The Completely Unreliable Guide to Keating!
I can't believe I actually did this - but I did, so I might as well post it. I don't guarantee all of it is accurate, but it's basically the full lyrics from Keating! (from the web) with notes about the Australian political and cultural references within. Mainly for the benefit of pinglederry *g*. Corrections/additions welcome.
My Right-Hand Man
BOB HAWKE:
Let's go back to 1990; it's not so far away
Where with each misty morning dawns a more exciting day
Peace and love are everywhere, defeating hate and greed
Thatcher is resigning
Germans are uniting
Even that Mandela fella's freed;
There's never been a better time to lead.
Here in 1990, Australia's doing well
No child lives in poverty (as far as we can tell)
[Hawke pledged that “by 1990, no child will live in poverty”. That didn’t turn out too well for him.]
And all I hear across the land's a chorus of content
And positive appraisal
And love for Bob and Hazel
[Hazel: Bob’s wife - they were later divorced.]
Yes, I'm a hit with each constituent
And unemployment's only [cough] percent.
[About 7% and rising…]
It's a comfy bloody country
Comfy and relaxed
Not too bloody up itself
[to be "up yourself": arrogant, self-important]
Or too highly taxed
It's a lovely bloody system
That I try to understand
But I don't really get it
I give much of the credit -
I'm indebted to my right-hand man,
To my right-hand man.
[Hawke was not really this much of an ‘ocker’ - um, uncultured Australian - he was actually a Rhodes scholar at Oxford University, so he was pretty damn smart; he just liked to pretend he was one of the common folk, and deliberately cultivated a very broad Australian accent. Keating was far more genuinely working-class by background.]
My right-hand man's a charmer, the smoothest of the smooth
He's got a nut for every bolt, a tongue for every groove,
A pleasurer as Treasurer, creating harmony
[Keating became Treasurer in 1983, so he was pretty much there the entire time Hawke was in power.]
On the economic levers
And he loves the true believers
[The Labor party are the ‘true believers’.]
He's the linchpin in my winning dynasty:
With him around, there's not much use for me!
[Hee, foreshadowing.]
...Of course, he's quite peculiar, if that's for me to say,
A little un-Australian in his own endearing way
I take him to the footy, and his eyes aren't on the ball!
[Unlike Hawke, who made a big show of being an ordinary bloke, Keating disdained sport for the most part.]
And in his private parlour
He plays the works of Mahler
[Another Keating trait.]
The strangest sounds cascading down the hall:
It doesn't sound like Billy Thorpe at all!
[Lead singer of The Aztecs, a kind of heavy-ish rock band.]
It's a comfy bloody country
'Cos we know what's in our heart
Beer and boots, not wine and suits
Cricket - not art!
[Again referring to Keating‘s noted taste for wine, nice suits, and art.]
It's a lovely bloody system
And I'll lead it while I can
Just a bloke and his mates
But if you wanna talk rates
Just look for the midnight tan
On my right-hand man.
Do It in Style
PAUL KEATING:
Hey, good evening, I'm Paul
Pleased to meet you all
You had some dinner to eat, now you got a good seat
See, there's nothing wrong with being inner-city elite
[Hah.]
I'm the star of the show
You prob'ly already know
But if you're out of the loop,
You'll be in need of the scoop,
So let me recap so that you can recoup.
I grew up on Bankstown bitumen
[Bankstown: a thoroughly working-class suburb of Sydney. Even more so back then.]
Mum and Dad were down in the ditch and then
They had a vision of a bigger picture and
The picture they drew - it came true!
It might have taken a while
But they made quite a pile
And the lesson was learned, penny saved, penny earned,
But you might as well do it in style.
I left school at fifteen
[He did.]
Made the Labor scene
I learned how to survive,
Watched Whitlam thrive
And I made the front bench in '75
[Dramatic music here was because the Dismissal happened in ‘75, so it didn’t do him much good. The Dismissal refers to the removal of the Labor Whitlam government by the Governor-General, the Queen's representative in Australia, due to a complicated series of events. They were summarily replaced by the Liberal Fraser government. If nothing else, it was a forceful reminder that the Queen's role as head of state was more than a token one.]
Opposition was rough
But when we'd suffered enough
With steely looks, we overtook the schnooks
And we shook the crooks out of cooking the books.
I hate the Treasury jiggery-pokery
I keep my money in a piggery locally
[This is true: there was a scandal over his questionable investments in a piggery while serving as Treasurer.]
It's funny but it's okely-dokely
We made an accord - good Lord!
Why be mercantile
If you can't crack a smile?
And if you're bringin' home the hog for the drover's dog,
You might as well do it in style. Boys...
BAND:
You might as well do it in style.
KEATING:
Perhaps you noticed the suit
I think it makes me look cute
A good couturier can have a lot to say
And when you're in a Zegna then you're on your way
[Keating had a thing for Zegna suits. It was widely reported as another example of his elitism.]
I'm on my way to see Bob
[Hawke was PM from 1983-1991.]
He's gonna give me his job
[No, he’s not.]
He showed a lot of nous in Kirribilli House, he made a fealty deal to really douse my grouse.
[Kirribilli House is on the Sydney waterfront, and is where the Prime Minister usually lives. Hawke promised he would one day resign in favour of Keating in return for his loyalty. Obviously, this did not happen.]
I've been a model of loyal bonhomie
It's time to honour the deal he promised me
Because I know he's a man of honesty
I lent him my ears - for two years!
[Et tu, Brute?]
That's why I dress to impress
I'm on the road to success
Hey Bobby J, get outta my way,
I know the answer is...
I know the answer is...
I know the answer is...
BOB HAWKE:
(spoken) Aaaaauugrhhhh...
[Hawke often made these kinds of odd noises while thinking, or in the process of answering question. The ear pulling was also a noted characteristic and suggests lying or deceit.]
I Remember Kirribilli
[That is, Kirribilli House - as mentioned before, home of the PM.]
PAUL KEATING:
Canberra's never lonelier or colder
[However, the capital of Australia, and the seat of Government is actually in Canberra (the Australian Capital Territory).]
Than when you feel the heartbreak of defeat
You'll never find a sympathetic shoulder
On any bureaucratic street
So when I must forgive or be forgiven
When all my best-laid plans have gone astray
I head down to the shores of Burley Griffin
[One of the major ‘attractions’ in Canberra is the man-made Lake Burley-Griffin, named after Walter Burley-Griffin, who who designed the layout of Canberra. It’s not that exciting. There’s a fountain.]
And try to wash the pain away.
In wintertime, the water cuts you chilly
[Man, I hate this lyric.]
Walter dug it oh so deep
[Walter Burley-Griffin]
And I remember Kirribilli
The promise that he did not keep.
He looked me in the eye across the table
He looked at me and swore he'd step aside
I gave him my support and kept him stable
He looked me in the eye and lied
I dreamed that I was Placido Domingo
[Keating once compared himself to Placido Domingo in a speech. It stuck.]
Ready for the spotlight and applause
But maybe I'll end up like Ernie Dingo
And vanish in "The Great Outdoors".
[Ernie Dingo: much respected Aboriginal actor who later turned to hosting a cheesy lifestyle show - The Great Outdoors.]
In wintertime, the water cuts you chilly
And I swear I see a lady with a blade
[You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!]
And I remember Kirribilli
The promise that a friend once made.
I want to rule, I want to lead
I know just what the people need
I thought I had it guaranteed, but then
He threw me down in the stenches
Of the dank back benches
And I never want to go back there again!
Time again for daring and defiance
Time to charge the throne and take the crown
And I won't need no iron-clad alliance
To go for gold and bring Old Silver down...
[Keating reportedly called Hawke ‘old silver’ due to his hair.]
In wintertime, the water cuts you chilly
But it purifies my soul anew
And I remember Kirribilli
And I know now what I have to do,
I know now what I have to do.
It’s Time
PAUL KEATING:
I've made a habit of collecting clocks
Sleek antiques with ticks and tocks
[Ah yes, Keating and his French antique clocks… another elitist hobby.]
Didn't you ever wonder why?
I hear the seconds as a perfect space
Pushed together in relentless pace
The beat of a moment passing by
And every face is like the moon to me
Full of hope and opportunity
Pulled in the orbit of its hands
My tide is high and my chance is nigh
I've got to take it and you know why
Somewhere inside you, there's a man that understands
It's time!
[The classic campaign slogan of the former Whitlam Government: “It’s Time.”]
Time, the revelator, destroyer and creator, no-one gets to wait on time!
Time to start afresh, we know we're only flesh and bone and so it's precious time!
It's time!
The Opposition takes a different tack
They wind it down and they turn it back
They don't like to hear that sound
But time is slipping past them every day
Just like the picture of Dorian Gray
And it's they who come unwound
KEATING and HAWKE:
For evolution needs time to move
Just like a drummer beats time to groove
And it can never stand still
KEATING:
The revolution of a second hand
Is the solution that I must demand
A change is gonna come now, you know it always will...
KEATING and HAWKE:
In time!
KEATING:
Time is of the essence, I know that it's unpleasant but no time like the present time!
Time won't be denied and though you try to hide you know it's on my side...
HAWKE:
It's time!
Time to make a break, it's time for you to take it, whip and out and shake it,
KEATING and HAWKE:
Time!
KEATING:
Time and time again, you might have dug the venue, now you're on the menu, time!
It's time!
[Hawke wasn’t nearly so graceful in real life, iirc. Keating challenged him for the leadership and won, and there was much bad blood between them. Thanks to this move, Keating became PM without actually being elected by the general public.]
Ruler of the Land
PAUL KEATING:
I thought this moment would be nervous
But tonight I'm full of joy
I bless my twenty years of service
As a Blaxland-Bankstown boy
A chance to make the nation richer
An opportunity to see
Well, well, to see
A wider screen, a bigger picture
And you gave that chance to me -
I take it with glee!
