Cynicalsnark's A(V)AA: Day 03-07
For those of you keeping up with the exciting saga that is my life (with all the lazy non-partying and lack of men...I'm a wild one), I'm still on that trip I've been talking about. I wanted to be all diligent and blog every day but then LJ got DDOS'd (Murphy's law), and my wi-fi has either been non-existent or has flipped me the bird.
Major changes in the past few days have included our itinerary-we're no longer going to New York until the end of the month because our relatives there are busy, but we're heading up the Washington. I've also been dying without internet access but luckily I read today that Real Madrid won their game, Barca lost theirs, AND they were kicked off the national mall (I laughed). Everything is right with the world, so it's fine. Gonna give a quick run down of the past couple days:
Day 03:
11:00 am Spend the morning with my nephews who I'm pretty sure, are still the cutest things to ever come into existence. He grabs my hand and tells me to play dinosaurs with him...evidently this means I must make pathetic "rawring" sounds until he gives up and tells my sister to play with him instead. Rejected by a 4 year old. My life.
3:00 Go to visit cousins in the area that I wasn't aware existed until this moment. Realize they are fucking RICH.
3:05 WHO THE FUCK HAS A LAKE IN THEIR BACKYARD WHAT THE FUCK. MY BROKE ASS WANTS TO DIE.
6:00 Feel a little better (not completely over the fucking lake but I'll live) about the brokeness because have realized cousins are rude-ass and spoiled, and can't sit fuckin' still for 5 minutes despite being 11. Also one of them talked to me condescendingly because I was looking at a napkin package wrong, and talked about how elite their magnet school was. Prayin' to the Lord Jesus to either forgive me or convince me to not bring the mighty smackdown upon them.
9:00 Went "shopping" at some swanky outdoor mall with like 10 stores--i.e. I bought nothing. But I got a meal outta the visit, so it's all good.
I still want a lake.
Day 04:
12:00 Spend first half of the day with my nephews. Attempt to stream the Madrid-Berlin game, but keep getting destracted and the game gets all freezy. My nephew crawls into my lap and watches before quickly losing interest. Typical American.
3:00 Go to one of the local malls and don't recognize any store other than Forever 21. My aunts are complaining about their feet again, I may yell at them at some point during this trip, I'm not sure. Buy a belt for like $2.00. This remains my only non-souvenir purchase during this trip but I am pleased.
7:00 Introduce my nephew to the "Land Before Time" series. He loses interest because the main character is not a T-rex.
8:00 Offer to tell nephew a story--he wants one with giants. Realize that college has sucked all the creativity out of myself and that I can't make shit up on the fly. I open up a coffee table book because he wants to look at pictures that "go along with my story", only to realize there are nudes inside it. Scream, while nephew sticks tiny hand on page with titties asking me why I screamed. FML.
Day 05:
6:00 Leaving for the beach in South Carolina. Nephew cries when my sisters and I leaving. DYING INSIDE CONTEMPLATING KIDNAPPING--HOW ILLEGAL IS IT REALLY?
All Day Spent driving down south. I realize that Tennessee is technically also the south, but whatever. I sleep through much of this to the point where I completely miss North Carolina.
4:00 At a rest stop, come across a woman crying to her daughter:
"Honey, you can date whoever you want, but why does he have to be a Texan?"
7:00 What is this Hick-ery? Spot a family riding in the back of a pickup truck drinking beers. The men are not wearing shirts and are all sunburnt. Class up the ass.
Day 06:
8:00 Start off the day by for a swim in the ocean. I'd like to pretend I'm like Ariel and shit and dive in all gracefully, but then a wave of salt water hits me in the face and I end up looking all gross and spitty. Go kelp collecting just because I can. The resort we're staying at has 5 pool areas so I end up going to the "lazy river" where you just sit on a pool donut thing and float around--because I hate effort.
3:00 Go to some sort of tourist/boardwalk attraction near the beach, there's tons of beach novelties to buy here, and so much tacky shit. I love tacky shit. I buy a dried up starfish.
"Ew, you're buying that?"
"What's the problem?"
"It was alive, and now it's dead."
"That sentence will describe you in a minute if you don't stfu about my starfish."
