>:-(
so work fucking sucked. i was zoning for 4 hours. i feel like everything gets put on my back. i didnt get out of work till fucking 11 almost and i was scheduled till 10. my whole fucking day goes to working..it feels life over half of my life is working ..and most of the other half is sleeping. if im going to work away half of my life i at least want it to be something i LIKE doing. drawing that picture yesterday gave me this feeling inside..this huge urge to drop everything and go to school. but i cant. i need the stupid fucking job. so yeah..back to work..i keep asking and asking for a saturday off from work. ONE FUCKING SATURDAY A MONTH...JUST PER MONTH..and ive waited 2 months to get this ONE. sheena gets every single weekend..WEEKEND..off. every fucking week! i cant get a goddamn saturday. so the 16th of july im finally off. its not even the specific saturday i asked for off. i wanted to go to see charlie and the chocolate factory with cyndi and mel. or just do SOMETHING with cyndi. but i call cyn up and she cant get the day off. and her fucking retarded job is fucking her over. she has three write ups. if she gets one more she loses her fucking job. i mean..its not even HER FAULT. so yeah. i guess thats not alot to be ticked about. but i am. i feel like my life is a waste. everyday i ride a bike to work..everyday i cant afford to buy something i need..every single day i hafta work long hard hours doing something i dont enjoy..is pushing me into the point where i just want to break and fall apart and not care anymore about anything BUT MYSELF. GRRR. i want to break something..or punch something..or run till i cant anymore. im so sick of just getting by...i want to be SUCCESSFUL. i want to go to school ang at least get a degree..i wasnt fucking strong enought to get one from highschool. i couldnt be the daughter my dad wanted me to be. i want to show everyone i CAN DO THIS. including myself. im sick of telling everybody.." yeah im going to go back to school someday soon...after DBT...or something." im sick of the talk..i want to take action. i want to be a full-time student with a part-time job...not a full-time worker and a nobody. and that is all.