ano bashou::de deatta::ne ima::dewa mou
I'm feeling kinda down again today... I'm really hoping this isn't the end what was supposed to be a lifetime :\
Y'kno, every time I say something like that, I instantly feel absolutely pathetic for saying it. Like, as if an invisible hand just slaps me upside the head and shouts "SERIOUSLY HEATHER WHY WOULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING?!?!"
...when I stayed at Kayla's the other night, I had a dream (Yeah, amazing, I slept) that she and I were an hour late getting home from her place, and someone kept calling my cell phone asking where I was. It souuuunded like Cauldren -which in itself confuses me as why would she be calling me from my house? Why did she sound not like herself, And why did she (in the second phone call) call me baby? O.o But anyways; so we got to my house, and it wasn't Cauldren at all. It was Caleb. He'd come up to visit for a while. And it was HIM calling me; wondering where I was and when I'd be home.
It was such an odd dream, I woke up and tried processing this... of course it doesn't even need to be pointed out that I wish it would come true. ((even though I felt it needed to be pointed out anyways... oh well)) I think I was stepped on by a doggie or something.. haha. Silly doggies. The night before they hated me, then all of a sudden, they loooooved me. At least while I was "Less intimidating" while still under the blankets with only a face exposed, that was apparently full-on game for being LICKED to death ;P lol
I can't wait to see Caleb. This semester's almost over, dad informed me yesterday that I have to get my room ready to be painted soon. Which will take probably two days (so I'm guessing). Evy's room is finished. The Kitchen is being tackled and the front room too. My room, I get to do myself. ((gotta remember to paint a bit in my closet, tossing shoes in there over the past few years has left black marks on the wall. Maiiiinly (probably ONLY) from the brown boots I've got.
I guess I'm just afraid. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to be abandoned. I don't want to get hurt. But at the same time, I dare to love? Dare to trust? Dare to take down ALL of my shields, and for a guy who lives 16 hours away from me.
And sometimes I wonder why? Why am I so trusting? Why am I so set on him? There's so many people trying to convince me that I'm "still so young" and "have my whole life ahead of me" and why am I thinking of marriage already.
In the end, my answer is always the same; because I know that God has planned for Caleb and me to be together.
But still, that stupid little voice is in my head trying to tell me that it won't last. Trying to tell me he's not being faithful. Trying to convince me that he's lying and just playing games.
And I tell that voice to "STFU" and "GTFO" of my head. Because I know who's voice that is. And I will NOT listen to him.
Stupid devil.
...yeah I dunno. I don't know what else to write. I just had a nice odd conversation with one of the girls in for open lab. I'm shocked so many people came. There's like 5 girls here now. Well, I'm glad I mixed up both sinks then! haha
...and that there's no chance Linda will come in. Whooo!! Haha... I love Linda, but I like days where I'm just here doing my job-description, assigned job. Mix chemicals and supervise the students.
Suppose I'll go then. ~Later
Y'kno, every time I say something like that, I instantly feel absolutely pathetic for saying it. Like, as if an invisible hand just slaps me upside the head and shouts "SERIOUSLY HEATHER WHY WOULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING?!?!"
...when I stayed at Kayla's the other night, I had a dream (Yeah, amazing, I slept) that she and I were an hour late getting home from her place, and someone kept calling my cell phone asking where I was. It souuuunded like Cauldren -which in itself confuses me as why would she be calling me from my house? Why did she sound not like herself, And why did she (in the second phone call) call me baby? O.o But anyways; so we got to my house, and it wasn't Cauldren at all. It was Caleb. He'd come up to visit for a while. And it was HIM calling me; wondering where I was and when I'd be home.
It was such an odd dream, I woke up and tried processing this... of course it doesn't even need to be pointed out that I wish it would come true. ((even though I felt it needed to be pointed out anyways... oh well)) I think I was stepped on by a doggie or something.. haha. Silly doggies. The night before they hated me, then all of a sudden, they loooooved me. At least while I was "Less intimidating" while still under the blankets with only a face exposed, that was apparently full-on game for being LICKED to death ;P lol
I can't wait to see Caleb. This semester's almost over, dad informed me yesterday that I have to get my room ready to be painted soon. Which will take probably two days (so I'm guessing). Evy's room is finished. The Kitchen is being tackled and the front room too. My room, I get to do myself. ((gotta remember to paint a bit in my closet, tossing shoes in there over the past few years has left black marks on the wall. Maiiiinly (probably ONLY) from the brown boots I've got.
I guess I'm just afraid. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to be abandoned. I don't want to get hurt. But at the same time, I dare to love? Dare to trust? Dare to take down ALL of my shields, and for a guy who lives 16 hours away from me.
And sometimes I wonder why? Why am I so trusting? Why am I so set on him? There's so many people trying to convince me that I'm "still so young" and "have my whole life ahead of me" and why am I thinking of marriage already.
In the end, my answer is always the same; because I know that God has planned for Caleb and me to be together.
But still, that stupid little voice is in my head trying to tell me that it won't last. Trying to tell me he's not being faithful. Trying to convince me that he's lying and just playing games.
And I tell that voice to "STFU" and "GTFO" of my head. Because I know who's voice that is. And I will NOT listen to him.
Stupid devil.
...yeah I dunno. I don't know what else to write. I just had a nice odd conversation with one of the girls in for open lab. I'm shocked so many people came. There's like 5 girls here now. Well, I'm glad I mixed up both sinks then! haha
...and that there's no chance Linda will come in. Whooo!! Haha... I love Linda, but I like days where I'm just here doing my job-description, assigned job. Mix chemicals and supervise the students.
Suppose I'll go then. ~Later