AIG-- You've GOT to be kidding me!!!!
No-- I'm not complaining about the bailout and the bonuses, as bogus as all that is and as much as I hate them all for it. But, in the midst of all that drama, I received an invitation to be insured by them, for the 1st time ever. The restrictions on what exactly can and can not be insured crack me the hell up-- basically, nothing is actually insured! It's so ridiculous, I almost wonder if it is a joke. Check out the "exceptions" on what they will cover:
1. suicide, including accidental-- also including autoerotic asphixiation! (yes, they HAD to detail that 1 I guess!)
2. sickness, disease, mental disability or bodily infirmity (what?)
3. the injury occurs while the person is in the midst of commiting a felony (!)
4. infections of almost any type except like two (botulism, etc.) again, WHAT???
5. declared or undeclared war
6. anything resulting from an athletic team or event
7. full time duty in the armed forces
8. travel or flight, if the person is learing, or has any ownership of the plane, etc.
9. & 10 the injured person is under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs
11. injury resluting from surgeries or medical treatments
12. stroke, heart attack, coronary thrombosis, aneurysm (!) ( REALLY???)
13. anything which anyone else might cover-- like worker's comp.
14. the injured person was engaged in any sort of race in a vehicle, and
15. anything that happens outside rhe U.S. or Canada.
So, I was thinking of writing them a letter back, something like this:
Dear AIG:
I am a professional race car driver with NASCAR. I live dangerously and I have sometimes suicidal thoughts, because of a previously botched surgery in which the doctor left a sponge inside me and caused me partial impotence. My doctor has prescribed me anti-depressants, but I ran out that day and was borrowing someone else's perscription. I was driving too fast during an important race and decided that whacking off while holding my breath might calm me down, since I have a pre-existing heart condition, and recently sustained a cut from a small piece of metal while working on my car which is slightly infected. Just then, war broke out suddenly, and since I also serve in the National Reserves, I performed my duty and chased the enemy across the border into Mexico, but unfortunately I was driving over the speed limit and police followed me, not realizing I was in fact a national hero, and because of a warrant for old speeding tickets I had not paid and a previous DUI arrest. I crashed, miraculously, at a nearby airport, but, since I have done this sort of thing before (I am taking piloting lessons) I jumped and ran to the nearest small bird I could find and acsended, meanwhile evading both American and Mexican police- who were too busy fighting drug cartels anyway to really care too much about my predicament. I took a swig of whiskey that someone had conveniently left in the cockpit for the pain from the accident, waited for it to fade and then everything went blank... I suffered a simultaneous heart attack, stroke, and anueryism, which I later learned had occured because of a deep vein thrombosis I was unaware of-- a condition resulting from long period of sitting, as I am required to do because of my job, and so I am unsure as to whether or not my Worker's Compensation will cover it.
So, my question is, am I entitled to any benefits from this accident? Perhaps your CEO's can answer this more accurately.
Sincerely-
Screw U. Verymuch
1. suicide, including accidental-- also including autoerotic asphixiation! (yes, they HAD to detail that 1 I guess!)
2. sickness, disease, mental disability or bodily infirmity (what?)
3. the injury occurs while the person is in the midst of commiting a felony (!)
4. infections of almost any type except like two (botulism, etc.) again, WHAT???
5. declared or undeclared war
6. anything resulting from an athletic team or event
7. full time duty in the armed forces
8. travel or flight, if the person is learing, or has any ownership of the plane, etc.
9. & 10 the injured person is under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs
11. injury resluting from surgeries or medical treatments
12. stroke, heart attack, coronary thrombosis, aneurysm (!) ( REALLY???)
13. anything which anyone else might cover-- like worker's comp.
14. the injured person was engaged in any sort of race in a vehicle, and
15. anything that happens outside rhe U.S. or Canada.
So, I was thinking of writing them a letter back, something like this:
Dear AIG:
I am a professional race car driver with NASCAR. I live dangerously and I have sometimes suicidal thoughts, because of a previously botched surgery in which the doctor left a sponge inside me and caused me partial impotence. My doctor has prescribed me anti-depressants, but I ran out that day and was borrowing someone else's perscription. I was driving too fast during an important race and decided that whacking off while holding my breath might calm me down, since I have a pre-existing heart condition, and recently sustained a cut from a small piece of metal while working on my car which is slightly infected. Just then, war broke out suddenly, and since I also serve in the National Reserves, I performed my duty and chased the enemy across the border into Mexico, but unfortunately I was driving over the speed limit and police followed me, not realizing I was in fact a national hero, and because of a warrant for old speeding tickets I had not paid and a previous DUI arrest. I crashed, miraculously, at a nearby airport, but, since I have done this sort of thing before (I am taking piloting lessons) I jumped and ran to the nearest small bird I could find and acsended, meanwhile evading both American and Mexican police- who were too busy fighting drug cartels anyway to really care too much about my predicament. I took a swig of whiskey that someone had conveniently left in the cockpit for the pain from the accident, waited for it to fade and then everything went blank... I suffered a simultaneous heart attack, stroke, and anueryism, which I later learned had occured because of a deep vein thrombosis I was unaware of-- a condition resulting from long period of sitting, as I am required to do because of my job, and so I am unsure as to whether or not my Worker's Compensation will cover it.
So, my question is, am I entitled to any benefits from this accident? Perhaps your CEO's can answer this more accurately.
Sincerely-
Screw U. Verymuch