Overload and Overdose
I've got one hell of a post to write here, a lot of thoughts, fears, events and changes happen. If you check the time on this, I ain't kidding, unlike my horrible joke last year. Post hacking, you can't see it, but it involved me telling me having a big bitch on here on why I hate my friends and they all believed it. Awwww, I'm so terrible. So yeah, this is all real, or at least what I believe and feel right now.
Earlier this week: at the end of this week, the possibility for interesting news which could shake a few things up in my life.
As of April 24th, I'm working for Jason Windows, being involved in an assembly line and making windows. It does sound a bit odd that I would be doing something like this, but I mean, I chose it because a chance to get full time work for me is extremely rare. In short, the decision to take this wasn't really a hard one. Basically, it's a job that works for me right now, my current job doing pizza delivery is one I enjoy, but it isn't really one I desire to hang onto, it's really time to move on. There were many things to think about with this change though.
Honestly, as much as I bitch about this job, I really do like the work I do when I compare it to the fact that there are so many other jobs I'd rather not be doing. It was really something for me to work @ Domino's, today was a good example of why I'll miss Domino's, or just pizza delivery in general. Waking up with a horrible hangover from last night and still relatively down on life. I'm still able to keep at my job, because I'm satisfied from doing a decent job and there is little pressure and usually I can sit in the car, think about various things, escape away from it all and listen to the music I love and best of all, be paid to do it. I'm definitely going to miss this.
It was the first job I ever got the amount of hours I desired, honestly as much as I bitch about having too many hours, I'd rather have the money anyday. I leave behind a fair few good people I've met at this job too. Funnily enough, my social skills at school have constantly let me down without fail, work I've managed to be a decent person, I'm generally a bit of an oddball, because I'm just a very different and out there person to most but yet, I manage to get along with people decently.
I must remember, that as hard as it is to get rid off this job that I've been doing over a year, which I've felt has been a part of me to be honest, it's really time to move on, from a blunt point of view, saying that I'm 20, delivering pizzas and living with my mum, damn. In all seriousness, it's not something I was going to be holding onto forever and when a good opporturnity came which rarely does, I had to take it.
This job basically offers regular hours and as a bonus, they're staggered earlier from 7:30-3:30. Hence beating traffic and also it's great for my social life actually. My social life. In recent times, work has destroyed my social life. If I try to fight it, I end up hurting myself really badly in general by coming into work coming down or hungover. This week at work, I have 3 day shifts off, but I work every night however. I also felt that this constant work has started to give me stress problems, to live a life totally dedicate to making a minimum wage, isn't doing wonders for my happiness (I'm not solely blaming this as the only reason, I'll get to the other reasons later)
It is the real deal now. I mean, since over 3 years ago, I've been looking for some sort of full time work that I could just live off without a problem, Dominos was really the next best thing and ironically the last place I could find work at the time when I was looking for work in September. This job is quite serious, you can mess around a bit at Dominos obviously since you're not being stalked when driving by the managers. Living within 500m of the store means that if I'm late, I'm not in too much shit since it's really closeby. Also, I have to try to get fired rather then screw up really badly thanks to the lack of staff at my store.
Funnily enough, the pay is virtually going to be the same, but it's because I do more hours at Domino's at the moment, I get paid about $2.50 more at my new job, multiply by 38 hours and that's a $100 difference, sweet. However, Domino's also pays me bonuses and tips, which is a nice sweetener even against the price of petrol. But, it's for the future, I think I've got to grow up and move onto a harsher more realistic reality, my days of driving it around as a delivery boy are over.
The other thing that's really been a concern in the lives around me has been the use of illicit substances with all of my friends. Me bitching about my friends taking it, yeah right, I'd be extremely hypocritical if that was the case. My main concern is really just sitting back and just hearing things being said about how 'drugs barely effect my life', 'I'm not addicted at all'. These are the things that scare me and worry me somewhat, now I think this might be the point where people are making an effort to decypher which certain person or group of people I'm putting my finger on, honestly, it's just a general consesus really.
The reason I make this point, I see friends getting into debt and only spending their money on these things. I try to keep an open mind and realise that money is always going to be spent anyways and I have spent my fair share on the stuff and on just a lot of stupid and silly random things in general. I've also just watched so many friendships and groups around me forged and broken up because of peoples view on drugs. But my fears might not be one that shall cause great anxiety to me, a fair few of these people are young and are just really experimenting their way through life and of course these things are more or less a side effect of having so many friends from the rave scene. By no means does any of this mean I'll make considerable changes to friendships anytime soon, but it's certainly something that has gotten me thinking a fair bit in recent times.
