I've been in a funk lately, alternately frustrated and depressed about my son's mental illness. Some days I think my emotions are scrambled, irrational and contradictive. I worry about my son's future, especially the years after I'm gone, and I worry about his present, the fact he has no life beyond these walls, no friends.

In early 2012 he applied ( Read more... )

My youngest son Jeffrey graduates college in three weeks. We're driving to the coast to spend a week at Venice Beach to make a vacation of it. We'll commute between the beach and UCLA for commencement and other activities planned for the week. I'm looking forward to the trip. I need the break.

I haven't had a vacation since September of '10. Cheryl ( Read more... )

It appears this week will be the third consecutive 60+ hour work week. I'm not complaining. The O.T. money is helpful but it's hard to get other things done when you spend all daylight hours at work. I leave home before dawn and return well after dusk. If I could just tilt the axis of the earth a few degrees toward the sun I might get some outdoor ( Read more... )

I haven't posted about James in a long time. It's just too difficult to deal with. To see him languishing this way, day after day, week after week, is painful. The writing does not always help.

The things my once highly capable son did without a thought are a daily struggle. The simple behavior we take for granted is beyond him. It wears me down. ( Read more... )

I'm half watching a documentary style reality show about life in prison. I can't watch a program like this without thinking of my son's recent history. In 2008 I was watching an episode of what may be the same series. James was in jail at the time. It was an unsettling moment of clarity seeing the environment my boy was living in.

James will be 25 ( Read more... )

Is the boiling point for blood the same as water? I need to know.

Over the last few days my ex wife and I have exchanged a few emails regarding Jeffrey's upcoming UCLA tuition payments. That's all good. I took the opportunity to update her on some news regarding James.

Yesterday afternoon I met with Dr. Ramalamadingdong. He heard from nurse Pat ( Read more... )

On Saturday night Cheryl and I took James out for dinner and a movie. We had Grimaldi's pizza and saw the lastest George Clooney film 'Up In the Air'. The pizza from Brooklyn was great. The movie was good. My son needs to get away from this house more often but it's hard to do with our work schedules and responsibilities.

I've had a very tough time ( Read more... )

Last night Cheryl and I took the boys to an NBA game as a Xmas gift. The Boston Celtics were in town to play the Phoenix Suns. Sporting events have always been a major entertainment choice for our family. Over the years I've taken my boys to ballgames from Boston to Los Angeles and many points between. James and Jeff love attending games.

Before ( Read more... )

I have the Scrooge gene, the direct antithesis of the Christmas gene. I also have a soft spot for my sons, people I love and some of the traditions I grew up with. Sure it was indoctrination, but it was mine.

In a previous edition of this blog I mentioned something about decorating. Last weekend came. Nothing was happening. I assumed Cheryl read my ( Read more... )

I've been a in funk most of this week. They claim the holidays are the worst time of year for depression as we miss the people we've lost, we reflect back on a year, or we judge where we are in life. As we take year end inventory of our lives, the introspection can be sobering.

Jeffrey flew home Wednesday evening. Having my boys home feels good. ( Read more... )