Hmm.
People are talking so much shit about me.
And I just don't give a damn this time!
I have way too much shit going on in my life to care. I know who's talking the shit anyway and everyone I know who matters to me KNOWS that those people are full of shit.
The only thing that bugs me is everything I always did for these people. I always give all I have to everyone and get stabbed in the back in the end.
Oh well. Fuck 'em.
I'm so insane lately with my apartment hunting and job hunting and school and everything else. I hit a bit of a bad spot this past week.. I was really depressed and stressed and scared and so many other things.. I'm trying to get through it all.. it's just hard. I'm kicked out of my apartment in less than 2 weeks... and I have nowhere to go.
I've been trying so hard to find an apartment.. I can't seem to find any that aren't an hour bus ride away from school or cheaper than like $800.. My dad's freaking out on me via email like every single day now, wanting to know what the hell I'm going to do. And I have to keep telling him "I really don't know.."
I've been trying to keep to myself as much as possible and I think that last night I realized that doing that is not really the way to go. I need my friends and I need to have a good time. I don't have the money for it but I need to go out and do some fun stuff. Winter is just about here and I no longer get to go tanning so I'm sinking into my seasonal depression on top of all the stress I have right now. I'm having such a hard time. Everyone works so much, though. No one has time to forget all their problems and go out with me for a couple of hours. I don't even have that time. But I would make the time!
I need to try and keep some sort of positive attitude though, right?! Stay upbeat! I can't let myself sink into anymore of these holes where I'm just depressed and worried all the time.
Ugh, I wish so often that someone would just take me in their arms and hold me for a while. I want that. I want to cry on someone's shoulder. I need to know that someone is here for me. But I can't. I need to forget about that. I need to not sit down and try to be consoled. All I can do is keep going or I'll never get back up again.
I'd forgotten how hard it is to get back on your own two feet again. I had hoped I wouldn't have to go through this again so soon. But here I am. Another lesson learned, another lease NOT lived out. In all five years of living here, I've lived out ONE entire lease. Just one.
I have so much more to say but no motivation to continue typing... I'm going to eat a sandwich, drink some beer, listen to my iPod and zone out for a while before I study.
And I just don't give a damn this time!
I have way too much shit going on in my life to care. I know who's talking the shit anyway and everyone I know who matters to me KNOWS that those people are full of shit.
The only thing that bugs me is everything I always did for these people. I always give all I have to everyone and get stabbed in the back in the end.
Oh well. Fuck 'em.
I'm so insane lately with my apartment hunting and job hunting and school and everything else. I hit a bit of a bad spot this past week.. I was really depressed and stressed and scared and so many other things.. I'm trying to get through it all.. it's just hard. I'm kicked out of my apartment in less than 2 weeks... and I have nowhere to go.
I've been trying so hard to find an apartment.. I can't seem to find any that aren't an hour bus ride away from school or cheaper than like $800.. My dad's freaking out on me via email like every single day now, wanting to know what the hell I'm going to do. And I have to keep telling him "I really don't know.."
I've been trying to keep to myself as much as possible and I think that last night I realized that doing that is not really the way to go. I need my friends and I need to have a good time. I don't have the money for it but I need to go out and do some fun stuff. Winter is just about here and I no longer get to go tanning so I'm sinking into my seasonal depression on top of all the stress I have right now. I'm having such a hard time. Everyone works so much, though. No one has time to forget all their problems and go out with me for a couple of hours. I don't even have that time. But I would make the time!
I need to try and keep some sort of positive attitude though, right?! Stay upbeat! I can't let myself sink into anymore of these holes where I'm just depressed and worried all the time.
Ugh, I wish so often that someone would just take me in their arms and hold me for a while. I want that. I want to cry on someone's shoulder. I need to know that someone is here for me. But I can't. I need to forget about that. I need to not sit down and try to be consoled. All I can do is keep going or I'll never get back up again.
I'd forgotten how hard it is to get back on your own two feet again. I had hoped I wouldn't have to go through this again so soon. But here I am. Another lesson learned, another lease NOT lived out. In all five years of living here, I've lived out ONE entire lease. Just one.
I have so much more to say but no motivation to continue typing... I'm going to eat a sandwich, drink some beer, listen to my iPod and zone out for a while before I study.