'Cos I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
Yes I am.
But, but, but...
I am the ruler of a nation torn
By redneck scorn of the native born
Can we finally have a treaty please?
Apologies to Aborigines?
[Rudd finally managed the ‘sorry’ in 2008. Howard refused.]
Nowadays I'm quite persuaded
A nation takes its share of blame
The white man certainly invaded
The past will always stay the same
Show me something of our future
Smarter, wise, less afraid
[Following through Hawke’s plans for "the clever country".]
Put the mozz on every moocher
Let the nation be remade - I must be obeyed!
'Cos I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
Yes I am.
But, but, but...
I am the servant of a distant queen
Who can overween and intervene
[Still bitter over the Dismissal…]
Can we finally make her obsolete?
Stand complete on our own two feet?
[To this day, the Queen remains our head of state.]
And wouldn't it be nice to get on with your neighbour?
And make it very clear, Australia part of Asia?
[Keating thought Australia needed to turn outward and accept it was in essence part of the Asian region. Whereas Howard clung to the coat-tails of the US.]
And wouldn't it be good just hangin' in the hood,
To lend a cup of sugar like a neighbour should?
And wouldn't it be sweet talking over the fence,
Recalcitrance becoming common sense?
[Reference to Keating offending the Malaysian leader Mathahir by calling him ‘recalcitrant’ for not attending an APEC meeting (I think). Keating later apologized, but Malaysia was mightily pissed for a while there - it was a full-on international incident.]
Let me now address the chamber
Everyone from red to blue
[Red = Labor, Blue = Liberal]
(I'm talkin' to you!)
Yes, I'm at the end of the rainbow
And now I hold a pot of gold for you
Here's the gist of my agenda:
Let's advance Australia fair
[The last line of our national anthem: Advance Australia fair. Same tune, too.]
BAND:
Advance Australia fair!
KEATING:
Oh yeah!
No retreat and no surrender
'Til we get our nation there - I solemnly swear!
'Cos I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
Yes I am.
BAND:
Top banana republic man!
Top banana republic man!
[Keating warned that Australia was in danger of becoming ‘a banana republic’ due to its huge current account deficit.]
KEATING:
Yes, I am.
BAND:
Top banana republic man!
KEATING:
I am the ruler of the land
BAND:
Top banana republic man!
KEATING:
Yes! Yes I am!
BAND:
Top banana republic man!
KEATING:
I am the ruler of the land
BAND:
Top banana republic man!
KEATING:
And they tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
I am!
The Beginning is the End
GARETH EVANS:
[Gareth Evans: Labor Foreign Minister of the time]
Now you've made it to the top
And the Bodgie is dislodged
[Hawke was known as the Silver Bodgie, and there’s kind of a secondary joke because the PM’s residence in Canberra is known as The Lodge.]
Say a prayer for him and look
At the punches that you took
At the bullets that you dodged
As you walk up to the door
As you slowly turn the key
You will walk out on a limb
Where the bell that tolls for him
Is the one that tolls for thee
My friend, the beginning is the end
From the entrance to the bow
Your time starts now
My friend, the beginning is the end
Even now it lurks behind that door...
PAUL KEATING:
Gareth, Gareth, tell me more.
[may be a backhanded reference to Evans' "Gareth Gareth" nickname - at one time he had his eye on the UN Secretary-General's job, held by Boutros Boutros-Ghali. Courtesy secondsilk.]
There's a spirit in the Lodge
Chills the marrow in your bones
And the ghostly voice you hear
It'll fill you full of fear
Even more than Alan Jones
[Right-wing radio talkback host.]
You can hear it every night
Hear it echo in the halls
It's the company you keep
When Annita's fast asleep
[Annita: Keating’s wife. Dutch, originally a stewardess. They are now divorced.]
And from deep inside the walls it calls...
GOUGH WHITLAM
[As mentioned, PM at the time of the Dismissal.]
My friend, the beginning is the end
So you think you know the way
Well may you say
My friend, the beginning is the end
So do not go gentle from that stage...
Maintain your rage!
[Whitlam exhorted his supporters to ‘maintain the rage’ at his early exit.]
WHITLAM AND EVANS:
Maintain your rage!
ALL
Maintain your rage!
Maintain your rage!
Maintain your rage!
On The Floor
JOHN HEWSON:
[Doctor John Hewson was Leader of the Opposition. I actually quite liked him - he was way too nice for politics, and especially not against Keating.]
Doctor who? Doctor Hewson! Sit up straight when I'm talking to you, son - the magical might from the radical right, I'm gonna light up the night with a scheme and a dream so bright so sit right back while we bite back, this is called Fightback - me and my G on the right track - and we don't stop 'till we get our way: GST - OK!
[Liberal’s plan was indeed known as Fightback! - including the exclamation mark - and did involve implementing a goods and services tax along with tax cuts. It was very complicated to explain to the electorate and highly unpopular. This is mainly why - against all odds, because most people hated Keating - the Liberals lost the election.]
BAND:
Hey! Oh! Hey! Oh!
PAUL KEATING:
GST? This is what you call salvation? To whack taxation over the nation? This is the bright new plan you bring? Fifteen percent on everything? I was a stick-up kid for the capital gains, but the feeling wanes when you grow some brains! Poor law, my homies say: GST - no way!
[Keating introduced Capital Gains Tax while Treasurer, making them taxable for the first time. Not popular.]
BAND:
Nay! No! Nay! No!
HEWSON:
We're twenty points up, and we're off the charts! We don't need you and your bleeding hearts! The poor and the sick'll have a trickle to suck, but if you give 'em a hand they just drag you down into the muck! That's why you're born to lose, you get stuck in the shit in your shiny shoes, and that's why you're gonna get blown away - 'cos you can't play like Doctor J! You can't play like Doctor J!
BAND:
You can't play like Doctor J!
HEWSON:
I said, you can't play like Doctor J, no way, Jose!
KEATING:
[Most if not all insults direct from the parliamentary records.]
Oh no! They sent the Doctor to get us! It's like being flogged with warm lettuce and cabbages! The feral abacus! Come to savage us! He must be ravenous, ravenous!
KEATING AND BAND:
Mister Mediocrity for the bunyip aristocracy!
[Bunyip: animal from Aboriginal mythology.]
KEATING:
The member for Wentworth should be in bed, he's like a lizard on a rock, alive but lookin' dead. Old Dozy knows when I've got 'im, he always turns around when I drop one on 'im, it's something he can't psychologically handle, him and his band of constitutional vandals, drones and pansies, frauds and mugs, blackguards, harlots, pigs and thugs, mindless stupid foul-mouthed grubs, you couldn't even raffle a chook in a pub!
[Variant on a classic Australian insult: “he couldn’t run a chook raffle”. Chook = chicken.]
Barnyard bullies, crims and ghouls, dullards, dimwits, ninnies, clowns and fools and born-to-rules, over here we're born to rule you - you dishonest crew, you almost make me spew!
[Spew = vomit.]
Loopy intellectual hobos! Brain-damaged dummies and desperadoes! Hare-brained hillbilly cheats, cheats, cheats! Well, they'll always be
KEATING AND BAND:
Cheats! Cheats! Cheats!
KEATING:
Useless motley corporate crooks and clots! Stunned mullet rustbucket boxheads!
[Stunned mullet - ie looking like a fish that's been clobbered over the head.] Scumbags and alley cats! You wanna fight back? Fight back! Fight back from that!
HEWSON:
Well, alright, you think you've got it made, then let the game be played - why are you so afraid? You've got the cheek to critique and shriek that we're weak - let the people decide! Let the public speak! Make a correction! Call an election! Show us your miraculous resurrection! If the people hate me and you're so great, then why you wanna make me wait?
KEATING:
Because...
I Wanna Do You Slowly
[Footage of Keating actually saying this is in the ABC video.]
PAUL KEATING:
I wanna do you slowly, holy moly
I wanna turn you inside out, upside down and round about
Wrap you up like ravioli, roly poly
I wanna make you mine
All good things take time...
Dear boy, you know I've got your measure
I'll take a while to take my pleasure
I’m gonna steam you like a lentil
I can be so soft and gentle
Boy, I know you want it fast
But I...
KEATING AND JOHN HEWSON:
...wanna make it last, ohh
KEATING:
I wanna do you slowly, holy moly
I wanna turn you inside out, upside down and round about
Roll you round like a canoli, roly poly
Then it'll feel so right
On election night
On election night
On election night...
Sweet
PAUL KEATING:
I've been out there pacing
Bracing for defeat
Ready to be roasted
And I felt that demon heat
But I got lifted
When I thought that I would fall
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all
[Keating described his election win as ‘the sweetest victory of all’ in his victory speech.]
Never felt too comfy
Up there on the top
I felt like Humpty Dumpty
And I was waiting for the drop
But I got lifted
I'm floating high above the wall
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all
I thank my wife and son and daughters
My faithful supporters
You kept my team full of steam
I thank the people of the nation
For their validation
Keep on believing in the dream
You know that I've been wishin'
I had a second shot
Thanks to your decision
That's exactly what I got
And I got lifted
Now I hear my country call
BAND:
We want Paul! We want Paul!
KEATING:
Now this feels like the sweetest victory
Now it seems like y'all wanna stick to me
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all
Arse End of the Earth
[Keating reportedly once referred to Australia during a private conversation as "the arse end of the earth". More outrage *g*]
GARETH EVANS:
Another morning in the PMC
We've got the latest on the CAD [current account deficit]
It's only four percent of GDP [gross domestic product]
But it's causing little tremors at the NAB [National Australia Bank - one of the ‘big four’ banks]
You want your funding for the AME
We'll have to sneak it past the ERC
And the PMO observers of the GNE [Gross National Expenditure?] are nervous
It's another day of service in the ALP. [Australian Labor Party]
PAUL KEATING:
My land is burning with bureaucracy
To scared to contemplate its worth
Inert and dreaming of democracy
Too struck by sun to get things done
At the arse end of the earth.
