soco amaretto lime
hmm, im in a writing mood. so this entry might be somewhat entertaining. or not at all. whichever.
im not even sure where to start. too many things and feelings, and lust and frustration, and annoyances.
when i think of recent events i think of jyll and dan, brian and i hang out with them pretty frequent. i don't think i've ever typed that word. weird. anyway, theres a lot with that which is awkward in a way i guess, awkward probably isn't the word considering i don't feel awkward. But i do feel jealous and lonley with the whole situation. i hope it will even out somehow.
brian just called me because he just got home from dropping me off. we were about to hang up and was just like .."bye". intersting. as soon as something is a little off he's an asshole. one second he's completely 'in love' with me and we're getting married. the next, he could be without me and not think twice about it. its rediclous. you either feel one or the other. i understand infatuation and all that. but don't try to convince me you're 'in love'. i know im not, so i don't say it. at points i thought i could have been. but i don't know how real any of it is. or is anything even real at all...
since brian crashed my car i havn't really seen anyone that much. like i have but not really. but my dad made me quite the offer i will not let go. he said if i find a steady full time job, he will buy me a new honda civic. obv i'll get the SI, and pay it off. but i'll take that thank you. sooooo, tomorrow my plan is to find this job thats going to help me afford this. and insurance as well.
im really having a hard time like....no eating. i don't understand how i used to have so much will power. well, i know birth control is making me a fat mess also, but honestly what the fuck. i just want to be skinny. even last year i was better than this. i would rather be tinnier than that though. i'd like to be around 110-118. it would take a lot of work but i'd like to try.
i'll update on it if it goes anywhere.
thats all, those were pointless stories.
im not even sure where to start. too many things and feelings, and lust and frustration, and annoyances.
when i think of recent events i think of jyll and dan, brian and i hang out with them pretty frequent. i don't think i've ever typed that word. weird. anyway, theres a lot with that which is awkward in a way i guess, awkward probably isn't the word considering i don't feel awkward. But i do feel jealous and lonley with the whole situation. i hope it will even out somehow.
brian just called me because he just got home from dropping me off. we were about to hang up and was just like .."bye". intersting. as soon as something is a little off he's an asshole. one second he's completely 'in love' with me and we're getting married. the next, he could be without me and not think twice about it. its rediclous. you either feel one or the other. i understand infatuation and all that. but don't try to convince me you're 'in love'. i know im not, so i don't say it. at points i thought i could have been. but i don't know how real any of it is. or is anything even real at all...
since brian crashed my car i havn't really seen anyone that much. like i have but not really. but my dad made me quite the offer i will not let go. he said if i find a steady full time job, he will buy me a new honda civic. obv i'll get the SI, and pay it off. but i'll take that thank you. sooooo, tomorrow my plan is to find this job thats going to help me afford this. and insurance as well.
im really having a hard time like....no eating. i don't understand how i used to have so much will power. well, i know birth control is making me a fat mess also, but honestly what the fuck. i just want to be skinny. even last year i was better than this. i would rather be tinnier than that though. i'd like to be around 110-118. it would take a lot of work but i'd like to try.
i'll update on it if it goes anywhere.
thats all, those were pointless stories.