Recent thoughts on coupling/relocation and life...
Okay. This one's a toughy. It could be a shoot-myself-in-the-footsie, but only time will tell.
I've had a number of people live with me before. They got REALLY cozy and comfortable, and completely loved their lives when they were with me. Men, women, and even a couple of arguably in-betweeners. Everything they normally restrain around others just poured out of them effortlessly, like being with me or in my home was like an alternate dimension where people can just... BE.
What can I say, it's a gift. A great gift to share - with some moderation, so that people don't totally detach themselves from real life (one person got to the point where the only reason they would put on pants was for a date or a job interview, I'm not exaggerating!). It's one reason - if not the PRIMARY reason - why my life is full of closer-than-average relationships (and maybe why I suffer no lack of intimacy, and therefore are more sex-driven in dating).
To a great extent, it's rather mutual. I've found it practically effortless to open up and "just be" around... well, just about everybody. (Maybe that's why I don't see any value in getting intoxicated, there.) But after awhile, that comfortable zone gets people to a strange place where all of a sudden they're totally lazy and irresponsible, often just inconsiderate. That is a very uncool vibe that, sad to say, eventually EVERYBODY I've even shared boarding with has gotten to. Either that, or a point where they attempt to monopolize all of my time and attention for themselves, not only smothering me and burning me out - which I admit I do rather quickly now - but destroying my focus on all of the other things I'm trying to accomplish with my life as well. Inevitably, this leads to a situation where anybody with prolonged, constant exposure (not spurty) to me ends up being people I dislike and then estrange myself to.
THIS HAS BEEN HUGELY PROBLEMATIC IN FORMING LASTING RELATIONSHIPS.
It's not the kind of thing most people even percieve as a "problem." The most hazardous thing I face in my relationships is people LOVING ME TOO MUCH?! (Or more accurately, loving my companionship, since it's not always exactly reciprocal once it crosses "that line.") I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do ABOUT THAT?
Being selectively slutty instead seems like the easy/obvious answer to that. Been there, trying that. But then, everywhere I turn, people are looking for depth, connection, interaction outside of the sex. Besides, that "gift" of opening people up - more often metaphorically than physically, unfortunately - isn't exactly something that comes with an off switch. Neither do the brainses, sadly. So even being slutty leads to some degree of depth and intimacy, and connection. (That's a whole 'nother problem.)
I guess some reciprocality and moderation are really the keys to making anything solid work with me. Which is hard when people treat me like I'm some kind of drug they get hooked on... ~.~' Or when people want that kind of relationship where they're conjoined at the hip 24/7. (Or you think you do, but you'll tire of that quickly.)
_____________________
And then, there's the relocation thing. If we've been chatterboxing about getting together recently, you're probably not from around here. In fact, I'm nearly certain of it. Friends and their different walks of life around here have begun to cross-coincide so much that I'm *certain* that if any date potential were around here, it would be happening already. Professional momentum - other than what I'm creating entirely first-hand - appears to be kind of stifled here, too.
So some details of it might get me edgy every now and then - we all live lives that do that - I'm in a great place in life right now. It's affordable and well-located, covers most necessities, isn't too big and too much work or too small and cramped for a romp or small get-together. And it took overcoming dozens of "impossibles" to get here. Being covered head-to-toe in fire ants. Two car accidents in the same day, and even being hit by one on a bike. A home exploding and ensuing year on the streets. LOTS OF CRAZY SHIT. To get here. In my home that I LOVE to call MY HOME.
My great, cozy, fun, exciting, well-maintained home with central air. Five minutes from everything I could want to be around - bookstores, bowling alleys, pool halls, the mall, an arcade, an indie theater, an ARCO/AM-PM, food places that fix stuff I actually LIKE*, parks to BBQ at, two different freeways (without being noisy!), right around the corner from my credit union of choice and a 24-hour grocery store (I can literally WALK THAT in 5 minutes)! And math that's JUST BARELY friendly enough to make it work for now. But... with stifled dating potential and professional momentum. :| THIS is what I refer to as a PREDICAMENT.
*I've got these crews TRAINED, too. I make eye contact with anybody in the back, and my "usual" is already on it's way. For as much as it's "unadventurous," sometimes consistency has it's perks too!
Ideally, I would love to just shuffle around a couple of the things here in town, to make that little difference that works. It's why I'm working towards creating that professional momentum, and the kind of personal environment around here that attracts and fosters people of "preferred flavor?"... instead of hoping that it just drops in my lap or trying to chase down the industry or community.
Along with the optimally-sporadic contact that *successfully* positive relationships in my life are built around, this is also why I'm not looking for anywhere else to live - although making two-hour trips for dates CAn get a WEE bit excessive (although it seems like least of the evils). And the aforementioned part of relationships makes me completely TERRIFIED of moving somebody in here as well. Plus, getting somebody in is about 20000% easier than getting them out if shit goes South - pardon the pun, L.A.sters!!
For lack of a better term... I'm feeling terribly stalemated, here! It would take something outrageous to lure me out of my happy home. But then, what will become of me if I don't venture out to some degree?
