(no subject)
It has been 6 months since I stopped taking my meds.
It took me far to long to realize that while on them I felt unmotivated. I didn't really seem to feel anything. Happy or Sad. I didn't care about people around me and would happily sleep half the day away or just wander around achieving nothing much of anything. I didn't care about work (and I love what I do) and was very enthusiastic about it once. Half the problem being because they made me feel nothing I ended up not caring what they were doing to me.
This all happened gradually at first. Slow enough that I didn't really notice it to much at the time.
After 6 months off them I am now finally starting to feel a lot more like I used to. I have flushed 4 years of my life down the toilet taking medication that was supposed to help manage my anxiety. Which I have to admit it did. But with a huge price to pay in many other aspects of my life.
So it has been an interesting experience for sure. However one that I would not wish to ever repeat.
Of course the flip side of not taking my meds is the anxiety is back. However, now it seems so much more manageable when I consider the alternative. I make the effort to confront the things that sets it off and it does get easier each time I do. If only I had realized this in the beginning instead of thinking that taking medication would be some sort of magic bullet.
It is hard to describe how I now feel now. It is a bit like waking up from a very long weird sleep. For the first time since 2005/6 I feel really enthusiastic about life again. I am enjoying my work. My sense of humor is back and lots of exciting things are happening. The nicest thing of all is I now have a few really cool friends that are prepared to give me a kick in the ass when I need it and drag me out of the house kicking and screaming if I show the slightest hint of anxiety about going somewhere new.
It would be easy to blame the Doctor that prescribed the medication to me in the first place however I accept it is ultimately my fault. I chose to go down the medication road. It just shocks me thinking back that it took me so long to realize the profound effect it was having on so many aspects of my life and also how in turn it effected those around me. On the upside I think I am a better person for the experience and maybe an experience I needed to have to finally be able to look at myself and face some of my demons and the things I do not like so much about myself.
I have lots to look forward to this year. A new country, new job, new friends and towards the end of the year a few weeks dog sledding with an old friend. A friend who never stopped caring about me even when I had stopped caring about myself.
Life is good and for the first time in a long time I am feeling really excited about so many things again *bounces*
It took me far to long to realize that while on them I felt unmotivated. I didn't really seem to feel anything. Happy or Sad. I didn't care about people around me and would happily sleep half the day away or just wander around achieving nothing much of anything. I didn't care about work (and I love what I do) and was very enthusiastic about it once. Half the problem being because they made me feel nothing I ended up not caring what they were doing to me.
This all happened gradually at first. Slow enough that I didn't really notice it to much at the time.
After 6 months off them I am now finally starting to feel a lot more like I used to. I have flushed 4 years of my life down the toilet taking medication that was supposed to help manage my anxiety. Which I have to admit it did. But with a huge price to pay in many other aspects of my life.
So it has been an interesting experience for sure. However one that I would not wish to ever repeat.
Of course the flip side of not taking my meds is the anxiety is back. However, now it seems so much more manageable when I consider the alternative. I make the effort to confront the things that sets it off and it does get easier each time I do. If only I had realized this in the beginning instead of thinking that taking medication would be some sort of magic bullet.
It is hard to describe how I now feel now. It is a bit like waking up from a very long weird sleep. For the first time since 2005/6 I feel really enthusiastic about life again. I am enjoying my work. My sense of humor is back and lots of exciting things are happening. The nicest thing of all is I now have a few really cool friends that are prepared to give me a kick in the ass when I need it and drag me out of the house kicking and screaming if I show the slightest hint of anxiety about going somewhere new.
It would be easy to blame the Doctor that prescribed the medication to me in the first place however I accept it is ultimately my fault. I chose to go down the medication road. It just shocks me thinking back that it took me so long to realize the profound effect it was having on so many aspects of my life and also how in turn it effected those around me. On the upside I think I am a better person for the experience and maybe an experience I needed to have to finally be able to look at myself and face some of my demons and the things I do not like so much about myself.
I have lots to look forward to this year. A new country, new job, new friends and towards the end of the year a few weeks dog sledding with an old friend. A friend who never stopped caring about me even when I had stopped caring about myself.
Life is good and for the first time in a long time I am feeling really excited about so many things again *bounces*