First of all, many apologies to those who have been hanging out with me in the last month or so, eh, although the ironic thing is the people I speak off don't go on livejournal, hahahaha, damn, *resists random bitch about them*. But yah, anyways, to those who've seen me in recent times, as usual my wild moodswings are still there, but now, the happiness periods seem to be shorter and the down periods are much more angrier, aggressive and arrogant then before. I mean to try to be something that you're not is bad, but to turn into something that not only you think you're not, but to turn into someone that you hate is hypocritical and certainly freaking me out.
I would love to blame work, I really would, the reality is, that's the easiest excuse I can come up, deep down there are a few things that I honestly feel very uncomfortable speaking to, to virtually anyone right now but it's pretty safe to say this isn't anything new, that these things seem to either come and go and I'm more prone to them in lower and weaker mood states. My drug abuse has been extremely toxicating this month, I did manage to score some nice friends through it, but I can't really comment much there, it's really outside of this with what counts in friendships. I know that I certainly feel a lot more peaceful outside work, so that could be it. But with the new job and nothing changing, my stress problems might be needing some professional help for the better.
On more positive things, I went to Adam's 18th last night, it was a great party, even though I only lived through 3 hours off it, thanks to half a bottle of Smirnoff, a bottle I never wish to see anytime soon to be honest. Passed out @ 1am, got the worst 8 hours of sleep ever, it could have been the alcohol, but I vididly remember something about a couple fucking in the same room I had passed out in. April fools day that morning, being massively hungover, I wasn't looking forward to this at all, however the only laughs had were by me and Adam as he showed me funny shit on his computer, it was quite an interesting moment and made me realise I should be spending more time with him, which I can't do with anyone thanks to work, but yeah, basically a bad break up with knightmerz meant that I just generally have barely seen him, who sadly I didn't get to see last night either.
In other things, good work by Button to grab pole, great work, certainly was great seeing him grab pole, hearing my brother ranting on and on about how great him and Honda are and how they absolutely pwn McLaren wasn't. Looking forward to the race tommorow.
April, looking forward to Lethal's debut at the Rise and if I get off work, seeing Pendulum with some friends of mine that night as well. Teaching Adam how to play DDR, this will be great. New clothes to make up for all the stress I've got from working too much. Also would like to change a fair few things with my image over the next 3 months, that shall be interesting, even though I seem to be turning into somesort of angry, jaded rivetbitch in recent times, lol, that's so not me, god damn it. Tired, need sleep and sex, actually, really need latter too, I want too much, back to the dreams for now. &hearts Craig
Earlier this week: at the end of this week, the possibility for interesting news which could shake a few things up in my life.
As of April 24th, I'm working for Jason Windows, being involved in an assembly line and making windows. It does sound a bit odd that I would be doing something like this, but I mean, I chose it because a chance to get full time work for me is extremely rare. In short, the decision to take this wasn't really a hard one. Basically, it's a job that works for me right now, my current job doing pizza delivery is one I enjoy, but it isn't really one I desire to hang onto, it's really time to move on. There were many things to think about with this change though.
Honestly, as much as I bitch about this job, I really do like the work I do when I compare it to the fact that there are so many other jobs I'd rather not be doing. It was really something for me to work @ Domino's, today was a good example of why I'll miss Domino's, or just pizza delivery in general. Waking up with a horrible hangover from last night and still relatively down on life. I'm still able to keep at my job, because I'm satisfied from doing a decent job and there is little pressure and usually I can sit in the car, think about various things, escape away from it all and listen to the music I love and best of all, be paid to do it. I'm definitely going to miss this.
It was the first job I ever got the amount of hours I desired, honestly as much as I bitch about having too many hours, I'd rather have the money anyday. I leave behind a fair few good people I've met at this job too. Funnily enough, my social skills at school have constantly let me down without fail, work I've managed to be a decent person, I'm generally a bit of an oddball, because I'm just a very different and out there person to most but yet, I manage to get along with people decently.
I must remember, that as hard as it is to get rid off this job that I've been doing over a year, which I've felt has been a part of me to be honest, it's really time to move on, from a blunt point of view, saying that I'm 20, delivering pizzas and living with my mum, damn. In all seriousness, it's not something I was going to be holding onto forever and when a good opporturnity came which rarely does, I had to take it.
