Happiness isn't as attainable as many may think
I just wish there was another person who could understand how I am and the way I feel. Sometimes people don't realize that listening is the easiest part, but understanding what you are listening to in most cases requires that you understand what that person is saying, which is why I don't need to waste my time talking to a psychologosits/psychiatrists; I've already done that and refuse to do so again. I'm not comfortable talking to my parents about it right now, I rarely ever see my sister anymore, and talking to Rachel doesn't help because I find myself both defending and explaining almost everything I say which is frustrating.
Pretty much what I need and have needed for awhile is a change of scenery which means that this semester at FSU might be my last. I haven't got it all quite figured out yet but as of now I'm thinking of taking a semester off and transferring to UF in the spring (Key word here is "thinking.") This is something that has crossed my mind a few times before but may now actually happen. I don't see how anyone likes Tallahassee; I've been trying to leave this place since I moved here 9 years ago.
But being here has brought alot of positive things in my life. I have everything any guy could ever dream of: my health, enough money in the bank where I don't have to get a summer job, my own place (other people might live here but hell it's mine), a car, great parents and even greater siblings, a beautiful girlfriend who loves me, and an awesome best friend. Not to mention that I'm at least attractive enough to be considered "doable." So why does happiness seem so far out of reach?
Maybe it is the fact that I have all those things that makes me unhappy, and, for every good fortune, there is some sort of misfortune tagged along with it. Maybe I've just put so much pressure on myself to succeed in everything I do that I heighten my chances for disappointment, which of course might contribute to my unhappiness. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy right now. I've given enough in my life to at least receive some form of happiness in return.
*Sighs*
I just need someone to cuddle with right now. Or at least a hug. I guess.