EVANS:
Another morning in the monarchy
We've got the model from the RAC
About as minimal as it can be
But you might have blown your chances for an OBE [Order of the British Empire]
They're gonna try and pull the train off track
They're lining up to fly the Union Jack [aka the English flag]
And the tyranny of distance and the path of least resistance
And you gave the Queen assistance when you goosed her back.
[Keating put a hand briefly on the Queen’s back during a state visit to guide her, leading to mass outrage from the English press - ‘hands off our Liz!’ etc.]
KEATING:
We have one golden opportunity
To see our brand new flag unfurled
[Yeah, never happened.]
To rise with shining eyes in unity
It's hard to stand with heads in sand
At the arse end of the world
KEATING AND EVANS:
We can move this world
We can chance this place
Shifting inch by inch
At a glacial pace
Take it step by step
Build it brick by brick
Important innovations
And delicate equations
I'm running out of patience, can we make this quick?
Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick!
EVANS:
Another morning in the ACT [Australian Capital Territory - ie Canberra]
Remind Australia that we're young and free [as per our national anthem]
But every channel seems to disagree
With the possible exception of the ABC [Australian Broadcasting Commission, our national broadcaster, like PBS. Traditionally left-wing.]
We're getting hammered by the tabloid press
We must be pissing Rupert off, I guess [Rupert Murdoch, owner of the tabloids/FOX.]
'Cos they're calling us elitist and the polling is defeatist
And we hope that every street is watching SBS! [Special Broadcasting Service: another, much smaller, government national broadcaster specialising in world news in multiple community languages, foreign films, etc. - all that ‘weird foreign stuff’. Watched by English-Second-Language speakers and champagne socialists, all good Labor voters.]
BAND:
Oh yes! Oh yes!
KEATING:
We hear the siren song of destiny
A call to rapturous rebirth
We dare to recognise our history
The future's bright for black and white
At the arse end of the earth
What better place to make your base than the arse end of the earth?
[The last line is sung to the same underlying tune as the last line of the national anthem “in joyful strains then let us sing - advance Australia fair”.]
Freaky
[The outfit is a reference to an infamous picture of Downer dressed in full business attire except that he has one leg up on a table with the trousers rolled up to the knee and displaying fishnet stockings and very high heels. It was for a charity stunt or something but it was very disturbing. He also has a shock of curly hair and permanently red apple cheeks that make him look something of a walking caricature anyway.]
ALEXANDER DOWNER:
Look at me, I'm Alexander D
Opposition Leader - now how'd that come to be?
[We don’t know either.]
No idea, I woke up and I was here
Lookin' like a superstar and feelin' queer.
Old money - and I'm a master of debate
[Downer considers himself a ‘blue-blood’ - he's from Adelaide, which is notable for NOT being settled by convicts *g* - and he’s supposed to be great in parliamentary debates, which is why I suppose he’s done well inside the party. He sucks at PR, though.]
Five minutes - and I might just meet my fate.
'Cos I'm too freaky
I'm a greasy-cheeked freak
A leader of tomorrow, but I won't be 'round next week
'Cos I'm too freaky
BAND:
Too freaky!
DOWNER:
Twisted to the bone
And I'm thinkin' that I'm sinkin' like a stone...
But it's a chance in a million
That led me to this place
It's destiny that you and me
Should square off face to face
PAUL KEATING:
That's lovely, Alexander, and may the best man win.
DOWNER:
Ah, fuck me, I've got Buckley's in the state I'm in - pull the pin!
[You’ve got two chances: Buckley’s and none. Therefore you’ve got Buckley’s = no chance.]
Look at you, you don't know what to do
Never thought a man could be so Liberal through and through
[play on the word ‘liberal’/Liberal, obviously]
Yes I know, they wanna drag me back below
But I've got the things that batter!
BAND:
MATTER!
DOWNER:
Bugger - there I go!
[Downer once made a tasteless joke about a domestic violence bill, referring to it as ‘the things that batter’. It caused outrage and has never been forgotten.]
Way looney - I’m like Screamin' Lord Sutch
[I believe Screamin’ Lord Sutch was the founder of the Raving Loony Party in England. Something like that.]
They'll screw me - I'm just much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much too freaky!
I'm a greasy-cheeked freak
A leader of tomorrow, but I won't be 'round next week
'Cos I'm too freaky
BAND:
Too freaky!
DOWNER:
Utterly defiled
C'mon, Australia, let's get wild, wild, wild
I'm too freaky...
Heavens, Mr Evans
[I find this song pretty boring, but here it is anyway.]
GARETH EVANS:
It's always the same
Whenever she walks by
My face is aflame
And my mouth goes dry
My pulse is racing
And my heart goes pit-a-pat
And I yearn for Cheryl Kernot, Democrat...
[Basically, Evans had an affair with Cheryl Kernot, the leader of the Democrats - a leftist party.]
CHERYL KERNOT:
Ever since I was young
Just a little girl
I've been waitin' for someone
To show me the world
Well, he's done everything
And he's been everywhere
He's Gareth Evans, my foreign affair...
[Remembering Evans was Minister for Foreign Affairs, haha.]
EVANS:
My heart's in peril, Cheryl, surely I will fall
KERNOT:
Heavens, Mister Evans, how I tremble when you call
EVANS AND KERNOT:
But we owe it to our parties
To try and break that spell...
KERNOT:
And also, aren't you married?
EVANS:
Yes, I am. That as well.
You get under my skin
Like no woman before
By the beard on my chin
I swear I want more
You're an innocent soul
Idealistic and free
Baby won't you give your pref'rence to me?
[When a party has insufficient votes to gain a seat, that candidate’s votes are redistributed according to voter ‘preferences’, so it comes down to two parties at the end.]
KERNOT:
So seductive and strong
You're a party machine
Though I know that it's wrong
I'm a little too green
[Play on words. The Green Party - ‘greenies’ - are even more left-wing.]
EVANS:
Such a lady of light
KERNOT
Such a powerful brute
EVANS AND KERNOT:
Such a thrill to nibble on forbidden fruit...
EVANS:
My heart's in peril, Cheryl, lovin' you so much
KERNOT:
Heavens, Mister Evans, how I tingle at your touch
EVANS AND KERNOT:
Equally enamoured, but differently aligned...
EVANS:
And also, aren't you married?
KERNOT:
Yes, I am.
EVANS:
As am I.
EVANS AND KERNOT:
Never mind!
Redfern
[This song is difficult to explain. Redfern is a suburb very close to the centre of Sydney that has/had a very high Aboriginal population, and was also at one time a very dangerous area - drinking, drugs, riots, carjacking etc. I mean, I’ve walked through there a few times with no problems - it’s not that bad - but you’d want to be aware. Gradually the Aboriginal population are moving out/being forced out due to gentrification which is kind of sad in itself.]
PAUL KEATING:
And now
We're living in a great creative nation
Yet we wait somehow
The battle for the country can't be won
Until we understand
How well we know our land
How much we hide our shame
Or dare to speak its name.
BAND:
Redfern...
KEATING:
And here
We wander though the midst of this
And wish that it would disappear
As if it's only locally created
Insulated pain
A shadow and a stain
A hurt we can't reveal
A cut too deep to heal.
BAND:
Redfern...
KEATING:
But oh, I know we can succeed
We can't afford to fail
And justice must prevail
And oh, I'm sure it will indeed
With everything we share
We know it's only fair.
To begin
I think we oughta show contrition, recognition of our sin
And wonder how we had the gall
To think that it was all OK
And never thought to say
"How angry would I be if this were done to me?"
[Referring, of course, to the arrival of Europeans claiming the land for their own.]
BAND:
Redfern...
KEATING:
But oh, I know we can succeed
We can't afford to fail
And justice must prevail
And oh, I'm sure it will indeed
With everything we share
We know it's only fair... Oh yeah!
Ma(m)bo
[Also complicated - Eddie Mabo basically claimed ownership of Crown land, challenging government possession on the grounds that it had always belonged to his tribe, long before any Europeans arrived. The High Court finally agreed, overturning the concept of ‘terra nullius’ - ie the assumption that Australia was empty when ‘discovered’. This opened the door to other ‘native title’ claims.]
PAUL KEATING:
There's a tale I heard
Of an island man
Tough and undeterred, he said "Haven't you heard?
This land - our land!"
"We belong"
That's what the High Court said
So when you sing this song, you gotta sing it for Ed.
For Eddie.
Ready?
BAND:
Ready!
Mabo!
Mabo!
Mabo!
KEATING:
What's that name?
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
For the Meriam people
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
It was very unequal
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
Was it totally legal? Oh no!
Watch me now!
[SAXOPHONE SOLO]
BAND:
Mabo!
Mabo!
Mabo!
KEATING:
Here comes another one!
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
Native title
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
It's alive and vital
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
Speak the truth and make it so!
And if we follow this philosophy
Demand a land beyond compare
Then girt by faith and generosity
We'll all combine to redefine a beauty rich and rare
In joyful strains then let us sing...
[More wordplay on the Australian national anthem. “Our land is girt by sea/Our land abounds in nature’s gifts/Of beauty rich and rare/In history’s page/Let every stage/Advance Australia fair!/In joyful strains then let us sing/Advance Australia fair!"]
ALL:
Advance Australia...
[… and then Howard came along…]
Power
JOHN HOWARD:
I was an angel in the beginning
I thought of playing but not of winning
So frail and weak, so meek and mild,
I was the world's most agreeable child
I had my share of schoolyard beatings
I made my fair and frightened bleatings
But I began to understand
What they held in their bullying hands...
I want power! I want power!
I want to smell my own ambition in flower!
I want a sense of domination and control!
I want to bat! I want to bowl!
I want power! I want power!
The kind where servant girls bring tributes by the hour!
