Strangers With Candy
There are many great things about the location of my current apartment (which I have to give up in a month). Namely, half a block to the L, and groceries.
Anyway, I got into the habit during the school year of swinging by Dominick's after midnight, since I'd always hang out with friends after classes. Plus is was 24 hours and right there, so I usually just bought what I wanted to eat for the day. This guy Carl was always the only cashier working. Now, Carl is a character. Super old and frail, complete with pony tail, leather beret/vest combo, and a white western shirt. Not to mention long white hair tied back into a ponytail. Every night. Carl's hook was offering cookies (usually Oreos) to every customer - which, you know, creepy. I mean, nice - but creepy.
Carl offers me a cookie every single time he sees me, even though I never, ever said yes. I knew that every time he spotted me walk through the door he thought to himself, "This is the night he's going to accept my cookie." He's very gentle, very.. old man neighbor in Family Guy. You know, the guy with the whistley-old-man voice. He rides the line between being a generous, sweet old man and a desperate sugar daddy.. though God knows how he can afford to be one on a grocer's salary.
I haven't been to the store after midnight since last week, and tonight I decided to go and buy water and some ramen. So I did. Carl didn't have any cookies to offer me, but I did notice something different. He was wearing a necklace with wooden beads - rainbow-colored wooden beeds. So, there it was. Carl was officially gay. And he was sporting just a bit of facial hair, which was new.
He rung me up, and I gave him money first before he had bagged my groceries. So, he gave me the change, and I put my wallet away while he bagged my stuff. I grabbed my back, he smiled at me as usual, and I left. When I got back, I told me roommate that Carl was working, since he's become one of those 'characters' you tend to see enough to reference in somewhat daily life. He asked if Carl gave me any cookies, and when I told him about the necklace, I also made an incredibly witty remark about how Carl may love cookies, but he hates the muffins.
Fast-forward to half an hour later. I've been home for a couple of minutes and decide to make the ramen. I put some water on to boil, and went to get the ramen out of the grocery bag.
That was when I found it.
Inside the grocery bag, while I was busy putting away my wallet and my change, Carl had slipped a ZIPLOC BAG full of HOMEMADE MINI-MUFFINS into my bag. Without me knowing. That's right. A bag of muffins.
No note. No asking me whether or not I wanted them. No cookie offerings. Just a little, creepy, cranberry-and-drug-laced surprise for me to find when I unpacked my groceries.
I was tempted to go back and say, "I think I grabbed these by mistake," or having my roommate go to see if he got the same thing. But I was too creeped out, and now I can never go back to Dominick's after midnight EVER again.
The moral of the story? Don't make enough trips to a late night grocery store where the 60 year-old wannabe-cowboy daddy can develop an infatuation with you that leads to uninvited muffins.
Anyway, I got into the habit during the school year of swinging by Dominick's after midnight, since I'd always hang out with friends after classes. Plus is was 24 hours and right there, so I usually just bought what I wanted to eat for the day. This guy Carl was always the only cashier working. Now, Carl is a character. Super old and frail, complete with pony tail, leather beret/vest combo, and a white western shirt. Not to mention long white hair tied back into a ponytail. Every night. Carl's hook was offering cookies (usually Oreos) to every customer - which, you know, creepy. I mean, nice - but creepy.
Carl offers me a cookie every single time he sees me, even though I never, ever said yes. I knew that every time he spotted me walk through the door he thought to himself, "This is the night he's going to accept my cookie." He's very gentle, very.. old man neighbor in Family Guy. You know, the guy with the whistley-old-man voice. He rides the line between being a generous, sweet old man and a desperate sugar daddy.. though God knows how he can afford to be one on a grocer's salary.
I haven't been to the store after midnight since last week, and tonight I decided to go and buy water and some ramen. So I did. Carl didn't have any cookies to offer me, but I did notice something different. He was wearing a necklace with wooden beads - rainbow-colored wooden beeds. So, there it was. Carl was officially gay. And he was sporting just a bit of facial hair, which was new.
He rung me up, and I gave him money first before he had bagged my groceries. So, he gave me the change, and I put my wallet away while he bagged my stuff. I grabbed my back, he smiled at me as usual, and I left. When I got back, I told me roommate that Carl was working, since he's become one of those 'characters' you tend to see enough to reference in somewhat daily life. He asked if Carl gave me any cookies, and when I told him about the necklace, I also made an incredibly witty remark about how Carl may love cookies, but he hates the muffins.
Fast-forward to half an hour later. I've been home for a couple of minutes and decide to make the ramen. I put some water on to boil, and went to get the ramen out of the grocery bag.
That was when I found it.
Inside the grocery bag, while I was busy putting away my wallet and my change, Carl had slipped a ZIPLOC BAG full of HOMEMADE MINI-MUFFINS into my bag. Without me knowing. That's right. A bag of muffins.
No note. No asking me whether or not I wanted them. No cookie offerings. Just a little, creepy, cranberry-and-drug-laced surprise for me to find when I unpacked my groceries.
I was tempted to go back and say, "I think I grabbed these by mistake," or having my roommate go to see if he got the same thing. But I was too creeped out, and now I can never go back to Dominick's after midnight EVER again.
The moral of the story? Don't make enough trips to a late night grocery store where the 60 year-old wannabe-cowboy daddy can develop an infatuation with you that leads to uninvited muffins.