geez o man
since my last update things have only gotten worse. i have so may fukkin problems this week, i don`t know how to handle it all. mr. allen passed away on sunday. school was kinda hard on monday but we didn`t do a thing in any one of our classes because we had on average abour 10 people in each class. this week has been total chaos, i wish i knew when it would all end. i have a 6 page report done tomorrow that i just got done. i started working on it yesterday and i had polish dance practice yesterday from 8 till 9 and today from 7 till 9 and tomorrow from 6 till 9. this is my first time polish dancing so its taking a lot out of me. i was rushing to finish up my report so i could dance. this weekend if the strawberry festival which is a festival that my old school puts on each may. since mr allens gone its not the same. he was a co founder of the festival. its gonna be tough.
remember how i told you guys how me and eric went ta the movies on wednesday last week and everything was so great and blah blah. well i havent spoke a word to him since then and he hasn`t done the same. i am sick of being the one to initate conversation when things get weird. i want him to do it to prove to me that he does care. right now i`m assuming he doesn`t because its been a whole week! WTF? i have been nothing but a good girlfriend in my eyes. so i am a little jealous of one girl that he used to like a lot.. i mean more than me. thats normal right. well yeah when i see him on her or her on him its fukking upsetting. i have the right to get upset am i right? right now i am going through so much shit i need the support of those who care about me. i feel like he doesnt because if he did he would be trying to help me cope with everything. hes the one person i need right now and hes not even there. i mean yeah i heard from a bunch of people that he wants to break up with me. if thats the case i have to accept it right? i mean its tearing me apart.. i cry so much every night because i dont understand why, i am trying so hard. i mean shouldnt things be good. i mean we spent almost a whole week apart and we had our space and i cant think of anything that would have got him pissed. excpet for maybe saying that the girl he used ta like a lot would trip. but damn i wasnt serious.. i dont care about her anymore, if he wanted her he coulda tried with her i guess but he chose me.. and i guess that makes me happy but i know when you have such strong feelings for someone they just dont go away. i mean I KNOW wha its like believe me, there is no way in the world that he could say he has no feelings for her because he would be lying. like i said i have the right to be jealous, shes cute and small and skinny and athletic. and im not.. everyone wants her.. but no one can get her.. hmm i wonder why!? WTF man.. i just wish things would get better.. i wishhe would talk to me so i could try and make things right again. but i know i dont have a chance anymore.. hes done with me.. look at this that i saved:
eric:i will never find ne one better than u
me: but i duno.. im just very scared of heartbreak
eric: it wont happen
eric: ii hope u break mine
eric: so i can take the pain
me: like i was talking to my mom after the game she met u at.. and i was like so happy, like i told her i just have a good feeling about us.. just were both like pretty understanding people and i dunno
eric: i feel the same way
eric: there is something special there
eric: a feeling..
eric: im soo glad u came
eric: if u didnt id still be single
eric: cuz i wouldnt have suck a wonderful person
hmm yeah those days.. he wont ever find better than me.. and he wont break my heart.. well theres HER and hes better than me.. and he IS breaking my heart right now.. its so hard guyz.. i dont know what to do anymore
sorry for sucha long post i had ta get the feelings out
new private journal
_prettyful
nite nite
remember how i told you guys how me and eric went ta the movies on wednesday last week and everything was so great and blah blah. well i havent spoke a word to him since then and he hasn`t done the same. i am sick of being the one to initate conversation when things get weird. i want him to do it to prove to me that he does care. right now i`m assuming he doesn`t because its been a whole week! WTF? i have been nothing but a good girlfriend in my eyes. so i am a little jealous of one girl that he used to like a lot.. i mean more than me. thats normal right. well yeah when i see him on her or her on him its fukking upsetting. i have the right to get upset am i right? right now i am going through so much shit i need the support of those who care about me. i feel like he doesnt because if he did he would be trying to help me cope with everything. hes the one person i need right now and hes not even there. i mean yeah i heard from a bunch of people that he wants to break up with me. if thats the case i have to accept it right? i mean its tearing me apart.. i cry so much every night because i dont understand why, i am trying so hard. i mean shouldnt things be good. i mean we spent almost a whole week apart and we had our space and i cant think of anything that would have got him pissed. excpet for maybe saying that the girl he used ta like a lot would trip. but damn i wasnt serious.. i dont care about her anymore, if he wanted her he coulda tried with her i guess but he chose me.. and i guess that makes me happy but i know when you have such strong feelings for someone they just dont go away. i mean I KNOW wha its like believe me, there is no way in the world that he could say he has no feelings for her because he would be lying. like i said i have the right to be jealous, shes cute and small and skinny and athletic. and im not.. everyone wants her.. but no one can get her.. hmm i wonder why!? WTF man.. i just wish things would get better.. i wishhe would talk to me so i could try and make things right again. but i know i dont have a chance anymore.. hes done with me.. look at this that i saved:
eric:i will never find ne one better than u
me: but i duno.. im just very scared of heartbreak
eric: it wont happen
eric: ii hope u break mine
eric: so i can take the pain
me: like i was talking to my mom after the game she met u at.. and i was like so happy, like i told her i just have a good feeling about us.. just were both like pretty understanding people and i dunno
eric: i feel the same way
eric: there is something special there
eric: a feeling..
eric: im soo glad u came
eric: if u didnt id still be single
eric: cuz i wouldnt have suck a wonderful person
hmm yeah those days.. he wont ever find better than me.. and he wont break my heart.. well theres HER and hes better than me.. and he IS breaking my heart right now.. its so hard guyz.. i dont know what to do anymore
sorry for sucha long post i had ta get the feelings out
new private journal
_prettyful
nite nite