And I won't rest until I rule the school!
Then I'll be hip, then I'll be cool.
[I don’t think any of this is actually true...]
BAND:
You'll be empowered, John Winston Howard
HOWARD:
Not a single soul alive to call me coward!
BAND:
You'll be the big, big cheese
HOWARD:
I won't say sorry! I won't say please!
[And he never did say ‘sorry’ - to the Aboriginal people.]
BAND:
You'll be empowered, John Winston Howard
HOWARD:
They'll pay for every time I scraped and bowed and cowered
I'll do what must be done
To make John Howard number one!
BAND:
Number one!
HOWARD:
At university, I took my hisses
My slings and brickbats, my hits and misses
But ev'ry moment mocked and cursed
Increased my hunger, increased my thirst
And so the party fed my ambition
They let me lead the Opposition
They let me lead then tore me down
But that won't happen this time around...
[This is true; Howard was leader of the Opposition for a long time, against Hawke, but could never get elected. Finally he came back for a last shot and did it.]
I want power! I want power!
Not just to sit in Opposition and glower!
I want to turn this mother loose!
Show me the money! Give me the juice!
I want power! I want power!
I'll give Australia a gorgeous golden shower!
[Euwww.]
And I won't rest until I rule!
Then I'll be cruel, then I'll be cool.
BAND:
You'll be empowered, John Winston Howard
HOWARD:
I'll show that Keating joker how his grapes have soured!
BAND:
You'll be the man in charge
HOWARD:
I'll go ballistic! I'm livin' large!
BAND:
You'll be empowered, John Winston Howard
HOWARD:
With a biography by Pru and David Goward
[Pru Goward and David Barnett, but they were married, I guess.]
And when it comes to be,
I'll make the bastards bow to me!
And when it comes to be...
BOW TO ME.
The Mateship
[This song is screamingly accurate, but you probably needed to be there. ‘Mateship’ is considered one of the great Australian virtues, and Howard really used this whole concept of getting back to focusing on Australia (only), lots of patriotism, nuclear family stuff.]
HOWARD:
Hang on a tic, just let me talk
'Cos you can tell by the way I use my walk
I'm just a bloke, a normal bloke, and nothin' more
I've got my home, I've got my health
I've got my lovely wife and kids,
I've got no tickets on myself
[Tickets on yourself = arrogant.]
I'm just a bloke, an Aussie bloke, to the core.
So you know that I'd be grateful to the nation at large
If you thought it was appropriate to put me in charge.
HOWARD AND BAND:
Of the Mateship - anchors aweigh!
HOWARD:
We've decided you're invited to stay!
HOWARD AND BAND:
On the Mateship - welcome aboard!
HOWARD:
We could find a better kind of accord, uh-huh-huh.
[Like WorkChoices, in which the employer owns your soul.]
Well I can jibe, and I can tack
So let the skipper take the chipper to Gallipoli and back
I'll be a bloke, an Aussie bloke, with Digger pride
[Gallipoli = scene of Australian war defeat, still much revered. Digger = Australian soldier.]
We wouldn't mix with other crews
[Like those weird scary immigrants…]
We won't consult with any cult promoting multiple views
We'll just be blokes. Dinkum blokes. Bona fide.
And I'd look to the community defending the land
[All in line with the Fortress Australia concept.]
If you took the opportunity to give me command.
HOWARD AND BAND:
Of the Mateship - hoisting the sail!
HOWARD:
Never throw a baby over the rail!
[Ha. After Howard came to power there was a huge scandal when he claimed that asylum seekers had thrown their children overboard to ‘force’ the Australian boats to rescue them. That is, those refugees were so heartless/desperate that they would deliberately jeopardise their children to gain passage into Australia. Later, it transpired that no such thing had happened.]
HOWARD AND BAND:
On the Mateship - flying the flag!
HOWARD:
You'll be clamouring to carry a swag, uh-huh-huh.
[Swag - stockman’s "tent in a bag" - again bringing up ‘traditional Australia’.]
HOWARD AND BAND:
Mates would die for a mate
Mates are worth their weight in gold
Mates can rely on a mate
HOWARD:
So I'm told...
[As in… he doesn’t actually have any.]
Now I'm a man, I'm not a boy
When they say "Aussie Aussie Aussie" I say "oy oy oy!"
[Australian sport chant: Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi! - yes, really.]
Like any bloke, a rugged bloke, pretty tough
It's catching on, it's all the rage
Why even now I look around and see no women on the stage
Only blokes - Aussie blokes!
[Howard promoted ‘family-friendly’ policies - ie women should have babies and stay home.]
BAND MEMBER:
(spoken) Hey - I'm a Kiwi!
[Kiwi = New Zealander. If Australia were the US, New Zealand would be Canada.]
HOWARD:
Close enough.
You could dwell upon tomorrow and the sorrow you feel
Or set a course for yesterday and give me the wheel.
HOWARD AND BAND:
Of the Mateship - rounding the buoy!
HOWARD:
No political correctness ahoy!
HOWARD AND BAND:
On the Mateship, anchors aweigh!
HOWARD:
We'll decide if you're invited to stay
[Howard made a great deal about “we‘ll decide who comes into this country”, etc.]
On the Mateship...
Choose Me
PAUL KEATING:
Since we've been together, baby, what a ride we've had
A rollercoaster J-curve through the good times and the bad
[The J-curve is infamous - if you put a J on its side it goes down and then up. Around 1991 we got ‘the recession we had to have’ and Keating defended it with much talk of ‘the J-curve’, meaning things would get worse before they got better.]
And maybe you got the blues
But if you have to choose
Then choose me.
JOHN HOWARD:
You gave him your devotion and he treated you so cruel
You took him to the top and now he takes you for a fool
Who don't you break it up?
It's time to shake it up
And choose me.
Dislocation, deprivation, well it's more than you should stand
KEATING:
Working Nation transformation needs a sure and steady hand
[Under Keating the Working Nation policy aimed to increase employment, and help to drag the country out of recession.]
We'll be smarter, it gets harder, but we've got to push on through
HOWARD:
You don't need it! Why believe it? What's your country done for you?
I'll pick you pretty flowers, babe, and bring 'em to your door
KEATING:
Am I the only one to whom that promise sounds non-core?
HOWARD:
No, I always tell the truth
KEATING:
I think we need a little proof
KEATING AND HOWARD:
So choose me.
KEATING:
We had trouble, burst our bubble, but recovery is here
HOWARD:
I don't trust it, he'll just bust it, gonna prick your brick veneer
KEATING:
Honest Johnny, later on, we gonna see a GST?
HOWARD:
No I swear it, I declare it, that will never ever be!
[Hee - and of course, there was. Now we have a GST.]
KEATING:
So tell me truly, baby, is it him or is it me?
HOWARD:
Take a lolly, baby, think it over carefully
[Lolly = candy. Very Howard - distract with policy sweeteners.]
KEATING AND HOWARD
'Cos now it's up to you
Whatever you want to do...
But choose me.
Light on the Hill
[A phrase from a Chifley speech, being the ideal for the Labor party - to be “the light on the hill” for the masses.]
PAUL KEATING:
They're counting up the votes across Australia
And counting down the seconds of my years
I've seen quite a few elections
I know how to read projections
I can recognise a change when it appears
The people make the ultimate decision
The system says they always get it right
So though it seems like half an hour
Since I stumbled into power
Now it's time for me to say goodnight.
But still I dream
Of a country rich and clever
With compassion and endeavour
Reaching out towards forever, and I'm still
Dreaming of the light on the hill.
You start off in your local council chamber
You fight and dream until you reach your prime
And if you should succeed
By the time you get to lead
You're pretty much exhausted from the climb
You only get a moment in the penthouse
Before you find you're standing on the sill
And if you're sunk in ham and gammon
When it turns from feast to famine
Then you're lucky if you've had your fill.
But still I dream
Heads are high and hearts are heady
Eyes are bright and clear and steady
Full of promise that we're ready to fulfill
I'm dreaming of the light on the hill.
They're counting up the votes across Australia
This time it seems the verdict is severe
Swan, McEwen, Fadden, Dickson,
Bass and Paterson and Kingston
But it's Oxley with the message, loud and clear:
[All pivotal seats lost by the ALP - but Oxley is infamous in being Pauline Hanson’s seat. The future leader of the right-wing anti-immigration One Nation Party.]
"Bring us back our comfy bloody country
Take us back to simple days of yore
Nothing alien or scary,
La-de-da or airy-fairy
Just put it back the way it was before."
But still I dream
That the stars will be aligning
As our fates are intertwining
Until every heart is shining with goodwill
Shining like the light on the hill,
Shining like the light on the hill.
Historical Revisionism
[ie Wishful Thinking *g*]
SCRUTINEER:
The '96 election is still hanging by a thread
The last of the electorates will bring it to a head
One tiny booth in Surry Hills has not returned its choice
[The line changes according to venue. “Surry Hills” for when it was on at the Belvoir. At the Seymour Centre it was “Cleveland Street”.]
Is it Keating? Is it Howard? Let your verdict find its voice...
BAND:
Keating, Keating, Keating...
SCRUTINEER:
The same name just keeps repeating
BAND:
Keating, Keating, Keating...
KEATING:
I can feel my heart start beating
BAND:
Keating, Keating, Keating...
HOWARD:
No way! That's wrong! That's cheating!
BAND:
Keating, Keating, Keating, KEATING, KEATING, KEATING, KEATING!
KEATING:
I thought no victory could be sweeter
I thought no day could dawn so bright
I thank my lovely wife, Annita
She's been out the back all night
Don't need no glorious procession
Don't need no streamers to be tossed
Just wanna hear this man's concession...
HOWARD:
Well, I'm sorry...
That I lost!
[More harping on Howard’s inability to say ‘sorry’ to the Aboriginal people.]
KEATING:
And I am the boss!
