Compromise Is No Picnic
In May of last year, when Cheryl moved in, my two car garage became a one car garage. She has so many boxes packed with stuff we had to use 1/2 the garage to store it. Merging two households will always result in redundancy. Some of the items she has boxed were not unpacked because I already have cookware, dishes, decor, etc. Other boxes? I have no clue. Over the past 11 months very few of those boxes were unpacked. I think she actually added to the pile.
One of my favorite parts of getting divorced, besides the obvious, was setting up my own household and my ability to simplify. Clutter is a pet peeve of mine. I'm not a clean freak, but cluttered counter tops, tables, or simply too much decor is something I don't like. The only area I can tolerate clutter is my desk. It's always a mess but no one else has to deal with that space.
We really need to pare down some of the stored items we have in packed closets and in my garage, especially since there's a fair chance we'll be moving. I'm not a big fan of them, but I want to have a garage sale soon. There's plenty of stuff to warrant a sale. Yesterday we spent much of the day going through boxes and shelves finding things we can live without. We don't always agree.
It's so easy to look at someone else's stuff and cast it away as unnecessary. It's just as easy to see your things as more desirable and want to use your dishes, your cutlery, and sell the other stuff. These are the situations were dealing with. I've been in full compromise mode, and it's no picnic.
I've stated before, I don't focus on material, but some of the the things I bought after my divorce have meaning to me. They're symbols of my long awaited freedom from my difficult marriage, my fresh start. I know it may sound silly but I love my Ikea dishes, 32 pieces, plain white, in perfect condition. I picked them out, I love to cook and how many guys get to pick the dishes? Really. I packed the entire set in boxes yesterday, they will be sold, in favor of her Crate & Barrel set. I made it clear to my partner this compromise did not come easy. I really hate selling that Ikea set.
She's parting with some items I'm sure she'd like to keep. Cheryl is a pack rat. She knows it, so if she reads this, my stating it won't offend. She has things saved in so many plastic bins and cardboard boxes I get dizzy just thinking about moving them......again. She agreed to part with her few dozen LP's she held on to. She has many of them on CD anyway. She's getting rid of shoes. OMG! But they're from the 80's.
When she first moved in there was compromise. We use her bedroom set even though I love my very basic set. James is now sleeping on mine. We use her flatware. We got rid of her kitty-couch and chairs in favor of my leather sectional and recliner. I don't have fancy things, but they're in good shape. My dining room set stayed, hers went bye-bye.
We have so much more compromise on the horizon. Even after we purged many items there are still more than 40 boxes and bins in the garage. Very few are mine. FORTY boxes of things we don't use. That's why they're in the garage. Where are we going to keep all this stuff that has not seen the light of day in years, in some cases, a decade? Why do people cling to things?
We're currently in negotiations. The automakers have a better shot at getting concessions.
There's a box labeled 'purses'. I asked if they could go. She said, "No, those are my 'current' purses.", to which I replied, "Currently in a box in the garage for the past year." I'm a guy, I may not understand.
She has two nativity scenes but will part with neither. Being an atheist, I don't decorate for Christmas, or any holiday. I promised her we'd have a tree, decorate, and she can set up her Baby Jesus action figures if she sells one nativity set. I even got her to admit that one set has more 'sentimental' value than the other, though it did not get the 'less valued' set any closer to the garage sale pile.
I have a modern Scandinavian desk from Ikea I absolutely love. It's huge. I've already accepted the fact I may have to sell it if there's not room for it in the next residence. I'll take a huge loss on that desk. I won't make that decision until we actually move, which is still undetermined. The same for my billiards table. I may have to unload it, but if there's room I'm keeping it because I know I'll get next-to-nothing for it.
I won't spend a nickel on one piece of furniture, home decor, or kitchenware until we've purged all the unused and unneeded things we have in this house. We have more furniture than we need but she thinks we should get a new living room set. Not on my watch.
Compromise is great as long as it's made with common sense. Our attachment to our own things, hers or mine, is not based on sense.