A rather depressing update, of sorts...
Sahitty shit has been happening lately.........
One of the reasons that I haven't really updated is because my Nanna, Leonie M. Thompson, died last Wednesday, on September the 17th. I wasn't able to make it to the funeral, because currently, tickets to fly down from Anchorage to New Zealand are between 3 to 7 thousand US dollars, which sucks on it's own.
I was very, VERY, close to my Nanna, and though I hadn't physically seen her since she came up (for the first time) to visit my dad in the US, in the summer of 2004, I would still talk to her every now and then, to check in and see how she was doing. Her husband, Stanley George Thompson, passed away in late 2003, and because it was already so hard on her to keep living, my mum said that it was probably that she finally died of heartache, and I agree. She and Poppa were very much in love, ever since I can remember. They had 8 children together, my father being the second youngest.
When my mum called me on my cell phone and told me about it, I literally dropped the phone, and though I picked it up to hear what exactly had happened, I could not fucking stop shaking. For those who I've talked to since then, you probably haven't realized that anything was wrong, because I'm still in shock from it all, and haven't really mourned her yet, despite finding myself having tear-filled, panic attacks now and then, and at the worst of times (which have been while I'm eating, during sex, waking up in the middle of the night, while I'm driving, and looking at the old dolls she made me, so far...)
The feeling I have right now is basically an overall sense of numbness and hurt. I'm constantly thinking about death, as of late, and silently, though not 100%, mourningh this loss. Physically, I constantly feel like I'm in pain, and though I've tried to express how I feel about all this, to Adam and my parents, I doubt I'll actually come to the full realization of it all until I get to go see hers and Poppa's graves. I haven't been able to go down there to see his grave yet, either, which is sad and also very painful for me. But I can't afford it, so I don't really have a choice...) Hopefully it will give me at least, somewhat, a bit of reconciliation for not being able to go to NZ in........ 11 years, now?
I don't know, maybe Christmas will hold some hardcore good tidings, that's all I'm hoping for at this point.
.........................
In other news, I finally have a job.
One of the reasons that I haven't really updated is because my Nanna, Leonie M. Thompson, died last Wednesday, on September the 17th. I wasn't able to make it to the funeral, because currently, tickets to fly down from Anchorage to New Zealand are between 3 to 7 thousand US dollars, which sucks on it's own.
I was very, VERY, close to my Nanna, and though I hadn't physically seen her since she came up (for the first time) to visit my dad in the US, in the summer of 2004, I would still talk to her every now and then, to check in and see how she was doing. Her husband, Stanley George Thompson, passed away in late 2003, and because it was already so hard on her to keep living, my mum said that it was probably that she finally died of heartache, and I agree. She and Poppa were very much in love, ever since I can remember. They had 8 children together, my father being the second youngest.
When my mum called me on my cell phone and told me about it, I literally dropped the phone, and though I picked it up to hear what exactly had happened, I could not fucking stop shaking. For those who I've talked to since then, you probably haven't realized that anything was wrong, because I'm still in shock from it all, and haven't really mourned her yet, despite finding myself having tear-filled, panic attacks now and then, and at the worst of times (which have been while I'm eating, during sex, waking up in the middle of the night, while I'm driving, and looking at the old dolls she made me, so far...)
The feeling I have right now is basically an overall sense of numbness and hurt. I'm constantly thinking about death, as of late, and silently, though not 100%, mourningh this loss. Physically, I constantly feel like I'm in pain, and though I've tried to express how I feel about all this, to Adam and my parents, I doubt I'll actually come to the full realization of it all until I get to go see hers and Poppa's graves. I haven't been able to go down there to see his grave yet, either, which is sad and also very painful for me. But I can't afford it, so I don't really have a choice...) Hopefully it will give me at least, somewhat, a bit of reconciliation for not being able to go to NZ in........ 11 years, now?
I don't know, maybe Christmas will hold some hardcore good tidings, that's all I'm hoping for at this point.
.........................
In other news, I finally have a job.