'Cos I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
Yes I am.
I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
I am,
I am,
I am!
ALL:
KEATING!
My Right-Hand Man
BOB HAWKE:
Let's go back to 1990; it's not so far away
Where with each misty morning dawns a more exciting day
Peace and love are everywhere, defeating hate and greed
Thatcher is resigning
Germans are uniting
Even that Mandela fella's freed;
There's never been a better time to lead.
Here in 1990, Australia's doing well
No child lives in poverty (as far as we can tell)
[Hawke pledged that “by 1990, no child will live in poverty”. That didn’t turn out too well for him.]
And all I hear across the land's a chorus of content
And positive appraisal
And love for Bob and Hazel
[Hazel: Bob’s wife - they were later divorced.]
Yes, I'm a hit with each constituent
And unemployment's only [cough] percent.
[About 7% and rising…]
It's a comfy bloody country
Comfy and relaxed
Not too bloody up itself
[to be "up yourself": arrogant, self-important]
Or too highly taxed
It's a lovely bloody system
That I try to understand
But I don't really get it
I give much of the credit -
I'm indebted to my right-hand man,
To my right-hand man.
[Hawke was not really this much of an ‘ocker’ - um, uncultured Australian - he was actually a Rhodes scholar at Oxford University, so he was pretty damn smart; he just liked to pretend he was one of the common folk, and deliberately cultivated a very broad Australian accent. Keating was far more genuinely working-class by background.]
My right-hand man's a charmer, the smoothest of the smooth
He's got a nut for every bolt, a tongue for every groove,
A pleasurer as Treasurer, creating harmony
[Keating became Treasurer in 1983, so he was pretty much there the entire time Hawke was in power.]
On the economic levers
And he loves the true believers
[The Labor party are the ‘true believers’.]
He's the linchpin in my winning dynasty:
With him around, there's not much use for me!
[Hee, foreshadowing.]
...Of course, he's quite peculiar, if that's for me to say,
A little un-Australian in his own endearing way
I take him to the footy, and his eyes aren't on the ball!
[Unlike Hawke, who made a big show of being an ordinary bloke, Keating disdained sport for the most part.]
And in his private parlour
He plays the works of Mahler
[Another Keating trait.]
The strangest sounds cascading down the hall:
It doesn't sound like Billy Thorpe at all!
[Lead singer of The Aztecs, a kind of heavy-ish rock band.]
It's a comfy bloody country
'Cos we know what's in our heart
Beer and boots, not wine and suits
Cricket - not art!
[Again referring to Keating‘s noted taste for wine, nice suits, and art.]
It's a lovely bloody system
And I'll lead it while I can
Just a bloke and his mates
But if you wanna talk rates
Just look for the midnight tan
On my right-hand man.
Do It in Style
PAUL KEATING:
Hey, good evening, I'm Paul
Pleased to meet you all
You had some dinner to eat, now you got a good seat
See, there's nothing wrong with being inner-city elite
[Hah.]
I'm the star of the show
You prob'ly already know
But if you're out of the loop,
You'll be in need of the scoop,
So let me recap so that you can recoup.
I grew up on Bankstown bitumen
[Bankstown: a thoroughly working-class suburb of Sydney. Even more so back then.]
Mum and Dad were down in the ditch and then
They had a vision of a bigger picture and
The picture they drew - it came true!
It might have taken a while
But they made quite a pile
And the lesson was learned, penny saved, penny earned,
But you might as well do it in style.
I left school at fifteen
[He did.]
Made the Labor scene
I learned how to survive,
Watched Whitlam thrive
And I made the front bench in '75
[Dramatic music here was because the Dismissal happened in ‘75, so it didn’t do him much good. The Dismissal refers to the removal of the Labor Whitlam government by the Governor-General, the Queen's representative in Australia, due to a complicated series of events. They were summarily replaced by the Liberal Fraser government. If nothing else, it was a forceful reminder that the Queen's role as head of state was more than a token one.]
Opposition was rough
But when we'd suffered enough
With steely looks, we overtook the schnooks
And we shook the crooks out of cooking the books.
I hate the Treasury jiggery-pokery
I keep my money in a piggery locally
[This is true: there was a scandal over his questionable investments in a piggery while serving as Treasurer.]
It's funny but it's okely-dokely
We made an accord - good Lord!
Why be mercantile
If you can't crack a smile?
And if you're bringin' home the hog for the drover's dog,
You might as well do it in style. Boys...
BAND:
You might as well do it in style.
KEATING:
Perhaps you noticed the suit
I think it makes me look cute
A good couturier can have a lot to say
And when you're in a Zegna then you're on your way
[Keating had a thing for Zegna suits. It was widely reported as another example of his elitism.]
I'm on my way to see Bob
[Hawke was PM from 1983-1991.]
He's gonna give me his job
[No, he’s not.]
He showed a lot of nous in Kirribilli House, he made a fealty deal to really douse my grouse.
[Kirribilli House is on the Sydney waterfront, and is where the Prime Minister usually lives. Hawke promised he would one day resign in favour of Keating in return for his loyalty. Obviously, this did not happen.]
I've been a model of loyal bonhomie
It's time to honour the deal he promised me
Because I know he's a man of honesty
I lent him my ears - for two years!
[Et tu, Brute?]
That's why I dress to impress
I'm on the road to success
Hey Bobby J, get outta my way,
I know the answer is...
I know the answer is...
I know the answer is...
BOB HAWKE:
(spoken) Aaaaauugrhhhh...
[Hawke often made these kinds of odd noises while thinking, or in the process of answering question. The ear pulling was also a noted characteristic and suggests lying or deceit.]
I Remember Kirribilli
[That is, Kirribilli House - as mentioned before, home of the PM.]
PAUL KEATING:
Canberra's never lonelier or colder
[However, the capital of Australia, and the seat of Government is actually in Canberra (the Australian Capital Territory).]
Than when you feel the heartbreak of defeat
You'll never find a sympathetic shoulder
On any bureaucratic street
So when I must forgive or be forgiven
When all my best-laid plans have gone astray
I head down to the shores of Burley Griffin
[One of the major ‘attractions’ in Canberra is the man-made Lake Burley-Griffin, named after Walter Burley-Griffin, who who designed the layout of Canberra. It’s not that exciting. There’s a fountain.]
And try to wash the pain away.
In wintertime, the water cuts you chilly
[Man, I hate this lyric.]
Walter dug it oh so deep
[Walter Burley-Griffin]
And I remember Kirribilli
The promise that he did not keep.
He looked me in the eye across the table
He looked at me and swore he'd step aside
I gave him my support and kept him stable
He looked me in the eye and lied
I dreamed that I was Placido Domingo
[Keating once compared himself to Placido Domingo in a speech. It stuck.]
Ready for the spotlight and applause
But maybe I'll end up like Ernie Dingo
And vanish in "The Great Outdoors".
[Ernie Dingo: much respected Aboriginal actor who later turned to hosting a cheesy lifestyle show - The Great Outdoors.]
In wintertime, the water cuts you chilly
And I swear I see a lady with a blade
[You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!]
And I remember Kirribilli
The promise that a friend once made.
I want to rule, I want to lead
I know just what the people need
I thought I had it guaranteed, but then
He threw me down in the stenches
Of the dank back benches
And I never want to go back there again!
Time again for daring and defiance
Time to charge the throne and take the crown
And I won't need no iron-clad alliance
To go for gold and bring Old Silver down...
[Keating reportedly called Hawke ‘old silver’ due to his hair.]
In wintertime, the water cuts you chilly
But it purifies my soul anew
And I remember Kirribilli
And I know now what I have to do,
I know now what I have to do.
It’s Time
PAUL KEATING:
I've made a habit of collecting clocks
Sleek antiques with ticks and tocks
[Ah yes, Keating and his French antique clocks… another elitist hobby.]
Didn't you ever wonder why?
I hear the seconds as a perfect space
Pushed together in relentless pace
The beat of a moment passing by
And every face is like the moon to me
Full of hope and opportunity
Pulled in the orbit of its hands
My tide is high and my chance is nigh
I've got to take it and you know why
Somewhere inside you, there's a man that understands
It's time!
[The classic campaign slogan of the former Whitlam Government: “It’s Time.”]
Time, the revelator, destroyer and creator, no-one gets to wait on time!
Time to start afresh, we know we're only flesh and bone and so it's precious time!
It's time!
The Opposition takes a different tack
They wind it down and they turn it back
They don't like to hear that sound
But time is slipping past them every day
Just like the picture of Dorian Gray
And it's they who come unwound
KEATING and HAWKE:
For evolution needs time to move
Just like a drummer beats time to groove
And it can never stand still
KEATING:
The revolution of a second hand
Is the solution that I must demand
A change is gonna come now, you know it always will...
KEATING and HAWKE:
In time!
KEATING:
Time is of the essence, I know that it's unpleasant but no time like the present time!
Time won't be denied and though you try to hide you know it's on my side...
HAWKE:
It's time!
Time to make a break, it's time for you to take it, whip and out and shake it,
KEATING and HAWKE:
Time!
KEATING:
Time and time again, you might have dug the venue, now you're on the menu, time!
It's time!
[Hawke wasn’t nearly so graceful in real life, iirc. Keating challenged him for the leadership and won, and there was much bad blood between them. Thanks to this move, Keating became PM without actually being elected by the general public.]
Ruler of the Land
PAUL KEATING:
I thought this moment would be nervous
But tonight I'm full of joy
I bless my twenty years of service
As a Blaxland-Bankstown boy
A chance to make the nation richer
An opportunity to see
Well, well, to see
A wider screen, a bigger picture
And you gave that chance to me -
I take it with glee!
'Cos I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
Yes I am.
But, but, but...
I am the ruler of a nation torn
By redneck scorn of the native born
Can we finally have a treaty please?
Apologies to Aborigines?
[Rudd finally managed the ‘sorry’ in 2008. Howard refused.]