This job basically offers regular hours and as a bonus, they're staggered earlier from 7:30-3:30. Hence beating traffic and also it's great for my social life actually. My social life. In recent times, work has destroyed my social life. If I try to fight it, I end up hurting myself really badly in general by coming into work coming down or hungover. This week at work, I have 3 day shifts off, but I work every night however. I also felt that this constant work has started to give me stress problems, to live a life totally dedicate to making a minimum wage, isn't doing wonders for my happiness (I'm not solely blaming this as the only reason, I'll get to the other reasons later)
It is the real deal now. I mean, since over 3 years ago, I've been looking for some sort of full time work that I could just live off without a problem, Dominos was really the next best thing and ironically the last place I could find work at the time when I was looking for work in September. This job is quite serious, you can mess around a bit at Dominos obviously since you're not being stalked when driving by the managers. Living within 500m of the store means that if I'm late, I'm not in too much shit since it's really closeby. Also, I have to try to get fired rather then screw up really badly thanks to the lack of staff at my store.
Funnily enough, the pay is virtually going to be the same, but it's because I do more hours at Domino's at the moment, I get paid about $2.50 more at my new job, multiply by 38 hours and that's a $100 difference, sweet. However, Domino's also pays me bonuses and tips, which is a nice sweetener even against the price of petrol. But, it's for the future, I think I've got to grow up and move onto a harsher more realistic reality, my days of driving it around as a delivery boy are over.
The other thing that's really been a concern in the lives around me has been the use of illicit substances with all of my friends. Me bitching about my friends taking it, yeah right, I'd be extremely hypocritical if that was the case. My main concern is really just sitting back and just hearing things being said about how 'drugs barely effect my life', 'I'm not addicted at all'. These are the things that scare me and worry me somewhat, now I think this might be the point where people are making an effort to decypher which certain person or group of people I'm putting my finger on, honestly, it's just a general consesus really.
The reason I make this point, I see friends getting into debt and only spending their money on these things. I try to keep an open mind and realise that money is always going to be spent anyways and I have spent my fair share on the stuff and on just a lot of stupid and silly random things in general. I've also just watched so many friendships and groups around me forged and broken up because of peoples view on drugs. But my fears might not be one that shall cause great anxiety to me, a fair few of these people are young and are just really experimenting their way through life and of course these things are more or less a side effect of having so many friends from the rave scene. By no means does any of this mean I'll make considerable changes to friendships anytime soon, but it's certainly something that has gotten me thinking a fair bit in recent times.
First of all, many apologies to those who have been hanging out with me in the last month or so, eh, although the ironic thing is the people I speak off don't go on livejournal, hahahaha, damn, *resists random bitch about them*. But yah, anyways, to those who've seen me in recent times, as usual my wild moodswings are still there, but now, the happiness periods seem to be shorter and the down periods are much more angrier, aggressive and arrogant then before. I mean to try to be something that you're not is bad, but to turn into something that not only you think you're not, but to turn into someone that you hate is hypocritical and certainly freaking me out.
I would love to blame work, I really would, the reality is, that's the easiest excuse I can come up, deep down there are a few things that I honestly feel very uncomfortable speaking to, to virtually anyone right now but it's pretty safe to say this isn't anything new, that these things seem to either come and go and I'm more prone to them in lower and weaker mood states. My drug abuse has been extremely toxicating this month, I did manage to score some nice friends through it, but I can't really comment much there, it's really outside of this with what counts in friendships. I know that I certainly feel a lot more peaceful outside work, so that could be it. But with the new job and nothing changing, my stress problems might be needing some professional help for the better.
On more positive things, I went to Adam's 18th last night, it was a great party, even though I only lived through 3 hours off it, thanks to half a bottle of Smirnoff, a bottle I never wish to see anytime soon to be honest. Passed out @ 1am, got the worst 8 hours of sleep ever, it could have been the alcohol, but I vididly remember something about a couple fucking in the same room I had passed out in. April fools day that morning, being massively hungover, I wasn't looking forward to this at all, however the only laughs had were by me and Adam as he showed me funny shit on his computer, it was quite an interesting moment and made me realise I should be spending more time with him, which I can't do with anyone thanks to work, but yeah, basically a bad break up with knightmerz meant that I just generally have barely seen him, who sadly I didn't get to see last night either.
In other things, good work by Button to grab pole, great work, certainly was great seeing him grab pole, hearing my brother ranting on and on about how great him and Honda are and how they absolutely pwn McLaren wasn't. Looking forward to the race tommorow.
April, looking forward to Lethal's debut at the Rise and if I get off work, seeing Pendulum with some friends of mine that night as well. Teaching Adam how to play DDR, this will be great. New clothes to make up for all the stress I've got from working too much. Also would like to change a fair few things with my image over the next 3 months, that shall be interesting, even though I seem to be turning into somesort of angry, jaded rivetbitch in recent times, lol, that's so not me, god damn it. Tired, need sleep and sex, actually, really need latter too, I want too much, back to the dreams for now. &hearts Craig