There's also a river where you can throw feed, and these huge, fat-ass carp will swim up in droves to eat it. It's pretty neat because if you're like me you can imagine that the fish are going to do your evil bidding.
7:00 Come across something known as "Christian Tae Kwon Do". Is--is that a thing?
8:00 Look for somewhere to eat. As this is the south, I'm unfamiliar with southern food, so when my aunts order fried fish from some place, it's spicy and comes with something called 'hushpuppies'. What the fuck is a hushpuppy?
8:05 What the fuck, I love fuckin' hushpuppies.
9:00 Food here is so cheap, and yet so good. It's lucky that I usually never get sick from eating.
Day 07
8:00 Wake up with terrible indigestion. What the fuck hushpuppies? We end up going to a K-mart to get me antacids and buy my dad driving socks...w/e the hell those are. I come across a pair of boxers this old man was looking at with the words "yum yum" on the crotch. I would love to burn that image out of my brain.
12:00 Spend the afternoon in the ocean and catching some rays on the beach. Since I burn really easily, I painstakingly re-applied sunscreen ever half hour or so.
4:00 Am really burnt on my shoulders, and have this eyeglasses tan which makes me look like a reverse racoon. On a scale of tan-ness from "1-Jersey Shore" I'd say I'm a 6-7. I'm usually really pale though, so perhaps this is a slight improvement. The burn tells me otherwise.
6:00 Go to this incredible aquarium which goes a full degrees...it's built like a tunnel with fish and sharks going all around you. I am incredibly embarassing when it comes to sea turtles, I followed it around and forced my sister to take pictures of me poiting at it with a "8DDDD" look on my face. And at least it swam around and was all lively---looking at you octopus, you lazy SOB. BTW, stingrays are adorable if you look at them from the bottom. They have ":)" kind of faces. Considering stealing one, how illegal is that REALLY? (I said this already.)
8:00 Go to dinner at an unlimited seafood place, because that's what you do after you have indigestion in the morning. I eat so much crab it is almost sad. Also there are unlimited hushpuppies when you buy crab. I'm going to die.
Tomorrow, we leave in the morning and hit the road once again. If there's anything major I've missed, f-list, fandom, and random stuff-wise, lemme know in the comments.
Stuffed with crab and sunburnt,
Cynicalsnark
Major changes in the past few days have included our itinerary-we're no longer going to New York until the end of the month because our relatives there are busy, but we're heading up the Washington. I've also been dying without internet access but luckily I read today that Real Madrid won their game, Barca lost theirs, AND they were kicked off the national mall (I laughed). Everything is right with the world, so it's fine. Gonna give a quick run down of the past couple days:
Day 03:
11:00 am Spend the morning with my nephews who I'm pretty sure, are still the cutest things to ever come into existence. He grabs my hand and tells me to play dinosaurs with him...evidently this means I must make pathetic "rawring" sounds until he gives up and tells my sister to play with him instead. Rejected by a 4 year old. My life.
3:00 Go to visit cousins in the area that I wasn't aware existed until this moment. Realize they are fucking RICH.
3:05 WHO THE FUCK HAS A LAKE IN THEIR BACKYARD WHAT THE FUCK. MY BROKE ASS WANTS TO DIE.
6:00 Feel a little better (not completely over the fucking lake but I'll live) about the brokeness because have realized cousins are rude-ass and spoiled, and can't sit fuckin' still for 5 minutes despite being 11. Also one of them talked to me condescendingly because I was looking at a napkin package wrong, and talked about how elite their magnet school was. Prayin' to the Lord Jesus to either forgive me or convince me to not bring the mighty smackdown upon them.
9:00 Went "shopping" at some swanky outdoor mall with like 10 stores--i.e. I bought nothing. But I got a meal outta the visit, so it's all good.
I still want a lake.
Day 04:
12:00 Spend first half of the day with my nephews. Attempt to stream the Madrid-Berlin game, but keep getting destracted and the game gets all freezy. My nephew crawls into my lap and watches before quickly losing interest. Typical American.
3:00 Go to one of the local malls and don't recognize any store other than Forever 21. My aunts are complaining about their feet again, I may yell at them at some point during this trip, I'm not sure. Buy a belt for like $2.00. This remains my only non-souvenir purchase during this trip but I am pleased.
