(no subject)
theres so many things im trying to accomplish in my life right now, but i feel like im being held back because the help that i need is not there. only because no one thinks im capable of handling responsibility. in a way i feel over whelmed that there IS so much that im trying to do with myself, and im also confused what i want to do with my life. being a make up artist would be pretty nice, but i want to go to school to learn a lot more about it. but school scares me because i don't want it to be a waste of money or time, especially because im so indecisive about everything its so hard to stick with one thing and be happy and enjoy it.
at this point im not really 'happy,' and i don't really have a reason not to be. but i think it has a lot to do with a feeling of emptyness with things i never got out of my system. and those things are effecting my relationship with brian. some of it is him, but its also me. sometimes i just feel numb and i can't stand it. its so hard to keep excitment in relationships when there's too much comfert. i like the feeling of being nervous and exciting before seeing the person. and when they touch you, it makes you scared and you don't know what to do. i hate who i am around him now. i used to be more laid back, quiet and up for anything. and now im just a bitch. but hes different too, when we first met we used to talk and relate on morals and whatever. now hes just imature and its just a turn off. i just want things to be good.
at this point im not really 'happy,' and i don't really have a reason not to be. but i think it has a lot to do with a feeling of emptyness with things i never got out of my system. and those things are effecting my relationship with brian. some of it is him, but its also me. sometimes i just feel numb and i can't stand it. its so hard to keep excitment in relationships when there's too much comfert. i like the feeling of being nervous and exciting before seeing the person. and when they touch you, it makes you scared and you don't know what to do. i hate who i am around him now. i used to be more laid back, quiet and up for anything. and now im just a bitch. but hes different too, when we first met we used to talk and relate on morals and whatever. now hes just imature and its just a turn off. i just want things to be good.