Late night talk
Dear Journal,
Well its been awhile since I have written here.. Well since I have had anything to really talk about.. Everytime I feel like I have all these emotions really going on and I am gonna log in and type away, I never do.. By the time I actually have time to do that, I forgot how I was feeling, or another feeling took over.. I pretty much am going through some changes in my life. Most of them are good and then there are some that I am just thinking about doing..
Joanne (my stepmom) gave me some stuff of my father's the other day.. I guess now that he is dead and her boyfriend is coming out of jail soon, she wants to get rid of all of his stuff.. I dont know.. The funny thing or should I say thing(s) is that it is more like she is trying to get rid of everything that she was when she was with my father.. Most of the stuff she gave me were cards to "her" from people at the funeral, pictures of me and my two sisters, the grand kids, pictures of him.. I just felt like, she was trying to get rid of more than just his stuff... She gave me his jewelry, well the stuff that she couldnt sell anyways.. Most of it was the fashion or fake stuff that he wore when he went out to look good.. Nothing is worth money value.. I mean, I treasure it because it was his, but she probably only gave it to me because it wasnt worth any street value.. All the things he had that was worth money, she already got rid of that.. so I wasnt surprised.. I just miss him so much.. I keep telling myself that this is all part of life, and everyone goes through this at one point in their life.. That this is silly to still feel like this.. He is my father, he was old, I'm supposed to let go.. But I still cant.. Maybe if I knew that my kids got to know him, instead of just telling that when they look at pictures, oh thats pop-pop.. I want them to know, to feel, to have experienced being part of his life.. I just wish he was around to help straighten things out.. Im so tired, of typing and telling and feeling and complaining about the things in my life like my sisters.. I dont know.. my man is up now.. so im gonna go to bed.. I dont like him seeing this.. so good night..
Well its been awhile since I have written here.. Well since I have had anything to really talk about.. Everytime I feel like I have all these emotions really going on and I am gonna log in and type away, I never do.. By the time I actually have time to do that, I forgot how I was feeling, or another feeling took over.. I pretty much am going through some changes in my life. Most of them are good and then there are some that I am just thinking about doing..
Joanne (my stepmom) gave me some stuff of my father's the other day.. I guess now that he is dead and her boyfriend is coming out of jail soon, she wants to get rid of all of his stuff.. I dont know.. The funny thing or should I say thing(s) is that it is more like she is trying to get rid of everything that she was when she was with my father.. Most of the stuff she gave me were cards to "her" from people at the funeral, pictures of me and my two sisters, the grand kids, pictures of him.. I just felt like, she was trying to get rid of more than just his stuff... She gave me his jewelry, well the stuff that she couldnt sell anyways.. Most of it was the fashion or fake stuff that he wore when he went out to look good.. Nothing is worth money value.. I mean, I treasure it because it was his, but she probably only gave it to me because it wasnt worth any street value.. All the things he had that was worth money, she already got rid of that.. so I wasnt surprised.. I just miss him so much.. I keep telling myself that this is all part of life, and everyone goes through this at one point in their life.. That this is silly to still feel like this.. He is my father, he was old, I'm supposed to let go.. But I still cant.. Maybe if I knew that my kids got to know him, instead of just telling that when they look at pictures, oh thats pop-pop.. I want them to know, to feel, to have experienced being part of his life.. I just wish he was around to help straighten things out.. Im so tired, of typing and telling and feeling and complaining about the things in my life like my sisters.. I dont know.. my man is up now.. so im gonna go to bed.. I dont like him seeing this.. so good night..