Yeas and Nays for Today
Yea:
To Barbara Bush, as well as wishes for a speedy recovery. The former first lady and mother of another prezzie is apparently doing well after having her own faulty aorta replaced with a baboon's. Now come on, just because I hate the Bushes, do you really think I'd wish death upon one of them? In truth, I'm just surprised they found a Republican with an actual heart.
And the baboon thing...just too easy. Oh, what the hell? Let's go there. It's no surprise her body accepted it so well. After all, somewhere in the Bush bloodline there has to be some baboon DNA. Look at her son.
He may be out of office, but I will never stop making fun of him.
Yea:
To masterpieces of Japanese film making. No, I'm not talking about Kurosawa's Yojimbo or anything by Ang Lee. I got Attack Girl's Swim Team vs. the Undead from Netflix this week and took it in. As one might ascertain from the title, it is a lurid, tongue-in-cheek masterpiece of B-movie cinema. I mean, where else can you find zombies, trained teenage assassin girls, mad scientists, king fu fights with paperclips and flutes, beheadings with protractors, lesbian Asian schoolgirls in plaid skirts, and (I swear I am not making this up) twat laser beams? This was so deliciously bad, it may have bumped the reigning champion, Sorority Babes at the Slimeball Bowl-er-ama, from the helm of my all-time favorite b-movie list.
I can't believe I'm saying this but Yea:
To Lush Rimjob. 40 oxycontin a day, smuggling viagra on to a plane, and saying "I hope he fails," in response to Obama's new presidency. Just keep vomiting more fatuous bile out of your incessantly-flapping dicksucker, ol' boy. After his role as the keynote speaker at CPAC (the Conservative Political Action Conference), the windbag suddenly was referred to as "the de facto leader of the Republican party." When RNC chairman Michael Steele (how do they keep finding black Republicans?) took issue with this, and declared it was in fact he who was the head of the party, he was forced to backtrack amid a backlash of very vocal, vitriolic dittoheads. Democrats like the super-savvy James Carville immediately hit upon this and began to exploit it.
So, Yea. Yes, please, please, please, please, PLEASE keep Limbaugh at the head of the Republican party. Let him keep making news. Please let the guy who accused Michael J. Fox of playing up the tremors of his Parkinson's to get stem cell research funding pushed through be the face of the Republicans. Please let the guy who compared an Iraq War veteran to a suicide bomber because he spoke out against the war be the epitome of these heartless, conservative assholes. The guy who said that Abu Ghraib was just "blowing off some steam" should be the poster child for the elephants. Please let all of America and the entire world think that this is what a Republican looks like.
Because at its core, that's exactly who the average Republican is; Lush is just more vocal about it. 2008 was a glorious year for liberals. If we just keep letting Lush go on with his verbal diarrhea, then 2009 might be even more lovely. Bush, Cheney, Rove, Palin, Limbaugh. Let them just keep doing what they do. The Republican party began imploding in the waning years of the Bush administration. I can't wait to watch it fade into oblivion, or at least irrelevancy.
And let's not forget, this is the same whackjob who in 1995 made the following declaration: "Too many whites are getting away with drug use...Too many whites are getting away with drug sales...The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them, and send them up the river, too." Uhm, we found you, Cracker. Time for the cuffs!
Nay:
To all the backlash against poor little Dora the Explorer. In an effort to get girls to remain in the Dora fold after about age 8, when they statistically fall away from the beloved bilingual adventurer, Nickelodeon and Mattel have partnered up to make a "tween" Dora doll: thinner, with long styled hair, and fashionably dressed. Blogging parents are outraged, afraid she will go "skank" or be "sexualized" like those annoying Bratz dolls. The doll won't be out until September, but we do have a sneak peek at the sumptuous, titillating silhouette:
Don't parents have anything else to worry about? I mean, for fuck's sake, she's been a little girl for ten years now. Isn't it about time she started ragging and chasing after the dangerous, dope-slingin' cholos in the barrio? Call me crazy, but I think a girl who's best friends are a star and a monkey should probably think about boys in the near future. And being Latina, I'm sure she looks up to such fine role models as Shakira and J-Lo, neither of whom would ever be dressed puta. It's all about the influences of children, right? And since parents have been shirking that responsibility for years now, is it any wonder they're looking up to the wrong role models?
I knew it. Ever since Hannah Montana posted pics of her in her Hello Kitty Underoos and Vanessa Hudgen's nude pic surfaced, all the little girls who looked up to them would go slut.
Still the parents are up in arms, petitioning Mattel and demanded a halt to the new release. And, I'm told as a direct result of this, R. Kelly bought a Learning Spanish DVD.