I would have to at LEAST vacation with somebody stellar for 2 weeks solid before I would even CONSIDER a permanent move. And well... when you're "creating" in your community, and living just within your means... that's REALLY hard to find time to do! ~.~'
I've had a number of people live with me before. They got REALLY cozy and comfortable, and completely loved their lives when they were with me. Men, women, and even a couple of arguably in-betweeners. Everything they normally restrain around others just poured out of them effortlessly, like being with me or in my home was like an alternate dimension where people can just... BE.
What can I say, it's a gift. A great gift to share - with some moderation, so that people don't totally detach themselves from real life (one person got to the point where the only reason they would put on pants was for a date or a job interview, I'm not exaggerating!). It's one reason - if not the PRIMARY reason - why my life is full of closer-than-average relationships (and maybe why I suffer no lack of intimacy, and therefore are more sex-driven in dating).
To a great extent, it's rather mutual. I've found it practically effortless to open up and "just be" around... well, just about everybody. (Maybe that's why I don't see any value in getting intoxicated, there.) But after awhile, that comfortable zone gets people to a strange place where all of a sudden they're totally lazy and irresponsible, often just inconsiderate. That is a very uncool vibe that, sad to say, eventually EVERYBODY I've even shared boarding with has gotten to. Either that, or a point where they attempt to monopolize all of my time and attention for themselves, not only smothering me and burning me out - which I admit I do rather quickly now - but destroying my focus on all of the other things I'm trying to accomplish with my life as well. Inevitably, this leads to a situation where anybody with prolonged, constant exposure (not spurty) to me ends up being people I dislike and then estrange myself to.
THIS HAS BEEN HUGELY PROBLEMATIC IN FORMING LASTING RELATIONSHIPS.
It's not the kind of thing most people even percieve as a "problem." The most hazardous thing I face in my relationships is people LOVING ME TOO MUCH?! (Or more accurately, loving my companionship, since it's not always exactly reciprocal once it crosses "that line.") I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do ABOUT THAT?
Being selectively slutty instead seems like the easy/obvious answer to that. Been there, trying that. But then, everywhere I turn, people are looking for depth, connection, interaction outside of the sex. Besides, that "gift" of opening people up - more often metaphorically than physically, unfortunately - isn't exactly something that comes with an off switch. Neither do the brainses, sadly. So even being slutty leads to some degree of depth and intimacy, and connection. (That's a whole 'nother problem.)
I guess some reciprocality and moderation are really the keys to making anything solid work with me. Which is hard when people treat me like I'm some kind of drug they get hooked on... ~.~' Or when people want that kind of relationship where they're conjoined at the hip 24/7. (Or you think you do, but you'll tire of that quickly.)
_____________________
And then, there's the relocation thing. If we've been chatterboxing about getting together recently, you're probably not from around here. In fact, I'm nearly certain of it. Friends and their different walks of life around here have begun to cross-coincide so much that I'm *certain* that if any date potential were around here, it would be happening already. Professional momentum - other than what I'm creating entirely first-hand - appears to be kind of stifled here, too.
So some details of it might get me edgy every now and then - we all live lives that do that - I'm in a great place in life right now. It's affordable and well-located, covers most necessities, isn't too big and too much work or too small and cramped for a romp or small get-together. And it took overcoming dozens of "impossibles" to get here. Being covered head-to-toe in fire ants. Two car accidents in the same day, and even being hit by one on a bike. A home exploding and ensuing year on the streets. LOTS OF CRAZY SHIT. To get here. In my home that I LOVE to call MY HOME.
My great, cozy, fun, exciting, well-maintained home with central air. Five minutes from everything I could want to be around - bookstores, bowling alleys, pool halls, the mall, an arcade, an indie theater, an ARCO/AM-PM, food places that fix stuff I actually LIKE*, parks to BBQ at, two different freeways (without being noisy!), right around the corner from my credit union of choice and a 24-hour grocery store (I can literally WALK THAT in 5 minutes)! And math that's JUST BARELY friendly enough to make it work for now. But... with stifled dating potential and professional momentum. :| THIS is what I refer to as a PREDICAMENT.
*I've got these crews TRAINED, too. I make eye contact with anybody in the back, and my "usual" is already on it's way. For as much as it's "unadventurous," sometimes consistency has it's perks too!
Ideally, I would love to just shuffle around a couple of the things here in town, to make that little difference that works. It's why I'm working towards creating that professional momentum, and the kind of personal environment around here that attracts and fosters people of "preferred flavor?"... instead of hoping that it just drops in my lap or trying to chase down the industry or community.
Along with the optimally-sporadic contact that *successfully* positive relationships in my life are built around, this is also why I'm not looking for anywhere else to live - although making two-hour trips for dates CAn get a WEE bit excessive (although it seems like least of the evils). And the aforementioned part of relationships makes me completely TERRIFIED of moving somebody in here as well. Plus, getting somebody in is about 20000% easier than getting them out if shit goes South - pardon the pun, L.A.sters!!
For lack of a better term... I'm feeling terribly stalemated, here! It would take something outrageous to lure me out of my happy home. But then, what will become of me if I don't venture out to some degree?
I would have to at LEAST vacation with somebody stellar for 2 weeks solid before I would even CONSIDER a permanent move. And well... when you're "creating" in your community, and living just within your means... that's REALLY hard to find time to do! ~.~'