teh funn-ay is strong today!
Question: how many paranoids does it take to change a lightblb?
Answer: WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
Q: How many zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to screw in the lightbulb and one not to screw in the lightbulb.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, it's a hardware problem.
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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were all posed the same question. "If a man and a woman stand on opposites sides of a room and each minute move towards one another so that they are half as far away as they were a minute ago, when will they reach each other?" The mathematicians says, they will never reach each other. The physicist says, they will reach each other in an infinite amount of time. The engineer replies, in about ten minutes they'll be close enough for all practical purposes.
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A proton walks into a bar sobbing. Goes up to the bartender and orders a shot. The barkeep says "Hey buddy, what's your trouble?". Proton says "My electron left me today." Barkeep says "Are you sure it's gone for good?" Proton says "Yeah, I'm positive".
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Later on a neutron walks into the same bar, orders a beer and lays a fiver on the counter. The barkeep gives the fiver back to the neutron and says "For you, no charge."
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Three things to think about...
1. COWS
2. THE CONSTITUTION
3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
COWS: Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.
THE CONSTITUTION: They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS: The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse. You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians - it creates a hostile work environment.
Answer: WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
Q: How many zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to screw in the lightbulb and one not to screw in the lightbulb.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, it's a hardware problem.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were all posed the same question. "If a man and a woman stand on opposites sides of a room and each minute move towards one another so that they are half as far away as they were a minute ago, when will they reach each other?" The mathematicians says, they will never reach each other. The physicist says, they will reach each other in an infinite amount of time. The engineer replies, in about ten minutes they'll be close enough for all practical purposes.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A proton walks into a bar sobbing. Goes up to the bartender and orders a shot. The barkeep says "Hey buddy, what's your trouble?". Proton says "My electron left me today." Barkeep says "Are you sure it's gone for good?" Proton says "Yeah, I'm positive".
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later on a neutron walks into the same bar, orders a beer and lays a fiver on the counter. The barkeep gives the fiver back to the neutron and says "For you, no charge."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three things to think about...
1. COWS
2. THE CONSTITUTION
3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
COWS: Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.
THE CONSTITUTION: They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS: The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse. You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians - it creates a hostile work environment.