Nay:
To Poison and Def Leppard, who announced a new joint tour today. Bret Michaels has done a reality show, and that one-armed drummer just no longer holds the same mystique he once did. Sorry, boys, but you're not Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. It's time to hang up the stylishly-ripped leotards and put away the eye-liner.
Def Leppard is so old, they really are deaf. I know they want to push their new album of reworked classics, Rock of Agéd. And I have to admit the updated version of "Hysteria," "Dementia" is classic. I also like "Pour Some Geritol on Me," "Bringin' on the Heart Medication," and the lovely rendition of "Missing My Heartbeat." But come on, rock concerts go to at least eleven or midnight, and your bedtimes are nine, right after the nightly news and the Matlock rerun.
If I wanted to hear a bunch of washed-up eighties stars babble a bunch of nonsense into a microphone, I would have watched the press conferences with Bush's cabinet.
And, goddamnit, when is the Kajagoogoo reunion tour? That would be golden.
Nay:
Big surprise, to the Catholic church. Yesterday it was reported that the Vatican came down unflinchingly on the case of a nine year old Brazilian girl who is pregnant with twins after being molested by her stepfather. NO ABORTION! Not just no abortion, but they declared that anyone who assisted her in getting one would be promptly excommunicated from the Catholic Church. It would be a waste of space to even go into detail about how wrong this is, unless, of course, one of my readers is Sarah Palin. (And I highly doubt that. I'm not even sure she's literate. Then again, if she's ever asked if she reads blogs, I'm sure she'll declare she reads "all of 'em.")
Now that I think about it, however, maybe we should cut the church a little slack. They're pretty new in dealing with abortions in the case of rape. We all know they prefer to rape little boys.
And finally Yea:
To the British protester who hurled green custard into the face of UK Business Secretary Peter Mandelson. Apparently, the malcontent was making a statement about the environment, hence the green. I can't think of a funnier protest since the Iraqi journalist hurled a shoe at MadKingGeorge. And it's not even a waste because, come on, who actually eats custard?
It becomes less funny when you find out that this is actual a British tradition, and one I think we should adopt here in the United States. In the CNN report it states "Flying eggs, custard, paint and ink have long been an occupational hazard of a political career in the UK."
I do recall something about someone throwing jizz in former senator Larry Craig's face while he was in a restroom, but I'm pretty sure he was asking for it...literally.
Until next time, my droogs, watch out for flying moloko and remember: Dora's jailbait, so stay off her. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to crank up some more Leppard, specifically my new favorite, "When Warfain and NSAIDs Collide."
To Barbara Bush, as well as wishes for a speedy recovery. The former first lady and mother of another prezzie is apparently doing well after having her own faulty aorta replaced with a baboon's. Now come on, just because I hate the Bushes, do you really think I'd wish death upon one of them? In truth, I'm just surprised they found a Republican with an actual heart.
And the baboon thing...just too easy. Oh, what the hell? Let's go there. It's no surprise her body accepted it so well. After all, somewhere in the Bush bloodline there has to be some baboon DNA. Look at her son.
He may be out of office, but I will never stop making fun of him.
Yea:
To masterpieces of Japanese film making. No, I'm not talking about Kurosawa's Yojimbo or anything by Ang Lee. I got Attack Girl's Swim Team vs. the Undead from Netflix this week and took it in. As one might ascertain from the title, it is a lurid, tongue-in-cheek masterpiece of B-movie cinema. I mean, where else can you find zombies, trained teenage assassin girls, mad scientists, king fu fights with paperclips and flutes, beheadings with protractors, lesbian Asian schoolgirls in plaid skirts, and (I swear I am not making this up) twat laser beams? This was so deliciously bad, it may have bumped the reigning champion, Sorority Babes at the Slimeball Bowl-er-ama, from the helm of my all-time favorite b-movie list.
I can't believe I'm saying this but Yea:
To Lush Rimjob. 40 oxycontin a day, smuggling viagra on to a plane, and saying "I hope he fails," in response to Obama's new presidency. Just keep vomiting more fatuous bile out of your incessantly-flapping dicksucker, ol' boy. After his role as the keynote speaker at CPAC (the Conservative Political Action Conference), the windbag suddenly was referred to as "the de facto leader of the Republican party." When RNC chairman Michael Steele (how do they keep finding black Republicans?) took issue with this, and declared it was in fact he who was the head of the party, he was forced to backtrack amid a backlash of very vocal, vitriolic dittoheads. Democrats like the super-savvy James Carville immediately hit upon this and began to exploit it.
So, Yea. Yes, please, please, please, please, PLEASE keep Limbaugh at the head of the Republican party. Let him keep making news. Please let the guy who accused Michael J. Fox of playing up the tremors of his Parkinson's to get stem cell research funding pushed through be the face of the Republicans. Please let the guy who compared an Iraq War veteran to a suicide bomber because he spoke out against the war be the epitome of these heartless, conservative assholes. The guy who said that Abu Ghraib was just "blowing off some steam" should be the poster child for the elephants. Please let all of America and the entire world think that this is what a Republican looks like.
