I am still who I was at 21
"What brought me to this is I have very and utterly been living life in a more vivid sense then I think ever before. lke when I think back on my past I can remeber several memories almost similtaniously, and more then memories I can feel what I felt back then. Its so odd and enlightening. I remember being able to look at myself in the mirror and feel connected to the person I saw back, and like my emotions matched my thought process. I just kind of focused on wat I wanted instead of letting life happen and worse yet I tried to figure out how to get it instead of being myself. Actually there still is some of that left over that I need to get over, but I serious overlook so much so often, it really bothers me. Life is so much more complex and detailed then I let myself see, and I look at the big picture instead of the smaller one far too often."
Jan 2006 - ME. I was 21 years old.
I knew something wise, something worth remembering, something humbling and I have lost it.
"I remember being able to look at myself in the mirror and feel connected to the person I saw back, and like my emotions matched my thought process. I just kind of focused on wat I wanted instead of letting life happen and worse yet I tried to figure out how to get it instead of being myself. Actually there still is some of that left over that I need to get over, but I serious overlook so much so often, it really bothers me. Life is so much more complex and detailed then I let myself see, and I look at the big picture instead of the smaller one far too often."
Everyday now I look to forwarding myself emotionally, spiritually, professionally. I barely remember who I am. I like looking like a teacher, but I do not recognize myself. The only thought process that I remember or use is the traditional, train wreck of emotional anxious planning. Trying to get all my ducks in a row. Trying to micromanage everything. Constantly monitoring to see how I am feeling and if I have made it there yet or not.
I do not know how to not micromanage everything. I do not know how to let go. I do not know how to try to overpower and control life, my emotions, my fears, and my thoughts. When did all this happen, and where did I get off on the wrong 'exit?'
Jan 2006 - ME. I was 21 years old.
I knew something wise, something worth remembering, something humbling and I have lost it.
"I remember being able to look at myself in the mirror and feel connected to the person I saw back, and like my emotions matched my thought process. I just kind of focused on wat I wanted instead of letting life happen and worse yet I tried to figure out how to get it instead of being myself. Actually there still is some of that left over that I need to get over, but I serious overlook so much so often, it really bothers me. Life is so much more complex and detailed then I let myself see, and I look at the big picture instead of the smaller one far too often."
Everyday now I look to forwarding myself emotionally, spiritually, professionally. I barely remember who I am. I like looking like a teacher, but I do not recognize myself. The only thought process that I remember or use is the traditional, train wreck of emotional anxious planning. Trying to get all my ducks in a row. Trying to micromanage everything. Constantly monitoring to see how I am feeling and if I have made it there yet or not.
I do not know how to not micromanage everything. I do not know how to let go. I do not know how to try to overpower and control life, my emotions, my fears, and my thoughts. When did all this happen, and where did I get off on the wrong 'exit?'