(no subject)
I'm in this severly weird mood. Sitting on my room, watching what little light dying from my window, I just felt this deep sense of finality engulf me. Just it seems time is rushing towards this time of endings and uncertainty -- two things I have never been that good with.
Maybe what's worse is that I have all this creativity going on, and no where "constructive" to place it. All my muses (like usual) are begging me to do things that will not benefit me in any of my classes. And I have no motivation or creativity to actually do anything for my classes. Thanks to guardiansj and Brick I now have a idea to finish a painting. But while I want to, I feel guilty starting it since I have a ton of other classes that are calling for my attention. For me it seems the more I am pushed to do creative things by some authority, the more I feel I have nothing to give. I kinda feel this way with photo ... I remember in photo 1 and 2 class where I was practicing running home to grab my camera to take more pictures. But now I feel like I've been so immersed in the medium that I need a break from it. I've always been angry at myself for this kind of thing -- why can't I find something and stick with it for more than a few months? I always find myself doing some sort of craft or art thing for a while and then putting it in my closet ... it always gets pulled back out at some point later when it's more new and shiny. But it makes me wonder what kind of future jobs await me out there - and how happy I will be in any of them. I'm so afraid that I'll find this dream job and then after a few months I'll end up hating what I do and eventually killing the magic I find in art.
Bah all that aside I can't wait to finally get to Spring Break ... I've always hated spring semester cause I'm always dragging right around now, just waiting for a chance to breathe.
Maybe what's worse is that I have all this creativity going on, and no where "constructive" to place it. All my muses (like usual) are begging me to do things that will not benefit me in any of my classes. And I have no motivation or creativity to actually do anything for my classes. Thanks to guardiansj and Brick I now have a idea to finish a painting. But while I want to, I feel guilty starting it since I have a ton of other classes that are calling for my attention. For me it seems the more I am pushed to do creative things by some authority, the more I feel I have nothing to give. I kinda feel this way with photo ... I remember in photo 1 and 2 class where I was practicing running home to grab my camera to take more pictures. But now I feel like I've been so immersed in the medium that I need a break from it. I've always been angry at myself for this kind of thing -- why can't I find something and stick with it for more than a few months? I always find myself doing some sort of craft or art thing for a while and then putting it in my closet ... it always gets pulled back out at some point later when it's more new and shiny. But it makes me wonder what kind of future jobs await me out there - and how happy I will be in any of them. I'm so afraid that I'll find this dream job and then after a few months I'll end up hating what I do and eventually killing the magic I find in art.
Bah all that aside I can't wait to finally get to Spring Break ... I've always hated spring semester cause I'm always dragging right around now, just waiting for a chance to breathe.