Because at its core, that's exactly who the average Republican is; Lush is just more vocal about it. 2008 was a glorious year for liberals. If we just keep letting Lush go on with his verbal diarrhea, then 2009 might be even more lovely. Bush, Cheney, Rove, Palin, Limbaugh. Let them just keep doing what they do. The Republican party began imploding in the waning years of the Bush administration. I can't wait to watch it fade into oblivion, or at least irrelevancy.
And let's not forget, this is the same whackjob who in 1995 made the following declaration: "Too many whites are getting away with drug use...Too many whites are getting away with drug sales...The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them, and send them up the river, too." Uhm, we found you, Cracker. Time for the cuffs!
Nay:
To all the backlash against poor little Dora the Explorer. In an effort to get girls to remain in the Dora fold after about age 8, when they statistically fall away from the beloved bilingual adventurer, Nickelodeon and Mattel have partnered up to make a "tween" Dora doll: thinner, with long styled hair, and fashionably dressed. Blogging parents are outraged, afraid she will go "skank" or be "sexualized" like those annoying Bratz dolls. The doll won't be out until September, but we do have a sneak peek at the sumptuous, titillating silhouette:
Don't parents have anything else to worry about? I mean, for fuck's sake, she's been a little girl for ten years now. Isn't it about time she started ragging and chasing after the dangerous, dope-slingin' cholos in the barrio? Call me crazy, but I think a girl who's best friends are a star and a monkey should probably think about boys in the near future. And being Latina, I'm sure she looks up to such fine role models as Shakira and J-Lo, neither of whom would ever be dressed puta. It's all about the influences of children, right? And since parents have been shirking that responsibility for years now, is it any wonder they're looking up to the wrong role models?
I knew it. Ever since Hannah Montana posted pics of her in her Hello Kitty Underoos and Vanessa Hudgen's nude pic surfaced, all the little girls who looked up to them would go slut.
Still the parents are up in arms, petitioning Mattel and demanded a halt to the new release. And, I'm told as a direct result of this, R. Kelly bought a Learning Spanish DVD.
Nay:
To Poison and Def Leppard, who announced a new joint tour today. Bret Michaels has done a reality show, and that one-armed drummer just no longer holds the same mystique he once did. Sorry, boys, but you're not Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. It's time to hang up the stylishly-ripped leotards and put away the eye-liner.
Def Leppard is so old, they really are deaf. I know they want to push their new album of reworked classics, Rock of Agéd. And I have to admit the updated version of "Hysteria," "Dementia" is classic. I also like "Pour Some Geritol on Me," "Bringin' on the Heart Medication," and the lovely rendition of "Missing My Heartbeat." But come on, rock concerts go to at least eleven or midnight, and your bedtimes are nine, right after the nightly news and the Matlock rerun.
If I wanted to hear a bunch of washed-up eighties stars babble a bunch of nonsense into a microphone, I would have watched the press conferences with Bush's cabinet.
And, goddamnit, when is the Kajagoogoo reunion tour? That would be golden.
Nay:
Big surprise, to the Catholic church. Yesterday it was reported that the Vatican came down unflinchingly on the case of a nine year old Brazilian girl who is pregnant with twins after being molested by her stepfather. NO ABORTION! Not just no abortion, but they declared that anyone who assisted her in getting one would be promptly excommunicated from the Catholic Church. It would be a waste of space to even go into detail about how wrong this is, unless, of course, one of my readers is Sarah Palin. (And I highly doubt that. I'm not even sure she's literate. Then again, if she's ever asked if she reads blogs, I'm sure she'll declare she reads "all of 'em.")
Now that I think about it, however, maybe we should cut the church a little slack. They're pretty new in dealing with abortions in the case of rape. We all know they prefer to rape little boys.
And finally Yea:
To the British protester who hurled green custard into the face of UK Business Secretary Peter Mandelson. Apparently, the malcontent was making a statement about the environment, hence the green. I can't think of a funnier protest since the Iraqi journalist hurled a shoe at MadKingGeorge. And it's not even a waste because, come on, who actually eats custard?
It becomes less funny when you find out that this is actual a British tradition, and one I think we should adopt here in the United States. In the CNN report it states "Flying eggs, custard, paint and ink have long been an occupational hazard of a political career in the UK."
I do recall something about someone throwing jizz in former senator Larry Craig's face while he was in a restroom, but I'm pretty sure he was asking for it...literally.
Until next time, my droogs, watch out for flying moloko and remember: Dora's jailbait, so stay off her. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to crank up some more Leppard, specifically my new favorite, "When Warfain and NSAIDs Collide."