix things.. Maybe I still dont care.. This is me.. This is who I am now.. Get used to it or do something about it.. Do you know how I feel?? Do any of you know?? NO you dont!! You think cuz I smile or cuz I go out and have a little fun now that my life is ok.. Well fuck what you think.. You dont know!! You dont know how I feel inside.. You wanna accuse or assume?? Go ahead.. I dont care.. You think Im acting funny or shady or different.. why??? because things are a little out of the Norm?? Oh Well!! Im tired.. Im so friggin tired man.. I dont want to do this no more.. I just want to be me.. Can I do that?? I friggin work too.. I did my homework, I changed the babies, I made dinner, I cleaned the house and i did the dishes.. Am I done?? Is it over?? Are you gone?? Why is "your" hand out?? Oh, you want money right?? Yea because I work to just give it to you.. Oh the rent is due?? YaY!! just what I love to do.. pay rent.. Your clothes are dirty?? aww poor baby.. I guess I should wash them.. right?? Oh.. "OUR" kids are hungry.. I guess I should feed them..
Why does it feel so wrong to just want more?? Why do I feel like I should feel guilty about something? This friggin sucks.. I hate that my decisions affect other people.. I hate that lately I feel like Im back at home with my parents.. Like damn.. If I dont call or come right home.. oh the fuck well.. yeah its a little inconsiderate.. but Im fucking grown.. I have waited a really long time to say that.. IM FUCKING GROWN!!!!!!!.. They are your kids too.. I shouldnt have to feel guilty for going out.. I shouldnt have to wonder or worry or call.. I didnt make them on my own.. They are home with their father.. isnt that good enough??? I have sat in for almost 2 1/2 years straight.. and pretty much 4 years all together.. I just want to be ME.. I dont even know if that makes sense.. I dont even know if what Im saying is even clear.. When Im out I feel like that Im wrong for going out, that Im gonna make them mad.. why is that?? I have never left them or hurt them.. I have never given anyone a reason to think that I would EVER leave my kids.. They are my world.. and nothing, that can be avoided, will ever keep me away from them.. I just want to have a little fun now.. Im trying to look at the situation from an outside view.. I have been through soooo much.. more than people know.. I thought that I would come out of things stronger.. but I lied to myself.. Im so weak inside and maybe thats why Im attaching myself to people.. Maybe thats why the only joy I feel anymore is when Im starving from not eating anymore or just drinking way too much.. I dont know.. Im sooo tired of crying and wanting to do the right thing.. Im so worried about how people see me and how they will see me.. I have never wanted to be like this.. I dont know why i am the crazy one.. I dont know why my insides feel like fire is running through my veins.. I feel like I cant please anyone, I feel like I let people down. Im just soo tired.. I just want to be left alone.. then u tell me.. I can find my own way in??? who do u think you are?? I know I will help you find a way out if thats what you like.. Just remember.. I have always taken care of myself.. I know how to do that.. I know how to be a big girl now..
You think I changed??? I dont care.. Maybe I did.. maybe its too late to fix things.. Maybe I still dont care.. This is me.. This is who I am now.. Get used to it or do something about it.. Do you know how I feel?? Do any of you know?? NO you dont!! You think cuz I smile or cuz I go out and have a little fun now that my life is ok.. Well fuck what you think.. You dont know!! You dont know how I feel inside.. You wanna accuse or assume?? Go ahead.. I dont care.. You think Im acting funny or shady or different.. why??? because things are a little out of the Norm?? Oh Well!! Im tired.. Im so friggin tired man.. I dont want to do this no more.. I just want to be me.. Can I do that?? I friggin work too.. I did my homework, I changed the babies, I made dinner, I cleaned the house and i did the dishes.. Am I done?? Is it over?? Are you gone?? Why is "your" hand out?? Oh, you want money right?? Yea because I work to just give it to you.. Oh the rent is due?? YaY!! just what I love to do.. pay rent.. Your clothes are dirty?? aww poor baby.. I guess I should wash them.. right?? Oh.. "OUR" kids are hungry.. I guess I should feed them..
Why does it feel so wrong to just want more?? Why do I feel like I should feel guilty about something? This friggin sucks.. I hate that my decisions affect other people.. I hate that lately I feel like Im back at home with my parents.. Like damn.. If I dont call or come right home.. oh the fuck well.. yeah its a little inconsiderate.. but Im fucking grown.. I have waited a really long time to say that.. IM FUCKING GROWN!!!!!!!.. They are your kids too.. I shouldnt have to feel guilty for going out.. I shouldnt have to wonder or worry or call.. I didnt make them on my own.. They are home with their father.. isnt that good enough??? I have sat in for almost 2 1/2 years straight.. and pretty much 4 years all together.. I just want to be ME.. I dont even know if that makes sense.. I dont even know if what Im saying is even clear.. When Im out I feel like that Im wrong for going out, that Im gonna make them mad.. why is that?? I have never left them or hurt them.. I have never given anyone a reason to think that I would EVER leave my kids.. They are my world.. and nothing, that can be avoided, will ever keep me away from them.. I just want to have a little fun now.. Im trying to look at the situation from an outside view.. I have been through soooo much.. more than people know.. I thought that I would come out of things stronger.. but I lied to myself.. Im so weak inside and maybe thats why Im attaching myself to people.. Maybe thats why the only joy I feel anymore is when Im starving from not eating anymore or just drinking way too much.. I dont know.. Im sooo tired of crying and wanting to do the right thing.. Im so worried about how people see me and how they will see me.. I have never wanted to be like this.. I dont know why i am the crazy one.. I dont know why my insides feel like fire is running through my veins.. I feel like I cant please anyone, I feel like I let people down. Im just soo tired.. I just want to be left alone.. then u tell me.. I can find my own way in??? who do u think you are?? I know I will help you find a way out if thats what you like.. Just remember.. I have always taken care of myself.. I know how to do that.. I know how to be a big girl now..