Nowadays I'm quite persuaded
A nation takes its share of blame
The white man certainly invaded
The past will always stay the same
Show me something of our future
Smarter, wise, less afraid
[Following through Hawke’s plans for "the clever country".]
Put the mozz on every moocher
Let the nation be remade - I must be obeyed!
'Cos I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
Yes I am.
But, but, but...
I am the servant of a distant queen
Who can overween and intervene
[Still bitter over the Dismissal…]
Can we finally make her obsolete?
Stand complete on our own two feet?
[To this day, the Queen remains our head of state.]
And wouldn't it be nice to get on with your neighbour?
And make it very clear, Australia part of Asia?
[Keating thought Australia needed to turn outward and accept it was in essence part of the Asian region. Whereas Howard clung to the coat-tails of the US.]
And wouldn't it be good just hangin' in the hood,
To lend a cup of sugar like a neighbour should?
And wouldn't it be sweet talking over the fence,
Recalcitrance becoming common sense?
[Reference to Keating offending the Malaysian leader Mathahir by calling him ‘recalcitrant’ for not attending an APEC meeting (I think). Keating later apologized, but Malaysia was mightily pissed for a while there - it was a full-on international incident.]
Let me now address the chamber
Everyone from red to blue
[Red = Labor, Blue = Liberal]
(I'm talkin' to you!)
Yes, I'm at the end of the rainbow
And now I hold a pot of gold for you
Here's the gist of my agenda:
Let's advance Australia fair
[The last line of our national anthem: Advance Australia fair. Same tune, too.]
BAND:
Advance Australia fair!
KEATING:
Oh yeah!
No retreat and no surrender
'Til we get our nation there - I solemnly swear!
'Cos I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
Yes I am.
BAND:
Top banana republic man!
Top banana republic man!
[Keating warned that Australia was in danger of becoming ‘a banana republic’ due to its huge current account deficit.]
KEATING:
Yes, I am.
BAND:
Top banana republic man!
KEATING:
I am the ruler of the land
BAND:
Top banana republic man!
KEATING:
Yes! Yes I am!
BAND:
Top banana republic man!
KEATING:
I am the ruler of the land
BAND:
Top banana republic man!
KEATING:
And they tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
I am!
The Beginning is the End
GARETH EVANS:
[Gareth Evans: Labor Foreign Minister of the time]
Now you've made it to the top
And the Bodgie is dislodged
[Hawke was known as the Silver Bodgie, and there’s kind of a secondary joke because the PM’s residence in Canberra is known as The Lodge.]
Say a prayer for him and look
At the punches that you took
At the bullets that you dodged
As you walk up to the door
As you slowly turn the key
You will walk out on a limb
Where the bell that tolls for him
Is the one that tolls for thee
My friend, the beginning is the end
From the entrance to the bow
Your time starts now
My friend, the beginning is the end
Even now it lurks behind that door...
PAUL KEATING:
Gareth, Gareth, tell me more.
[may be a backhanded reference to Evans' "Gareth Gareth" nickname - at one time he had his eye on the UN Secretary-General's job, held by Boutros Boutros-Ghali. Courtesy secondsilk.]
There's a spirit in the Lodge
Chills the marrow in your bones
And the ghostly voice you hear
It'll fill you full of fear
Even more than Alan Jones
[Right-wing radio talkback host.]
You can hear it every night
Hear it echo in the halls
It's the company you keep
When Annita's fast asleep
[Annita: Keating’s wife. Dutch, originally a stewardess. They are now divorced.]
And from deep inside the walls it calls...
GOUGH WHITLAM
[As mentioned, PM at the time of the Dismissal.]
My friend, the beginning is the end
So you think you know the way
Well may you say
My friend, the beginning is the end
So do not go gentle from that stage...
Maintain your rage!
[Whitlam exhorted his supporters to ‘maintain the rage’ at his early exit.]
WHITLAM AND EVANS:
Maintain your rage!
ALL
Maintain your rage!
Maintain your rage!
Maintain your rage!
On The Floor
JOHN HEWSON:
[Doctor John Hewson was Leader of the Opposition. I actually quite liked him - he was way too nice for politics, and especially not against Keating.]
Doctor who? Doctor Hewson! Sit up straight when I'm talking to you, son - the magical might from the radical right, I'm gonna light up the night with a scheme and a dream so bright so sit right back while we bite back, this is called Fightback - me and my G on the right track - and we don't stop 'till we get our way: GST - OK!
[Liberal’s plan was indeed known as Fightback! - including the exclamation mark - and did involve implementing a goods and services tax along with tax cuts. It was very complicated to explain to the electorate and highly unpopular. This is mainly why - against all odds, because most people hated Keating - the Liberals lost the election.]
BAND:
Hey! Oh! Hey! Oh!
PAUL KEATING:
GST? This is what you call salvation? To whack taxation over the nation? This is the bright new plan you bring? Fifteen percent on everything? I was a stick-up kid for the capital gains, but the feeling wanes when you grow some brains! Poor law, my homies say: GST - no way!
[Keating introduced Capital Gains Tax while Treasurer, making them taxable for the first time. Not popular.]
BAND:
Nay! No! Nay! No!
HEWSON:
We're twenty points up, and we're off the charts! We don't need you and your bleeding hearts! The poor and the sick'll have a trickle to suck, but if you give 'em a hand they just drag you down into the muck! That's why you're born to lose, you get stuck in the shit in your shiny shoes, and that's why you're gonna get blown away - 'cos you can't play like Doctor J! You can't play like Doctor J!
BAND:
You can't play like Doctor J!
HEWSON:
I said, you can't play like Doctor J, no way, Jose!
KEATING:
[Most if not all insults direct from the parliamentary records.]
Oh no! They sent the Doctor to get us! It's like being flogged with warm lettuce and cabbages! The feral abacus! Come to savage us! He must be ravenous, ravenous!
KEATING AND BAND:
Mister Mediocrity for the bunyip aristocracy!
[Bunyip: animal from Aboriginal mythology.]
KEATING:
The member for Wentworth should be in bed, he's like a lizard on a rock, alive but lookin' dead. Old Dozy knows when I've got 'im, he always turns around when I drop one on 'im, it's something he can't psychologically handle, him and his band of constitutional vandals, drones and pansies, frauds and mugs, blackguards, harlots, pigs and thugs, mindless stupid foul-mouthed grubs, you couldn't even raffle a chook in a pub!
[Variant on a classic Australian insult: “he couldn’t run a chook raffle”. Chook = chicken.]
Barnyard bullies, crims and ghouls, dullards, dimwits, ninnies, clowns and fools and born-to-rules, over here we're born to rule you - you dishonest crew, you almost make me spew!
[Spew = vomit.]
Loopy intellectual hobos! Brain-damaged dummies and desperadoes! Hare-brained hillbilly cheats, cheats, cheats! Well, they'll always be
KEATING AND BAND:
Cheats! Cheats! Cheats!
KEATING:
Useless motley corporate crooks and clots! Stunned mullet rustbucket boxheads!
[Stunned mullet - ie looking like a fish that's been clobbered over the head.] Scumbags and alley cats! You wanna fight back? Fight back! Fight back from that!
HEWSON:
Well, alright, you think you've got it made, then let the game be played - why are you so afraid? You've got the cheek to critique and shriek that we're weak - let the people decide! Let the public speak! Make a correction! Call an election! Show us your miraculous resurrection! If the people hate me and you're so great, then why you wanna make me wait?
KEATING:
Because...
I Wanna Do You Slowly
[Footage of Keating actually saying this is in the ABC video.]
PAUL KEATING:
I wanna do you slowly, holy moly
I wanna turn you inside out, upside down and round about
Wrap you up like ravioli, roly poly
I wanna make you mine
All good things take time...
Dear boy, you know I've got your measure
I'll take a while to take my pleasure
I’m gonna steam you like a lentil
I can be so soft and gentle
Boy, I know you want it fast
But I...
KEATING AND JOHN HEWSON:
...wanna make it last, ohh
KEATING:
I wanna do you slowly, holy moly
I wanna turn you inside out, upside down and round about
Roll you round like a canoli, roly poly
Then it'll feel so right
On election night
On election night
On election night...
Sweet
PAUL KEATING:
I've been out there pacing
Bracing for defeat
Ready to be roasted
And I felt that demon heat
But I got lifted
When I thought that I would fall
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all
[Keating described his election win as ‘the sweetest victory of all’ in his victory speech.]
Never felt too comfy
Up there on the top
I felt like Humpty Dumpty
And I was waiting for the drop
But I got lifted
I'm floating high above the wall
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all
I thank my wife and son and daughters
My faithful supporters
You kept my team full of steam
I thank the people of the nation
For their validation
Keep on believing in the dream
You know that I've been wishin'
I had a second shot
Thanks to your decision
That's exactly what I got
And I got lifted
Now I hear my country call
BAND:
We want Paul! We want Paul!
KEATING:
Now this feels like the sweetest victory
Now it seems like y'all wanna stick to me
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all
Arse End of the Earth
[Keating reportedly once referred to Australia during a private conversation as "the arse end of the earth". More outrage *g*]
GARETH EVANS:
Another morning in the PMC
We've got the latest on the CAD [current account deficit]
It's only four percent of GDP [gross domestic product]
But it's causing little tremors at the NAB [National Australia Bank - one of the ‘big four’ banks]
You want your funding for the AME
We'll have to sneak it past the ERC
And the PMO observers of the GNE [Gross National Expenditure?] are nervous
It's another day of service in the ALP. [Australian Labor Party]
PAUL KEATING:
My land is burning with bureaucracy
To scared to contemplate its worth
Inert and dreaming of democracy
Too struck by sun to get things done
At the arse end of the earth.
