bleh
last night i got pretty depressed. i dont really even know why..but i really felt very worthless. i virtually have almost no energy lately. all i feel like doing is sleeping..my labido seems to be diminishing...unless i drink. i seem irritable and short-tempered about little things. i dont understand why though. the night before last i had a couple of dreams that really bothered me. one of them was i was on death-row for some reason. and instead of being in a prison waiting...i was in a house. it was cami ( my first girlfriend) and her new girlfriends house. and it was wierd becuase cami wanted to set me free..but couldnt..becuase she was like the prison gaurd. the way they killed people was by slitting their throats. and all i kept thinking is what if this isnt a dream..what if i really hafta feel the cold steel slice through my throat..what if im really going to die. so that dream was extremely overwhelming. i woke up before it ended. the other dream was about..trying to make love to a girl that looked kinda like someone i know ( adrien ) ..but the face was different.. and when i was trying to make love all she wanted me to do is fuck her..and i got frustrated..then i woke up. but yeah..i mean..all these fucked up dreams..plus always being tired. and i want to lose wieght but it seems impossible to do. plus wanting to go to school and trying to get rob out so me and cyn can get some space..and work being..work. i just need a vacation. im like..going overboard with all this. i think thats why i was so depressed and crying last night. i dunno really. im tired..but im off to work..again.