7:00 Introduce my nephew to the "Land Before Time" series. He loses interest because the main character is not a T-rex.
8:00 Offer to tell nephew a story--he wants one with giants. Realize that college has sucked all the creativity out of myself and that I can't make shit up on the fly. I open up a coffee table book because he wants to look at pictures that "go along with my story", only to realize there are nudes inside it. Scream, while nephew sticks tiny hand on page with titties asking me why I screamed. FML.
Day 05:
6:00 Leaving for the beach in South Carolina. Nephew cries when my sisters and I leaving. DYING INSIDE CONTEMPLATING KIDNAPPING--HOW ILLEGAL IS IT REALLY?
All Day Spent driving down south. I realize that Tennessee is technically also the south, but whatever. I sleep through much of this to the point where I completely miss North Carolina.
4:00 At a rest stop, come across a woman crying to her daughter:
"Honey, you can date whoever you want, but why does he have to be a Texan?"
7:00 What is this Hick-ery? Spot a family riding in the back of a pickup truck drinking beers. The men are not wearing shirts and are all sunburnt. Class up the ass.
Day 06:
8:00 Start off the day by for a swim in the ocean. I'd like to pretend I'm like Ariel and shit and dive in all gracefully, but then a wave of salt water hits me in the face and I end up looking all gross and spitty. Go kelp collecting just because I can. The resort we're staying at has 5 pool areas so I end up going to the "lazy river" where you just sit on a pool donut thing and float around--because I hate effort.
3:00 Go to some sort of tourist/boardwalk attraction near the beach, there's tons of beach novelties to buy here, and so much tacky shit. I love tacky shit. I buy a dried up starfish.
"Ew, you're buying that?"
"What's the problem?"
"It was alive, and now it's dead."
"That sentence will describe you in a minute if you don't stfu about my starfish."
There's also a river where you can throw feed, and these huge, fat-ass carp will swim up in droves to eat it. It's pretty neat because if you're like me you can imagine that the fish are going to do your evil bidding.
7:00 Come across something known as "Christian Tae Kwon Do". Is--is that a thing?
8:00 Look for somewhere to eat. As this is the south, I'm unfamiliar with southern food, so when my aunts order fried fish from some place, it's spicy and comes with something called 'hushpuppies'. What the fuck is a hushpuppy?
8:05 What the fuck, I love fuckin' hushpuppies.
9:00 Food here is so cheap, and yet so good. It's lucky that I usually never get sick from eating.
Day 07
8:00 Wake up with terrible indigestion. What the fuck hushpuppies? We end up going to a K-mart to get me antacids and buy my dad driving socks...w/e the hell those are. I come across a pair of boxers this old man was looking at with the words "yum yum" on the crotch. I would love to burn that image out of my brain.
12:00 Spend the afternoon in the ocean and catching some rays on the beach. Since I burn really easily, I painstakingly re-applied sunscreen ever half hour or so.
4:00 Am really burnt on my shoulders, and have this eyeglasses tan which makes me look like a reverse racoon. On a scale of tan-ness from "1-Jersey Shore" I'd say I'm a 6-7. I'm usually really pale though, so perhaps this is a slight improvement. The burn tells me otherwise.
6:00 Go to this incredible aquarium which goes a full degrees...it's built like a tunnel with fish and sharks going all around you. I am incredibly embarassing when it comes to sea turtles, I followed it around and forced my sister to take pictures of me poiting at it with a "8DDDD" look on my face. And at least it swam around and was all lively---looking at you octopus, you lazy SOB. BTW, stingrays are adorable if you look at them from the bottom. They have ":)" kind of faces. Considering stealing one, how illegal is that REALLY? (I said this already.)
8:00 Go to dinner at an unlimited seafood place, because that's what you do after you have indigestion in the morning. I eat so much crab it is almost sad. Also there are unlimited hushpuppies when you buy crab. I'm going to die.
Tomorrow, we leave in the morning and hit the road once again. If there's anything major I've missed, f-list, fandom, and random stuff-wise, lemme know in the comments.
Stuffed with crab and sunburnt,
Cynicalsnark