EVANS:
Another morning in the monarchy
We've got the model from the RAC
About as minimal as it can be
But you might have blown your chances for an OBE [Order of the British Empire]
They're gonna try and pull the train off track
They're lining up to fly the Union Jack [aka the English flag]
And the tyranny of distance and the path of least resistance
And you gave the Queen assistance when you goosed her back.
[Keating put a hand briefly on the Queen’s back during a state visit to guide her, leading to mass outrage from the English press - ‘hands off our Liz!’ etc.]
KEATING:
We have one golden opportunity
To see our brand new flag unfurled
[Yeah, never happened.]
To rise with shining eyes in unity
It's hard to stand with heads in sand
At the arse end of the world
KEATING AND EVANS:
We can move this world
We can chance this place
Shifting inch by inch
At a glacial pace
Take it step by step
Build it brick by brick
Important innovations
And delicate equations
I'm running out of patience, can we make this quick?
Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick!
EVANS:
Another morning in the ACT [Australian Capital Territory - ie Canberra]
Remind Australia that we're young and free [as per our national anthem]
But every channel seems to disagree
With the possible exception of the ABC [Australian Broadcasting Commission, our national broadcaster, like PBS. Traditionally left-wing.]
We're getting hammered by the tabloid press
We must be pissing Rupert off, I guess [Rupert Murdoch, owner of the tabloids/FOX.]
'Cos they're calling us elitist and the polling is defeatist
And we hope that every street is watching SBS! [Special Broadcasting Service: another, much smaller, government national broadcaster specialising in world news in multiple community languages, foreign films, etc. - all that ‘weird foreign stuff’. Watched by English-Second-Language speakers and champagne socialists, all good Labor voters.]
BAND:
Oh yes! Oh yes!
KEATING:
We hear the siren song of destiny
A call to rapturous rebirth
We dare to recognise our history
The future's bright for black and white
At the arse end of the earth
What better place to make your base than the arse end of the earth?
[The last line is sung to the same underlying tune as the last line of the national anthem “in joyful strains then let us sing - advance Australia fair”.]
Freaky
[The outfit is a reference to an infamous picture of Downer dressed in full business attire except that he has one leg up on a table with the trousers rolled up to the knee and displaying fishnet stockings and very high heels. It was for a charity stunt or something but it was very disturbing. He also has a shock of curly hair and permanently red apple cheeks that make him look something of a walking caricature anyway.]
ALEXANDER DOWNER:
Look at me, I'm Alexander D
Opposition Leader - now how'd that come to be?
[We don’t know either.]
No idea, I woke up and I was here
Lookin' like a superstar and feelin' queer.
Old money - and I'm a master of debate
[Downer considers himself a ‘blue-blood’ - he's from Adelaide, which is notable for NOT being settled by convicts *g* - and he’s supposed to be great in parliamentary debates, which is why I suppose he’s done well inside the party. He sucks at PR, though.]
Five minutes - and I might just meet my fate.
'Cos I'm too freaky
I'm a greasy-cheeked freak
A leader of tomorrow, but I won't be 'round next week
'Cos I'm too freaky
BAND:
Too freaky!
DOWNER:
Twisted to the bone
And I'm thinkin' that I'm sinkin' like a stone...
But it's a chance in a million
That led me to this place
It's destiny that you and me
Should square off face to face
PAUL KEATING:
That's lovely, Alexander, and may the best man win.
DOWNER:
Ah, fuck me, I've got Buckley's in the state I'm in - pull the pin!
[You’ve got two chances: Buckley’s and none. Therefore you’ve got Buckley’s = no chance.]
Look at you, you don't know what to do
Never thought a man could be so Liberal through and through
[play on the word ‘liberal’/Liberal, obviously]
Yes I know, they wanna drag me back below
But I've got the things that batter!
BAND:
MATTER!
DOWNER:
Bugger - there I go!
[Downer once made a tasteless joke about a domestic violence bill, referring to it as ‘the things that batter’. It caused outrage and has never been forgotten.]
Way looney - I’m like Screamin' Lord Sutch
[I believe Screamin’ Lord Sutch was the founder of the Raving Loony Party in England. Something like that.]
They'll screw me - I'm just much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much too freaky!
I'm a greasy-cheeked freak
A leader of tomorrow, but I won't be 'round next week
'Cos I'm too freaky
BAND:
Too freaky!
DOWNER:
Utterly defiled
C'mon, Australia, let's get wild, wild, wild
I'm too freaky...
Heavens, Mr Evans
[I find this song pretty boring, but here it is anyway.]
GARETH EVANS:
It's always the same
Whenever she walks by
My face is aflame
And my mouth goes dry
My pulse is racing
And my heart goes pit-a-pat
And I yearn for Cheryl Kernot, Democrat...
[Basically, Evans had an affair with Cheryl Kernot, the leader of the Democrats - a leftist party.]
CHERYL KERNOT:
Ever since I was young
Just a little girl
I've been waitin' for someone
To show me the world
Well, he's done everything
And he's been everywhere
He's Gareth Evans, my foreign affair...
[Remembering Evans was Minister for Foreign Affairs, haha.]
EVANS:
My heart's in peril, Cheryl, surely I will fall
KERNOT:
Heavens, Mister Evans, how I tremble when you call
EVANS AND KERNOT:
But we owe it to our parties
To try and break that spell...
KERNOT:
And also, aren't you married?
EVANS:
Yes, I am. That as well.
You get under my skin
Like no woman before
By the beard on my chin
I swear I want more
You're an innocent soul
Idealistic and free
Baby won't you give your pref'rence to me?
[When a party has insufficient votes to gain a seat, that candidate’s votes are redistributed according to voter ‘preferences’, so it comes down to two parties at the end.]
KERNOT:
So seductive and strong
You're a party machine
Though I know that it's wrong
I'm a little too green
[Play on words. The Green Party - ‘greenies’ - are even more left-wing.]
EVANS:
Such a lady of light
KERNOT
Such a powerful brute
EVANS AND KERNOT:
Such a thrill to nibble on forbidden fruit...
EVANS:
My heart's in peril, Cheryl, lovin' you so much
KERNOT:
Heavens, Mister Evans, how I tingle at your touch
EVANS AND KERNOT:
Equally enamoured, but differently aligned...
EVANS:
And also, aren't you married?
KERNOT:
Yes, I am.
EVANS:
As am I.
EVANS AND KERNOT:
Never mind!
Redfern
[This song is difficult to explain. Redfern is a suburb very close to the centre of Sydney that has/had a very high Aboriginal population, and was also at one time a very dangerous area - drinking, drugs, riots, carjacking etc. I mean, I’ve walked through there a few times with no problems - it’s not that bad - but you’d want to be aware. Gradually the Aboriginal population are moving out/being forced out due to gentrification which is kind of sad in itself.]
PAUL KEATING:
And now
We're living in a great creative nation
Yet we wait somehow
The battle for the country can't be won
Until we understand
How well we know our land
How much we hide our shame
Or dare to speak its name.
BAND:
Redfern...
KEATING:
And here
We wander though the midst of this
And wish that it would disappear
As if it's only locally created
Insulated pain
A shadow and a stain
A hurt we can't reveal
A cut too deep to heal.
BAND:
Redfern...
KEATING:
But oh, I know we can succeed
We can't afford to fail
And justice must prevail
And oh, I'm sure it will indeed
With everything we share
We know it's only fair.
To begin
I think we oughta show contrition, recognition of our sin
And wonder how we had the gall
To think that it was all OK
And never thought to say
"How angry would I be if this were done to me?"
[Referring, of course, to the arrival of Europeans claiming the land for their own.]
BAND:
Redfern...
KEATING:
But oh, I know we can succeed
We can't afford to fail
And justice must prevail
And oh, I'm sure it will indeed
With everything we share
We know it's only fair... Oh yeah!
Ma(m)bo
[Also complicated - Eddie Mabo basically claimed ownership of Crown land, challenging government possession on the grounds that it had always belonged to his tribe, long before any Europeans arrived. The High Court finally agreed, overturning the concept of ‘terra nullius’ - ie the assumption that Australia was empty when ‘discovered’. This opened the door to other ‘native title’ claims.]
PAUL KEATING:
There's a tale I heard
Of an island man
Tough and undeterred, he said "Haven't you heard?
This land - our land!"
"We belong"
That's what the High Court said
So when you sing this song, you gotta sing it for Ed.
For Eddie.
Ready?
BAND:
Ready!
Mabo!
Mabo!
Mabo!
KEATING:
What's that name?
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
For the Meriam people
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
It was very unequal
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
Was it totally legal? Oh no!
Watch me now!
[SAXOPHONE SOLO]
BAND:
Mabo!
Mabo!
Mabo!
KEATING:
Here comes another one!
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
Native title
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
It's alive and vital
BAND:
Mabo!
KEATING:
Speak the truth and make it so!
And if we follow this philosophy
Demand a land beyond compare
Then girt by faith and generosity
We'll all combine to redefine a beauty rich and rare
In joyful strains then let us sing...
[More wordplay on the Australian national anthem. “Our land is girt by sea/Our land abounds in nature’s gifts/Of beauty rich and rare/In history’s page/Let every stage/Advance Australia fair!/In joyful strains then let us sing/Advance Australia fair!"]
ALL:
Advance Australia...
[… and then Howard came along…]
Power
JOHN HOWARD:
I was an angel in the beginning
I thought of playing but not of winning
So frail and weak, so meek and mild,
I was the world's most agreeable child
I had my share of schoolyard beatings
I made my fair and frightened bleatings
But I began to understand
What they held in their bullying hands...
I want power! I want power!
I want to smell my own ambition in flower!
I want a sense of domination and control!
I want to bat! I want to bowl!
I want power! I want power!
The kind where servant girls bring tributes by the hour!
And I won't rest until I rule the school!
Then I'll be hip, then I'll be cool.
[I don’t think any of this is actually true...]
BAND:
You'll be empowered, John Winston Howard
HOWARD:
Not a single soul alive to call me coward!
BAND:
You'll be the big, big cheese
HOWARD:
I won't say sorry! I won't say please!
[And he never did say ‘sorry’ - to the Aboriginal people.]
BAND:
You'll be empowered, John Winston Howard
HOWARD:
They'll pay for every time I scraped and bowed and cowered
I'll do what must be done
To make John Howard number one!
BAND:
Number one!
HOWARD:
At university, I took my hisses
My slings and brickbats, my hits and misses
But ev'ry moment mocked and cursed
Increased my hunger, increased my thirst
And so the party fed my ambition
They let me lead the Opposition
They let me lead then tore me down
But that won't happen this time around...
[This is true; Howard was leader of the Opposition for a long time, against Hawke, but could never get elected. Finally he came back for a last shot and did it.]
I want power! I want power!
Not just to sit in Opposition and glower!
I want to turn this mother loose!
Show me the money! Give me the juice!
I want power! I want power!
I'll give Australia a gorgeous golden shower!
[Euwww.]
And I won't rest until I rule!
Then I'll be cruel, then I'll be cool.
BAND:
You'll be empowered, John Winston Howard
HOWARD:
I'll show that Keating joker how his grapes have soured!
BAND:
You'll be the man in charge
HOWARD:
I'll go ballistic! I'm livin' large!
BAND:
You'll be empowered, John Winston Howard
HOWARD:
With a biography by Pru and David Goward
[Pru Goward and David Barnett, but they were married, I guess.]
And when it comes to be,
I'll make the bastards bow to me!
And when it comes to be...
BOW TO ME.
The Mateship
[This song is screamingly accurate, but you probably needed to be there. ‘Mateship’ is considered one of the great Australian virtues, and Howard really used this whole concept of getting back to focusing on Australia (only), lots of patriotism, nuclear family stuff.]
HOWARD:
Hang on a tic, just let me talk
'Cos you can tell by the way I use my walk
I'm just a bloke, a normal bloke, and nothin' more
I've got my home, I've got my health
I've got my lovely wife and kids,
I've got no tickets on myself
[Tickets on yourself = arrogant.]
I'm just a bloke, an Aussie bloke, to the core.
So you know that I'd be grateful to the nation at large
If you thought it was appropriate to put me in charge.
HOWARD AND BAND:
Of the Mateship - anchors aweigh!
HOWARD:
We've decided you're invited to stay!
HOWARD AND BAND:
On the Mateship - welcome aboard!
HOWARD:
We could find a better kind of accord, uh-huh-huh.
[Like WorkChoices, in which the employer owns your soul.]
Well I can jibe, and I can tack
So let the skipper take the chipper to Gallipoli and back
I'll be a bloke, an Aussie bloke, with Digger pride
[Gallipoli = scene of Australian war defeat, still much revered. Digger = Australian soldier.]
We wouldn't mix with other crews
[Like those weird scary immigrants…]
We won't consult with any cult promoting multiple views
We'll just be blokes. Dinkum blokes. Bona fide.
And I'd look to the community defending the land
[All in line with the Fortress Australia concept.]
If you took the opportunity to give me command.
HOWARD AND BAND:
Of the Mateship - hoisting the sail!
HOWARD:
Never throw a baby over the rail!
[Ha. After Howard came to power there was a huge scandal when he claimed that asylum seekers had thrown their children overboard to ‘force’ the Australian boats to rescue them. That is, those refugees were so heartless/desperate that they would deliberately jeopardise their children to gain passage into Australia. Later, it transpired that no such thing had happened.]
HOWARD AND BAND:
On the Mateship - flying the flag!
HOWARD:
You'll be clamouring to carry a swag, uh-huh-huh.
[Swag - stockman’s "tent in a bag" - again bringing up ‘traditional Australia’.]
HOWARD AND BAND:
Mates would die for a mate
Mates are worth their weight in gold
Mates can rely on a mate
HOWARD:
So I'm told...
[As in… he doesn’t actually have any.]
Now I'm a man, I'm not a boy
When they say "Aussie Aussie Aussie" I say "oy oy oy!"
[Australian sport chant: Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi! - yes, really.]
Like any bloke, a rugged bloke, pretty tough
It's catching on, it's all the rage
Why even now I look around and see no women on the stage
Only blokes - Aussie blokes!
[Howard promoted ‘family-friendly’ policies - ie women should have babies and stay home.]
BAND MEMBER:
(spoken) Hey - I'm a Kiwi!
[Kiwi = New Zealander. If Australia were the US, New Zealand would be Canada.]
HOWARD:
Close enough.
You could dwell upon tomorrow and the sorrow you feel
Or set a course for yesterday and give me the wheel.
HOWARD AND BAND:
Of the Mateship - rounding the buoy!
HOWARD:
No political correctness ahoy!
HOWARD AND BAND:
On the Mateship, anchors aweigh!
HOWARD:
We'll decide if you're invited to stay
[Howard made a great deal about “we‘ll decide who comes into this country”, etc.]
On the Mateship...
Choose Me
PAUL KEATING:
Since we've been together, baby, what a ride we've had
A rollercoaster J-curve through the good times and the bad
[The J-curve is infamous - if you put a J on its side it goes down and then up. Around 1991 we got ‘the recession we had to have’ and Keating defended it with much talk of ‘the J-curve’, meaning things would get worse before they got better.]
And maybe you got the blues
But if you have to choose
Then choose me.
JOHN HOWARD:
You gave him your devotion and he treated you so cruel
You took him to the top and now he takes you for a fool
Who don't you break it up?
It's time to shake it up
And choose me.
Dislocation, deprivation, well it's more than you should stand
KEATING:
Working Nation transformation needs a sure and steady hand
[Under Keating the Working Nation policy aimed to increase employment, and help to drag the country out of recession.]
We'll be smarter, it gets harder, but we've got to push on through
HOWARD:
You don't need it! Why believe it? What's your country done for you?
I'll pick you pretty flowers, babe, and bring 'em to your door
KEATING:
Am I the only one to whom that promise sounds non-core?
HOWARD:
No, I always tell the truth
KEATING:
I think we need a little proof
KEATING AND HOWARD:
So choose me.
KEATING:
We had trouble, burst our bubble, but recovery is here
HOWARD:
I don't trust it, he'll just bust it, gonna prick your brick veneer
KEATING:
Honest Johnny, later on, we gonna see a GST?
HOWARD:
No I swear it, I declare it, that will never ever be!
[Hee - and of course, there was. Now we have a GST.]
KEATING:
So tell me truly, baby, is it him or is it me?
HOWARD:
Take a lolly, baby, think it over carefully
[Lolly = candy. Very Howard - distract with policy sweeteners.]
KEATING AND HOWARD
'Cos now it's up to you
Whatever you want to do...
But choose me.
Light on the Hill
[A phrase from a Chifley speech, being the ideal for the Labor party - to be “the light on the hill” for the masses.]
PAUL KEATING:
They're counting up the votes across Australia
And counting down the seconds of my years
I've seen quite a few elections
I know how to read projections
I can recognise a change when it appears
The people make the ultimate decision
The system says they always get it right
So though it seems like half an hour
Since I stumbled into power
Now it's time for me to say goodnight.
But still I dream
Of a country rich and clever
With compassion and endeavour
Reaching out towards forever, and I'm still
Dreaming of the light on the hill.
You start off in your local council chamber
You fight and dream until you reach your prime
And if you should succeed
By the time you get to lead
You're pretty much exhausted from the climb
You only get a moment in the penthouse
Before you find you're standing on the sill
And if you're sunk in ham and gammon
When it turns from feast to famine
Then you're lucky if you've had your fill.
But still I dream
Heads are high and hearts are heady
Eyes are bright and clear and steady
Full of promise that we're ready to fulfill
I'm dreaming of the light on the hill.
They're counting up the votes across Australia
This time it seems the verdict is severe
Swan, McEwen, Fadden, Dickson,
Bass and Paterson and Kingston
But it's Oxley with the message, loud and clear:
[All pivotal seats lost by the ALP - but Oxley is infamous in being Pauline Hanson’s seat. The future leader of the right-wing anti-immigration One Nation Party.]
"Bring us back our comfy bloody country
Take us back to simple days of yore
Nothing alien or scary,
La-de-da or airy-fairy
Just put it back the way it was before."
But still I dream
That the stars will be aligning
As our fates are intertwining
Until every heart is shining with goodwill
Shining like the light on the hill,
Shining like the light on the hill.
Historical Revisionism
[ie Wishful Thinking *g*]
SCRUTINEER:
The '96 election is still hanging by a thread
The last of the electorates will bring it to a head
One tiny booth in Surry Hills has not returned its choice
[The line changes according to venue. “Surry Hills” for when it was on at the Belvoir. At the Seymour Centre it was “Cleveland Street”.]
Is it Keating? Is it Howard? Let your verdict find its voice...
BAND:
Keating, Keating, Keating...
SCRUTINEER:
The same name just keeps repeating
BAND:
Keating, Keating, Keating...
KEATING:
I can feel my heart start beating
BAND:
Keating, Keating, Keating...
HOWARD:
No way! That's wrong! That's cheating!
BAND:
Keating, Keating, Keating, KEATING, KEATING, KEATING, KEATING!
KEATING:
I thought no victory could be sweeter
I thought no day could dawn so bright
I thank my lovely wife, Annita
She's been out the back all night
Don't need no glorious procession
Don't need no streamers to be tossed
Just wanna hear this man's concession...
HOWARD:
Well, I'm sorry...
That I lost!
[More harping on Howard’s inability to say ‘sorry’ to the Aboriginal people.]
KEATING:
And I am the boss!
'Cos I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
Yes I am.
I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I'm the man
BAND:
Who da man?
KEATING:
Who da man?
BAND:
You da man!
KEATING:
I am,
I am,
I am!
ALL:
KEATING!